| Subject: Re: UNAIRED FULL HOUSE EPISODE |
Author:
RONALD MCDONALD
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Date Posted: 21:43:42 08/25/02 Sun
In reply to:
-chuckie22-
's message, "UNAIRED FULL HOUSE EPISODE" on 20:51:54 05/10/02 Fri
>The Sodomizing Stick
>Episode 489
>Full House]PIJWER]-O
>\[OKRTH]KORT]PBORTOPWRTWRTNWH-26OP5WYYYYYYNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> (DJ is eating Michelle’s cake.)
>DJ: Mmm…your cake is good, Michelle.
>Michelle: Get your mouth outta my cake. It’s for
>Uncle Jesse’s “return to Paris” party.
>DJ: Michelle, bite me, you squirrelfisting anal belch…
>Michelle: Bite you? I’m tellin’ Dad…
> (Michelle walks into the living room. She spots Joey
>and her dad doing something unfamiliar.)
>Michelle: Daddy, why do you have your pee-pee in Uncle
>Jesse’s poo hole? That doesn't go there...
>Danny Tanner: HOLY SHIT! You're not supposed to be
>here! Go...make a cake or something, dammit! We've got
>important business to do here, now get outta here you
>dirty slut!
>Michelle: Dad, DJ told me to-
>Danny Tanner: Michelle, I don’t care if DJ told you to
>bite her!!! You don’t interrupt Joey and Daddy’s
>talks…especially when they’re in pure darkness, and
>involve sentilating moaning and lots of squishy noises.
>Michelle: (tear) I’m sorry, Daddy.
>Danny Tanner: Oh…(puts his dick away) I can’t stay mad
>at you
> (Long fuzzy moment….Hug…shitty piano music…blah blah)
> (Michelle leaves and Danny goes back to triangling
>Joey.)
>DJ: So, ittle bitty baby, did Dad get ever so mad at
>me?
>Michelle: No, but he did say he fucked your boyfriend
>Steve in his dirty little shithole…
>DJ: But Steve was a jock. He was totally into me…He
>loved my snatch…I gave it to him every night…
> (Stephanie enters, hand on hip, head COCKED to the
>side.)
>Stephanie: (Hand on hip, head COCKED) Are you two
>fighting again.......?
>Michelle: (with angel look and hands behind back) OH
>of course not! I was just telling DJ what a rancid
>cunt she had…and then she said stuff about letting
>Steve go diving in it…
>Stephanie: I did too…but what does Steve love more
>than puss-puss?
>DJ: GASP food…and I’m not rancid, Michelle, I douche
>regularly.
>Stephanie: Yeah, I’m the one who never douches, but
>Steve still loved my shit. It was all
>well-groomed…and I have a little sack that hangs out…
>DJ: Steph, that’s fucked up.
>Stephanie: About as fucked up as Dad being a sodomy
>freak…
>DJ: That’s true…We’ve got to cure Dad’s addiction to
>sodomy. And what a perfect place to do it…here in Gay
>Par-eee.
>Michelle: We should un-addict him before Uncle Jesse
>gets back. It would be a nice present.
>DJ: Yeah, Uncle Jesse would love to be around his
>family without Dad constantly trying to get into his
>leather pants.
>Stephanie: So, that’s our goal? To cure Dad’s
>addiction to sodomy?
>DJ: No, that’s you and Michelle’s goal. My goal is to
>get fucked by the top comedian in Paris.
>Stephanie: But, Deej, the top comedian in Paris is-
> (They all look around…except for DJ who has a
>maniacal shit-eating grin on her face.)
>DJ: Joey Gladstone…
>Michelle: You want Joey to put his hoo hoo dinger into
>your cha cha?
>DJ: That’s the plan, runt. Small fry. Tiny.
>Microbe. Dweeb. Scumbag. Shitfister.
>Michelle: Hey! Don’t call me a microbe!
>Stephanie: Yeah…only I can call her a microbe…(grabs a
>basketball from the shelf and dribbles it like a
>generic 80’s show would do) C’mon, aren’t you gonna
>steal the ball from me?
>Michelle: (trying to steal the ball) Awww, c’mon,
>Stephanie, why can’t you just let me have it?
>Stephanie: Cuz that would be too easy…Just steal the
>God damn thing…
>Michelle: No, you steal this…(Michelle pulls down her
>pants to reveal her tight underdeveloped pre-pubescent
>disfigured mantrout of a puss-puss.)
> (Danny walks in with sperm and jizz and cum and white
>swallow on his face.)
>Danny Tanner: Girls, girls, girls, what is this jibba
>jabba? (licks lips) Michelle, why are you shootin’
>yer poonanner off at your sisters?
