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Date Posted: 22:28:47 01/28/01 Sun
Author: Scullystar, wondering what took her so long to do this
Subject: New Fan Fic from Scullystar

I already posted something about this story in the Mulder/Scully board, then I decided to just post the actual story here as people that don't visit that board might be deprived of my wonderful story...yeah...

MSR all the way

By: Scullystar

Rated: PG

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine. The Story IS mine however, so Pthhhh…

Spoilers: End of Season 7/General Season 8

Author’s Note: I was inspired to write this story, after a very long lull, while listening to the song “Here With Me” by Sarah Brightman. Dido also does a wonderful version of the song as well. If you haven’t heard either yet, I suggest you download it pronto

P.S. Yes, I KNOW it’s the Roswell theme. I don’t watch Roswell. I watch The X-Files.

“Here With Me”
XxXxXxXxXxX

It’s very dark tonight. It may be the starless night, and the fact that the moon has herself wrapped tightly in a blanket of clouds, but it’s cold and it’s lonely.
I sit here in my living room wrapped up just as tightly in a warm fleece blanket that my mother gave to me this past Christmas. I’m also wearing the pajamas she gave me. Leave it to my mother to buy me something to keep me warm at night when the one thing I want to keep me warm is missing.
It’s not too hard now that I’ve told my mother about the baby. I didn’t want anyone to know not even her. Imagine not wanting to tell your mother something so wonderful. It made me uneasy feeling that scared about something that should be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But the only person I told was Skinner. Out of everyone, he was the first person I could bring myself to confide in, to let in on my wonderful secret. Not even my new partner John Doggett knows. I haven’t decided on HOW to tell him yet. I should be able to trust him. He’s shown me so many times already that he is as trustworthy as Skinner is, but something in my gut tells me that he just can’t know. Not yet anyway. I know I’m going to have to tell him eventually. I am going to start showing sooner or later, and he’s going to notice.
I don’t really want to watch the movie that I’ve been staring at for the last half an hour. I love sappy love stories, but tonight I just can’t take it. It’s been hard for me to keep all of this up. This front I have up is going to crumble sooner or later and I’m afraid that it will be in front of Doggett. I know he knows how passionate I am about finding Mulder. I don’t know if he’d understand the mental breakdown I’m on the verge of everyday. I don’t think he realizes just what Mulder means to me. Or maybe he does. He caught me sleeping in Mulder’s bed when we first started working together on finding Mulder. That was before he was assigned to the X-Files as my partner. He’s already heard me confess that I don’t think I can handle filling Mulder’s shoes. I know that I wasn’t meant to, but I think I at least owe Mulder that much. I can’t find him. I should at least try to make him proud. To continue our work.
I miss him so much. Everyday, working in that office with Doggett is a constant reminder that Mulder is out there somewhere and I am alone still working to find him. I’m working with a man who is as skeptical, if not more, as I was when I was first assigned to the X-Files, and I’m supposed to be the scientist. I’m supposed to be calm and cool and collected and not supposed to believe in tiny little gray men and things that go bump in the night. But I have to admit that I have just seen too much to NOT believe anymore. How long could I remain a skeptic working with “Spooky” Fox Mulder for seven years? How long was it before I became as outcast as Mulder was? It probably took about a week for the other agents to come up with “Mrs. Spooky” and start calling me names behind my back. It beats “Ice Queen” any day.
I feel around for the remote next to me on the couch and sigh as I turn off the TV. “Sleepless in Seattle” just didn’t seem to be cheering me up tonight. And why would it? Mulder wasn’t with me as he should have been. As he had been for months before his abduction. He would come over after calling me with some lame excuse to see me. We’d end up watching TV all night and either falling asleep on my couch, or tumbling into my bed, ripping at eachother’s clothes. We’d always wake up the same way though. Together. And that’s how we liked it. If It wasn’t in some awful position on my couch that even a contortionist couldn’t get himself into, it was under my blankets, nice and warm in my bed, Mulder’s arms wrapped around me and my head on his shoulder. It wasn’t anything exciting and it wasn’t a storybook romance that’s for sure. But it was perfect because it was just us. It was just NORMAL. We both cherished that more than you can imagine.
I never in my life expected to get pregnant. If Clyde Bruckman had somehow come back to life and told me that I was going to get pregnant with Mulder’s baby I wouldn’t have believed him. Why should I? I was barren. Or so I thought. I had been to so many fertility doctor’s it hurt. None of them had been able to help. It was one let down after the next. It had become difficult to remember why I wanted to find a way to become pregnant in the first place. All it was was agony every time. It ripped me apart knowing that would never carry a child of my own. Mulder told me once that all of that didn’t matter to him. That he would always be there for me if I needed him, and that he would always love me no matter what happened. He was a little shocked when I told him I had been going to see fertility doctor’s, but of course he understood. He supported me with what I was doing, and kept it a secret. Then we went back to Oregon.
I should have never let him go back alone. He thought it was me that was in danger of being taken when in fact it was him all along. When they had taken me they has harvested my eggs and left me barren, given me cancer, placed a microchip in the back of my neck that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. When the Smoking Man had taken Mulder, they had altered his brain. It was Mulder that they wanted. I should have realized it sooner, but by the time I had it was too late. Skinner had gone with Mulder and he was the last person to see him alive. Skinner told me that he wouldn’t lie about what he had seen. He couldn’t deny any of it. I knew I had his alliance and felt that I was safe to tell him about my pregnancy. It’s been months since Mulder was last seen, and I grow less hopeful with each passing day.
I won’t ever stop looking for him. For seven years I worked side by side with that man. I’ve argued with him, hated him, laughed with him, loved him. If I gave up now, I would be giving up hope for not only Mulder, but for our baby. I want to hear laughter and see tears and know the love of a family with the man that I love more deeply than I ever thought possible. I want to hear our child call Mulder “daddy” and watch them play together. I just want him back. If he’s alive out there, I just want him home. I want him here with me. This is where he belongs. He told me so himself.

