Help -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Help

Author:
Susan (sad)

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Date Posted: 11/ 9/06 2:28pm

I just found out I am pregnant and I am devistated. My boyfriend already has a daughter out of wedlock and now certainly does not want this child. I am highly against abortion, but I find myself wondering if I should. I need help. He's so scared he can't be supportive. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Replies:

[> Subject:

Re: Help

Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 11/10/06 12:56am

Hi Susan. It's pretty normal to feel scared - for both of you. Give him time to come to terms with the fact that you are expecting his child. Most likely he is just wondering how he is going to pay the child support.

If you are against abortion, then it is probably going to weigh pretty heavy on you if you go that route. It's a shame that things are such that there is that sort of pressure to do something that you really don't want out of fear. Abortion is basically a permanent solution to a temporary problem and it is unfortunately quite irreversible. Many times the worst fears we have do not come to pass. There are resources out there, and you have time to plan.

The best I can tell you is to just find as much support and help as you can. A Crisis Pregnancy Center might be a good place to contact. They can refer you to resources in your community and provide some basic necessities for your baby. If you want help locating one, e-mail me and I'll see what I can find for you.

Hang in there.

--Melanie

[> Subject: Re: Help

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 11/10/06 2:19am

Obviously your cirumstances are not ideal but if youre highly against abortion then the answer is don't have one! No matter how many children you have had the pleasure of knowing nothing can compare to the complete and utter love you will feel for you baby once you meet him or her (and often times before that while still pregnant). I am right now pregnant to a man who doesn't want our baby and certainly does not want or love me. While i am not ecstatic about that fact i have found myself in a place where i am for the most part happy. Even so i too have my ups and downs as all women do during pregnancy regardless of their circumstances. What i am trying to say is that once you get used to the idea and work out how you are going to do this you may find yourself feeling incredibly greatful for the gift of your child. The babys father may be the same. Do you love each other? Without knowing what your relationship with him is like it's difficult to be able to give advice. My instinct is to tell you to give this baby a chance let it all sink in and try not to think of the worst case senario as there are plenty of positives to keeping your baby also. All i needed to do with regard to deciding about my own unplanned pregnancy was to do what felt right to me. Every time i even considered abortion i just felt sick inside, it's a horrid feeling, that's because i know. I have had abortions in the past and i can tell you no matter what the clinic says to you or what you say to yourself or how far along you are after the operation this creeping black emptiness feels like it's knawing away at your insides. It's really hard because you just want your baby back and theres not a single thing you can do about it. It's excrutiating emotionally and not something to be taken lightly. A 10 minute operation can equall a lifetime of regret. Love your baby and yourself, you can't do one without the other :) This baby is a part of you.

[> Subject: Re: Help

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 11/10/06 7:02am

Susan,

Sorry I didn't get by sooner. I have been up to my eyeballs.

I think if you don't want an abortion, you shouldn't have one! Especially if you are against abortion. You would regret it the rest of your life. You obviously will need some resources. You can find them here:

www.pregnancycenters.org.

Look for a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They can help you with the practical problems.

Give your boyfriend time. Most guys don't really deal with pregnancy until they can see some signs for themselves, either a change in the mother's body, or hear the heartbeat, or feel movement, or see an ultrasound. You both need time, and the last thing you should do is make a decision when you are in a panic. People in a panic don't make good decisions.

We are here to encourage you and give you someone to talk to whenever you need it. Plenty of people just like you have made it through. You have plenty of time to decide how you will handle this.

Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby!

Hugs,
Pat

[> Subject: Re: Help

Author:
Lisa
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Date Posted: 11/10/06 7:54am

Hello Susan,

Welcome to the board and congratulations on your pregnancy! Is this your first child? I would not worry about your boyfriend right now. Your feelings and emotions are what count right now. You never know how he might react. As far as your baby being "out of wedlock" I do not like that term at all. It puts a negative image on the child and that is not fair. All babies are a gift and it does not matter how they came into this world.

That said, we can help you with some resources. We would need your state at least. A city would help too. I am not the best one to go for that, but Tracey and Shellie and Pat and some of the others here can help you.

If you feel strongly against an abortion, that is good and I think you will continue to feel this way. I had my unplanned baby at the age of 35. She will be 3 in December now and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have struggled, sure and I still do. But it has all been worth it in the end.

It is ok to be afraid right now. We will help you in any way we can.

Do you know how far along you are?

Lisa

[> Subject:

Re: Help

Author:
Tracey
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Date Posted: 01/11/07 5:19am

Susan~
Hey! All of your feelings are totally normal! Unplanned pregnancies can be pretty scary, but thank God He gave us 9 months to figure it all out. You yourself said you were highly against abortion, so don't have one. I know that sounds simpler said than done, but I really do think if you end up having one, you will only resent your boyfriend and yourself. I know so many women that live with the every day regret of having an abortion. Once that child is gone, you can never get him/her back. It's so final. Right now you are in a state of shock and sometimes your initial reaction is just to get rid of the "problem." You almost talk yourself into it, thinking you will just be able to get over it and forget. But you never will. Especially if it's something you are against to begin with. Susan, right now this all just is shocking and scary. But I promise over time, this will be so small in comparison to the love of your child. You are already a mother and whether you go through this or not, you always will be. The good news is we are here to support and help! We can help you find a local pregnancy center in your area that can offer help and support. You are not alone! If you need help in finding one, just let us know your state and closest city. We will do our best to help you in finding resources. Please keep us posted and feel free to post here anytime! You, your boyfriend, and your little one will be in my prayers!
God bless,
Tracey