>Michelle: They took the ball, and they wouldn’t let me
>have it.
>Danny Tanner: What the hell is a basketball doing on
>the 42nd floor of a Paris hotel?
>Michelle: I don’t know, but I wanted it.
>Stephanie: But you didn’t have to provide us with a
>view of your tongo, did you?
>Michelle: (in tears) yes…
>Danny Tanner: (sympathetic) Awww, Michelle…(puts her
>on his lap…and gets a hard-on) Everytime someone does
>something to you, you can’t just pull out your
>vachingo and expect everything to get better…
>Michelle: (still crying) But that’s what Mom did.
>Stephanie: (in tears too) I miss mom.
>DJ: (in tears) I do too.
>Stephanie: (in tears also) Me too.
>Michelle: (in tears as well) Don’t forget about me.
>DJ: (in tears AGAIN!) I miss mom too.
>Danny Tanner: Well, I know. I miss Mom too. And,
>yes, every time someone made your mother angry, she
>would pull out her hairmutton, but look what happened.
> She ended up with three kids, and then she died. And
>not just any death…a long gruesome painful one…with
>diseases and cancer and diseases and long rigorous
>hours of having things shoved up your ass…And then
>finally one day she exploded in a gas station fire.
>So, Michelle, do you want to end up like your mother?
>Michelle: No…but I know she wanted the best for me…
>Danny Tanner: Of course she did…
>Michelle: Yeah…
> (Long silence, hugs, even a kiss)
>Michelle: Dad?
>Danny Tanner: Yes, hun?
>Michelle: Why are you addicted to sodomy?
>Danny Tanner: (GASP) Why, I never! (Smacks Michelle
>in the face with a broom) How could you sink so low,
>Michelle? I am not a sodomy addict…
>Michelle: (in more tears, Does this bitch ever stop
>crying?) Daddy, it’s not right! You need help! You
>can’t just go around putting your Will Smith into
>other’s tubes. That’s wrong! You need help!
>Stephanie: She’s right, dad!
>Danny Tanner: You stay outta this, Steph. Your
>vaginal belt may be well-groomed and undouched, but
>this is between me and the little runt! Now,
>Michelle, tell Daddy why you think he’s a sodomic
>freak!
>Michelle: Because you like to insert your boxcutter
>into guy’s rectums, Dad!
>Danny Tanner: No, I don’t! I just do that for ratings
>on my hit show “Wake Up San Francisco”! (thumbs up to
>the camera, smile, teeth glitter)
>DJ: But, Dad, we’re not in San Franciso, we’re in
>Paris…
>Danny Tanner: (Turns around with fury) Deej, you
>shriveled up monkey’s scrotum, STAY OUT OF THIS!!
>This has nothing to do with you!
>DJ: Yes, it has everything to do with me…Face it, Dad,
>you’re addicted to sodomy…
>Danny Tanner: I will not face it…I am not addicted.
> (Joey enters.)
>Joey: (in Popeye voice) What’s all this commotion?
>Akukukukuk…
>Danny Tanner: The girls are telling me I need help
>with my sodomy addiction, which I don’t have!!!
>Joey: Actually, Danny, you do…Your sodomy addiction is
>terrible…Today, you even stuck your Bullwinkle into my
>Popeye…
>Danny Tanner: And you didn’t like it?
>Joey: No, I loved it, but when you got to my prostate
>glands, I thought “Jesus, this guy really is addicted
>to sodomy…and Danny is, too…”
>Danny Tanner: So, you all are suggesting I get help?
>All in Unison: Yes.
>DJ: You’ll be a better man when you’re not trying to
>be a clamsniffing assfucker…
>Danny Tanner: All right, I know the hardest part is
>admitting you have an addiction, but, let’s face it, I
>do…but it’s no worse than Stephanie’s addiction to
>clit piercing…or Michelle’s sudden interest in ice
>sculpting, or DJ’s love of queefing.
>Stephanie: Dad, those aren’t addictions, those are
>hobbies. We only do those three times a day…You
>sodomize on an hourly basis…
>Danny Tanner: All right, I get it…I’m an asshole that
>sodomizes assholes…but how do I get better?
>(desperately gay face)
>DJ: Counseling…and lots of it.
>Michelle: Yeah, they’ll start you off on a strict
>sodomy-free regiment…
>Danny Tanner: Okay, I can do that. I can live without
>sodomy. This will not get me down. I’ll pass this
>with flying colors.
>DJ: Good attitude, dad…
>Danny Tanner: Thanks, hun…
> (Group hug, a huge array of cuteness, a giant
>“awwwwwwwwww” from the audience, more like
>awwwwwwdience…haha)
>Danny Tanner: So, Joey, wanna go play “Find My Penis
>in Your Ass”?
