Re: 30 cents off your next act of terrorism -- Lafcadio T. Lion and Strawberry Sage and Friends Fun Forum

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Date Posted: 17:18:54 01/23/02 Wed
Author: Doormat Lion, with a greeting for Papilleau
Author Host/IP: qam1b-sif-86.monroeaccess.net / 12.27.214.87
Subject: Re: 30 cents off your next act of terrorism
In reply to: Papilleau via Sage 's message, "30 cents off your next act of terrorism" on 01:18:59 01/23/02 Wed

It's about time someone else mentioned this. I was recently trapped behind a tribe of Arabic looking folks in the checkout line at the local Kroger on double coupon day, so I know this must be a true news account. They are a craftly lot, these terrorists, are they not? However...

from the metropolitan deeps of Possum Flop, Tennessee, our correspondent, S. B. Turtlemaker, reports this news item:

Possum Flop, Tennessee --- (Special from the Hillbilly News Network) Local law enforcement officials investigated a disturbance at a local residence on Thursday. Law enforcement officials report that a recent arrival in the city had gone beserk after opening his mail.

Usama Haaz bin Inhiding, age unreported, a Saudi Arabian national in the United States on a student visa to study Atomic Energy and Tractor Pulling at the local community college has been detained for qquestioning. The police claim that bin Inhiding went into a panicked rage upon receiving a mail notice from a food manufacturing concern. The food concern had elected to exercise its option under their retailer coupon redemption plan to substitute merchandise in lieu of cash payments.

Local police claim that bin Inhiding's apartment was littered with what an unidentified officer called "about a gazillion" pork chops and packages of fat back. "It looks like the ole boy kindly lost it and flung pork chops and fatback everywhere before he commenced to rant and rave about 'Allah and the Infidels,'" said Sheriff Tommy Wayne ("Booger") Bodine to our correspondents. "I reckon that's one of them new A-rab Rap Groups," he mused.

Officers had to give foot chase to bin Inhiding for more than a mile before he was brought down with a bone crushing full field tackle by Deputy Betty Gene Wilbanks, former All Star cornerback of the Tennessee All Inmate Football Felons' championship team of 1995. "That old boy kept a'babblin' 'bout us not having any decent caves in these parts," Wilbanks volunteered. "And, I don't rightly think he was none too pleased that a woman catched him," she added with a satisfied grin. "Why he got plumb awful when I frisked him and said somethin' about his compass not pointing east."

Members of the ACLU have filed suit in local district court to have bin Inhiding released immediately on grounds that they hadn't thought of any yet, but he was obviously being denied some kind of Constitutional rights anyhow. "Our nation must treat all its visitors with dignity and respect," declared ACLU attorney, B. K. Nippelsucker, as she stood on the courthouse lawn near the statue commemorating Possum Flop's war hero, Jefferson Davis Beauregard McCutcheon. McCutcheon made history during the never forgotten War of Northern Aggression when he single handedly devastated the finances of the occupation troops of the Union Army with a rigged "Three Card Monte" game.

Our on scene correspondents will continue to follow developments in this history making case and file those reports from their command center in the palatial Possum Flop Helluvaday Inn as they become available.

Now, there is news you can sink your teeth into and use in your everyday life. Thanks for the heads up, S. B.

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