As I get up and head into my bedroom I am startled at the knock on my door. I look at the clock and see it’s past midnight. No one other than Mulder ever came by this late. I go to the door and look out the fish-eye lens. I see Skinner standing there in my hallway, and make quick work of the lock on my door. I wrap the blanket around me again as I open the door.
“Sir, what are you doing here? It’s past midnight. Is everything alright?”
Skinner looks at me for a moment before saying anything.
“Scully…I don’t know how to tell you this…”
I wait for a answer but before Skinner can open his mouth again, I hear footsteps coming up the hall. I peek my head out and tears spring to my eyes immediately. My heartbeats thump in my ears.


Mulder.


He’s a mess, his clothes and face are dirty, and his eyes are red and he looks so very tired. So very abused. He looks defeated. He’s crying as he walks toward me, his arms out ready to take me in them. I take the blanket from around my shoulders and run to him, wrapping it around him, throwing my arms around his as well, holding him for dear life. We are both crying and I smooth down his hair, and touch his face and hold him to me. He’s trying to speak to me through wracking sobs, but he’s not making any sense, and if I tried to speak at this point, neither would I. Skinner walks towards us, but I hold my hand up to stop him.

Mulder looks up at me and takes my face in his hands. He looks at me and whispers that he thought he would never see me again. I kiss him. I feel him kissing me back and everything around us is gone. Nothing matters right now. The world could end and it wouldn’t matter.

Mulder’s home.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

I didn’t hear you leave, I wonder ‘how am I still here’
I don’t want to move a thing, it might change my memory

Oh I am what I am, I’ll do what I want, but I can’t hide

I won’t go, I won’t sleep, I can’t breathe, until you’re resting here with me
I won’t leave, I can’t hide, I cannot be, until you’re resting here with me

I don’t want to call my friends, they might wake from this dream
And I can’t leave this bed, risk forgetting all that’s been

Oh I am what I am, I’ll do what I want, but I can’t hide

I won’t go, I won’t sleep, I can’t breathe, until you’re resting here with me
I won’t leave, I can’t hide, I cannot be, until you’re resting here with me

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