>Stephanie: No, dad, you can’t do that anymore…
>Joey: Awwww, and I wanted an asspounding…
>Danny Tanner: This is gonna be harder than I thought…
> (They all shrug and the camera fades to a shot of the
>hotel later…Apparently, it’s the next day. Jesse is
>due to arrive in three days.)
>DJ: (reading a French magazine) Aha! I have it!
>Stephanie: What? Crabs?
>DJ: Yes…and a solution to Dad’s addiction. Read this.
> (DJ hands Stephanie the magazine.)
>Stephanie: (Reading) Looking for a nice time with a
>busty babe? A beautifully feminine, but not too
>feminine, piece of ass for your pleasure and
>enjoyment. (looks up)
>Michelle: A manly French whore? Why, that’s perfect!
>Just manly enough to keep Dad satisfied, but fully
>equipped with a twat!
>DJ: Yep…it’s all good…
>Stephanie: Here’s the number to call. You do it,
>Deej, you’re the only one who knows the numbers.
>DJ: All right. (picks up phone and dials number,
>waits a few seconds, and then has a fake conversation
>with a fake phone, conveniently repeating everything
>the person on the opposite end said.) Ahhh, hello, is
>this the manly French whore? (waits)Great! (waits)
>We were wondering about our dad. Well, he’s kind of
>addicted to sodomy. (waits) Oh, you could? (waits)
>That’s great! (waits) Saturday? That’s perfect!
>(waits) All right, see you then. (hangs up phone)
>Stephanie: Don’t bullshit me, Deej…you weren’t talking
>to anyone…
>DJ: I know…I don’t know my numbers either. We’ll have
>to ask Joey.
>Michelle: You always want to ask Joey. Is it cuz you
>want his hot manslice?
>DJ: Yeah, his Woodchuck voice makes me hot!
>Stephanie: I guess it is pretty sexy.
>DJ: You stay away, bitch…he’s my noncreative
>multi-voiced bad acting comedian!
>Stephanie: Fine, Deej…go fuck him…I hope your babies
>are retarded.
>Michelle: I think Joey’s babies would be retarded with
>anyone as a mother.
>DJ: And I think Michelle smells like a freshly queefed
>cunt…
>Michelle: (Flips off DJ) I don’t smell like a freshly
>queefed cunt. I smell like flowers. Daddy told me so…
>DJ: Dad must be talking about the freshly queefed
>cuntflower.
>Michelle: Leave me alone, DJ! (stomps) Don’t make me
>show you my stubbled Nancy!!
>DJ: Go ahead…show off your bush, but you know you’ll
>just get another talk from Dad…
>Michelle: What if I like those talks?
>DJ: You only like them because they always end in hugs
>and ice cream…
>Michelle: No, I like them because I have an affinity
>for important lessons.
>DJ: You have an affinity for being a little shitfaced
>cumguzzler!
>Stephanie: Once again, that’s me…I’m the shitfaced
>cumguzzler…I like being shat upon my face, and I
>guzzle and gurgle cum…for fun.
>DJ: Steph, stay outta this, you little virgin
>puckering asshole!
>Stephanie: Don’t be a powerbitch, Deej, you’re nothing
>more than a pebble on my path to being the-
>DJ: Ball-draining Cum Queen?
>Stephanie: Exactly…so fuck off! (leaves the room)
>DJ: We’re getting nowhere…We’re gonna have to work
>together to cure Dad’s sodomy addiction…
>Michelle: Even though you’re a dildosmuggling
>cuntsmasher, DJ, I’m willing to work together…
>DJ: And I’m willing to work with you despite the fact
>you’re a skin-flute-extraordinaire…
> (They hug and have hardcore sex right on the table.)
> (The scene cuts to the next room.)
>Danny Tanner: (reading the paper) Those girls have
>something planned. I know them…and they’re planning a
>way for this addiction to go away.
>Joey: Yes, and (in cartoonish voice) I’m sure it will
>be a great plan. (changes voices) You know how those
>girls always come up with great plans that always
>work….no matter what.
>Danny Tanner: Wait, Joey, their plans never work…They
>always backfire and end up hurting someone very
>close…like Kimmy.
>Joey: Fuck Kimmy.
>Danny Tanner: Already did. Twice.
>Joey: Me too. Her pussy was like a cemetery.
>Danny Tanner: Yeah, there were lots of dead things in
>it.
>Joey: Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t bring her to Paris with
>us.
>Danny Tanner: Yeah, me too…but I wish I could have
>brought Betsy…
>Joey: Betsy?
