| Subject: An apology |
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Namün and Madjael
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Date Posted: 11:38:43 06/25/02 Tue
It wasn't until the smell of smoke reached her nose that Namün began to pay attention to the shouts from outside. She dressed hurriedly, curious as to what was the cause of her trouble. In a city built mainly of stone, fire was not a common occurence.
Buttoning her blouse as she went, she hurried along the palace corridors, nearly bumping into a soldier as she rounded a corner. He turned sharply to berate her, then stopped, perhaps recognising her face. She took advantage of the moment.
"Please, what's going on?"
"There was a fire. But don't worry miss, it's under control now."
He definitely recognised her. No soldier ever treated a servant girl with that amount of courtesy without good reason. She also noticed him looking curiously at her reddened eyes, which still betrayed her earlier tears. She blushed and muttered "Thank-you" before passing on.
Now that she had been assured any danger had past though, she wasn't sure what to do. There was work to be done, but she didn't want to have to face Mirwan again at the moment. And she was still too angry with her lover to want to find him.
Yet inside her was another emotion, the niggling feeling of guilt. For some reason, she felt bad about her behaviour towards Madjael. She couldn’t really blame him for the way he’d behaved, it was just who he was. Shouting at him hadn’t helped.
After all, she had hurt him. But time had passed, and he’d had time to heal. It might be nice if they could bury the hatchet and perhaps become friends again. Unfortunately, he was so stubborn, he would never make the first move. She was stubborn too, but becoming less so. She was being forced to mature. The apology would have to come from her.
Making up her mind, she decided to try his room first. It was unlikely he would be there at this time of day, but she wasn’t sure where else he would be either. She knocked on the door.
"Madjael? Are you in there? It’s me- Namün. Can I come in?"
The noise jolted him awake. He sat bolt upright in the semi-darkness of his room, looking around him.
Anawiel was gone. Her pile of clothes had disappeared, not a trace of her was left to be seen. Madjael caught his throbbing head in his hands, letting out a small sob barely audible.
What was he supposed to do? He couldn't face Namün now. Not after that. His face burned crimson at the mere thought of what Namün would say if she knew, if she could tell the moment he opened the door. She'd just hate him even more
Madjael cleared his throat.
"Come in."
She pushed the door open softly and stepped in, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She took the scene in quickly, yet it didn't surprise her for some reason. She'd broken the bond between them; he was free to do whatever he wished.
Still, he looked embarassed. Not wanting to make the meeting any more uncomfortable than it already was, she tried to pretend she hadn't noticed. Instead, she took a deep breath and tried to say what she had come for.
"I need to apologise for shouting at you before. You didn't deserve it, not really. I had no right to take my feelings out on you."
He could tell by the way her eyes flitted across the room that she knew. Instantly. Madjael tried to hide his reddening face.
"You don't have to apologise for anything. I get feelings taken out on me a lot nowadays."
His voice was cold and cutting, trying to freeze all his memories of her out of his mind. But they overwhelmed him, choking his thoughts.
"And I don't want your apology, your pity anyway. It's not for me - it's to make yourself feel better, Namün."
He fixed her gaze with steady eyes, "And you know it as well as I do."
She felt her anger rising, and replied hotly. "If I wanted to make myself feel better, do you really think I'd choose to do so by admitting I was wrong? By coming in here so you could insult me and make things even worse than they already are? Don't flatter yourself Madjael."
"Namün, please," he spoke with a deadly patience as if talking to a young child, "Please just leave me alone. I can't..."
His voice almost cracked at that point. Everything he had ever felt for Namün was crowding into his head, muddled with Anawiel his friend and the Anawiel he'd been with earlier.
Namün no longer seemed as angry, but was looking at him oddly.
"I can't do this anymore." He finished quietly. "I can't talk to you, or be near you, or even be nice to you, because I can only think about how badly I am still in love with you."
He shook his head and added bitterly, "And all the while you're off with the king." Madjael reached for a white shirt, yanking it over his head. He dragged on brown leggings, before standing up to look at Namün directly.
"I have to go to training now. Is there anything else you wish to say to me?"
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