| Subject: Love |
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Namün and Madjael
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Date Posted: 22:22:02 06/25/02 Tue
She couldn't say anything for a while, just looked at him dumbly. He was in love with her?
"What am I supposed to say?" she demanded.
This was the last thing she'd have expected from Madjael. Their time together had been intense and deeply passionate, but she had never felt the deeper bonds of love forming between them. She wasn't even sure if he'd been faithful to her during their relationship, and had chosen not to ask. Some things were better left unknown. Perhaps this would have been better left unknown. She wasn't sure of how to react, or of what to feel. Why now, after all this time?
He stood, anger building inside of him for no apparent reasoning. "You're supposed to tell me I'm lying," Madjael growled " Or tell me you don't love me. Tell me you're in love with the king. Tell me you hate me. Anything! As long as it is not a lie, then say it, Namün. And mean it."
He put on his green boots, mainly to avoid her face. "Or," he spoke slowly again, "You can walk out of here and forget this ever happened."
Madjael knew she didn't love him. Couldn't love him even if she tried. He had almost added "And leave me like you did before" but he had said too much and did not want to cross over into the broken-heartedness that would come if Namün did not tell him the truth. He had never felt so vunerable in his lifetime.
"I can't walk out of here, you know that. I can't just run away. We have to talk about this.
Why didn't you ever say anything before?"
"It doesn't matter! You didn't care then why should you care now? And anyway," he had to hold himself back from yelling, "it makes no difference! All I want is your answer then I can live my life again!"
Madjael shook his head bitterly. "Why can't you see that?" He stood up suddenly, adding quietly :
"I have to go to training." And made for the door, pushing past Namün.
"Don't you dare leave!"
She span around, catching hold of his arm. "You can't just tell me something like this and walk out! Don't say it doesn't matter, because it matters to me!"
He shook her arm away and she realised she was shouting. When she continued, her voice was little more than a whisper.
"I don't know what I think, and I don't know what I feel. Yes, I love Aragorn. But I don't even know if we still have a relationship, or a future. And I don't hate you either. I do care, no matter what you may think. You were a part of my life for such a long time, and I can't cut you out of that. I missed you, and I still do. I needed you so much, but you weren't there. And that was my fault."
She looked up at him, lip quivering. "I've changed too much to go back. What they did to me- I'll never be able to escape it. I'm a different person now Madjael. Maybe I'm not the person you loved any more. But what are you going to do? Just disappear from my life entirely? Show up and tell me this, then vanish?" Like I did to you.
"I'm so confused, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make everything right again."
Madjael stared at the floor. At least she admitted it was her fault, he thought numbly.
"I don't know. I don't know how anything can ever be right between use, I don't think it ever can, I don't think we have a future and I have to go to training. "
Namün glared at him under narrowed eyebrows causing Madjael to gulp half in terror and half because he wasn't sure what else to say to her.
"We do need to talk though. But here is neither the time or the place and if I stay here any longer I could lose my job."
Namün narrowed her eyes further searching his face. "Seriously. I'll meet you in the Rusty Chain tavern at 6 o'Clock."
And with that he left, before she could say anything to make him stay.
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