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Date Posted: 12:15:13 05/31/02 Fri
Author: Sela
Subject: Church Bulletin Bloopers

Happy Joke Friday Everybody!

I'm sure you'll enjoy these. Let me know which are your favorites! #33 is my #1 favorite with #4 running a close 2nd.

> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These
> sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
> church services:
> 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be
> speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist.
> Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
> 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national
> PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
> "The cost for attending the Fasting and
> Prayer conference includes meals."
> 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
> Water." The sermon tonight:"Searching for Jesus."
> 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action
> Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
> Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
> chance to get rid of those
> things not worth keeping around the house. Don't
> forget your husbands."
> 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
> been canceled due to a conflict.
> 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
> community.
> 8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell"
> to someone who doesn't care much about you.
> 9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
> 10. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this
> way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
> 11. For those of you who have children and don't
> know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
> 12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
> choir. They need all the help they can get.
> 13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
> donors for more transfusions. She is also having
> trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
> 14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the
> rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F.
> Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
> 15. The Rector will preach his farewell message
> after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
> 16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
> October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that
> began in their school days.
> 17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
> the church hall. Music will follow.
> 18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
> will be "What is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> 19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due
> to the addition of several new members and to the
> deterioration of some older ones.
> 20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and
> other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
> cripple children.
> 21. The Lutheran Men's Group will meet at 6 P.M..
> Steak, mashe potatoes, green beans, bread and
> dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
> 22. Please place your donation in the envelope along
> with the deceased person you want remembered.
> 23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker
> and heave a healthy lunch.
> 24. The church will host an evening of fine dining,
> superb entertainment,and gracious hostility.
> 25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. - prayer and
> medication to follow.
> 26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
> of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on
> Friday afternoon.
> 27. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing
> in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
> and come prepared to sin.
> 28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
> at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
> Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

> 29. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
> at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
> 30. The eighth-graders will be presenting
> Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited
> to attend this tragedy.
> 31. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
> Presbyterian Church. Please use large at the side entrance.
> 32. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this
> week for testes.
> 33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
> tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
> 34. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get
> High."

> 35. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> congregation would lend him their electric girdles
> for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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