Daily Horoscopes with a smile -- RealityFans

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Date Posted: 10:07:00 05/26/02 Sun
Author: Cari
Subject: Daily Horoscopes with a smile

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Sinners may reform, but stupid is forever.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will spend another day surrounded by idiots, or perhaps by well meaning but simple folks, who will drone on and on until your smile becomes forced, and you will begin to look like a deranged rodent.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Excellent day to refer to everyone as "Doctor". This will make them grin, and they'll forget all about that favor they were going to ask of you.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good time to invest in stock. (The canned kind, not the dry kind.)

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as "Frijole-breath" before the day is through.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
E-coli. It's what's for dinner!

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks, today. Actually, it's stranger than you think -- they'll all members of a pagan cult, and this is Sock Swap Day.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more, unless you've paid.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This is a good time to remember Einstein's advice, to make things as simple as possible, but no simpler. That applies both to theoretical physics, and in your case, to dinner.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A careless delivery person will drop an entire case of pills when you are in a pharmacy, today. Did you know that nitroglycerin is still used, sometimes, in the treatment of heart disease?

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
It's time for you to consider being kinder to your feet. And stop taking them for granted! For example, when's the last time you sat down and had a nice friendly chat with them? Do it today!

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good time to invest in flowers and a card. Sometimes no occasion is the best occasion. Just like sometimes no disfiguring disease is the best disfiguring disease, I guess.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Someone will try to give you an egg salad sandwich today. Refuse them. Be polite, yet firm.

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