Date Posted:22:31:57 10/18/05 Tue Author:Colleen Subject: My angel and angel twin
My second child Nathalie (I named her to make me feel better) died due to a ectopic pregnancy. I felt shattered and to make things worse, people including my family were like "you have one, what is your problem". She would have been 7 years old on July 23rd.
It took three years and a ton of infertilty tests to get pregnant again. We were so excited and then to find out it was twins. We thought God was giving us back our baby. That was not the case, they turned out to be identical twins (that is me, not the fertilty drugs) and they had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Morgan died in utero in the second trimester and it became a fight to save Meghan. She is healthy and doing well. She turned 5 years old on July 12th. Again I got, "you at least have one of them, what is your problem". My attitude towards that is you have two arms, cut off one. "You still have one arm, what is your problem". Bad attitude I realize, but it makes me sad and angry to have my precious angels blown off like they do not count.
I can also no longer have anymore children, we tried for five years. It did not work. Due to family cancer history I had to have a complete hysterectomy two months ago.
I thought I was handling things pretty well, until Meghan started Kindergarten. There are identical twin boys in her class and she is asking why they have each other and why Morgan died. My oldest remembers Nathalie and Morgan both. Now she is asking as well. It is bringing it all back with a flood of emotion I do not know how to handle. I am looking for support and suggestions, I need to know I am not alone and that I can get through this.