>Danny Tanner: She’s this transvestite I met on the set
>of the show. She wanted my cock, and it was during a
>commercial, so I took her to my trailer and had my way
>with her…
>Joey: And what way was that?
>Danny Tanner: I took it up the ass…
>Joey: Yeah, I thought so.
>Danny Tanner: Then I delivered it up the ass…
>Joey: Yep, kinda like you did to me, huh?
>Danny Tanner: Very similar to that…yes…
>Joey: That’s sodomy, Danny. You’re addicted. You
>need help.
>Danny Tanner: Yeah, we’ve covered that all…and I want
>help. I don’t want my family to hate me just because
>I’m into weird kinky sex.
>Joey: They don’t hate you, Dan-dan, they just like you
>better when you’re not putting your Danny No-glover
>into guy’s rectum areas…
>Danny Tanner: I think I understand…but still, sodomy
>is a very important thing in my life…and I can’t give
>up all the years I put into perfecting it.
>Joey: If you love it so much, you should be able to
>control it…Look at me, I can control my cartoon
>voices. (switches randomly between cartoon voices)
>Danny Tanner: Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sodomy
>addictions are similar to cartoon voices…
>Joey: In so many ways…(offers high five, Danny accepts)
>Danny Tanner: So I can’t fuck your shithole then?
>Joey: Despite the fact that I want you to tear the
>hell out of it, you can’t.
>Danny Tanner: Not even once…
>Joey: Not until you’re cured. Then you can do it in
>moderation…
>Danny Tanner: Oh, boy, I can’t wait…
>Joey: I can’t either.
>Danny Tanner: I especially love when you do those high
>pitched cartoon yelps when I take it to your heinie…
>Joey: What cartoon yelps?
> (The camera cuts back to Stephanie sitting on a bed
>with her Mr. Bear stuffed animal.)
>Stephanie: Mr. Bear, am I really a slut like DJ
>believes me to be? (pauses and expects answer from
>Mr. Bear) Who cares if I let any guy fuck me? I just
>love the feeling. I even like it when you put your
>furry arm into my muzzy. (Stephanie looks around and
>places Mr. Bear’s arm into her pants.) Give it to me,
>you trench-coated bear stud!
>DJ: (walks by room) Steph, who are you talking to?
>Stephanie: (throws Mr. Bear aside and buttons up
>pants) Oh, no one…just thinking aloud…
>DJ: Do you say “Give it to me, you trench-coated bear
>stud!” when you’re thinking aloud?
>Stephanie: Ummm….yes, all the time.
>DJ: Okay…(walks off)
>Stephanie: She’d never understand…(picks up Mr. Bear
>and picks up where she left off) Oh, that’s the
>g-spot, Mr. Bear, you’re a pro!
>DJ: (Comes back into room in the middle of Stephanie’s
>commotion) Steph, I forgot to say – GASP – What the
>fuck?! You are a slut!
>Stephanie: (in shock, throws Mr. Bear across the room,
>his arm drenched in liquid) Deej! I wasn’t doing
>anything…
>DJ: You were letting that bear manually please you! I
>saw it! Wait until I tell your friend Gia about this.
>Stephanie: Dammit, Deej, nothing was happening! And
>Gia’s not my friend…our friendship was broken that
>time we were in the bathroom and she accepted a
>cigarette and I wouldn’t smoke one because I was a
>pussy.
>DJ: So you’re both a pussy and a bear slut!! What’s
>next?! Me finding you having sex with some random
>Paris yokel?
>Stephanie: No, that was yesterday’s adventure.
>Today’s involves eels and lots of sweaty gay
>supermodels.
>DJ: Oh, you really are a slut…I can’t cure Dad’s
>addiction if I have to babysit a whore like you! I
>guess you’re just not into helping Dad.
>Stephanie: No, I want to help him! I want to help him
>more than you!
>DJ: Oh, is that a challenge?!
>Stephanie: I guess it is!
>DJ: Fine! If you cure Dad’s addiction before I do,
>I’ll stop calling you a slut, and I’ll do the dishes
>for a week!
>Stephanie: Fine!
>DJ: But if I win, you’ve got to do the dishes, and
>you’ve got to put in a good word about me with Joey!
>Stephanie: Fine, Deej, but you’re going down!!
>DJ: Kinda like Mr. Bear going down on you?
>Stephanie: He never did that! He only fingered-
>(GASP, covers mouth)
>DJ: So, you were fucking around with that bear?! I’m
>calling Gia!
> (DJ runs out fast…Stephanie follows…in pissed off
>mode…)
SUCK MY NADS WITH A SIDE ORDER OF FRIES!
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