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Date Posted: 10:35:18 07/19/00 Wed
Author: TheRunaway
Subject: Visions

Visions
Author TheRunaway

I knew the moment my eyes saw her that she was the one I wanted to be with. I was 14 years old and I could see her stood there waiting to get served at the counter, at the time people called it a crush but I knew, even then that it was more. Long brown hair and the deepest darkest brown eyes I had ever seen, mesmerised. Then she was served and I watched her walk out of the store, gone forever.

I made it home that night and I spent a great deal of time just thinking about her, wondering if there was ever anyway I would see her again. The chances were slim I had never seen her before I knew nothing about her. I persuaded myself that it was best if I stopped thinking about her, but throughout the holidays I thought of very little else. I was not looking forward to going back to school, after such a long break going back was always difficult and it was hard to get back into the swing of things.

The first day back was spent catching up with friends and telling tales of the holidays and getting settled back into the routine. The school seemed almost empty because the new pupils who were starting that year did not start until later in the morning and the school would be full to bursting point. I could not help but smile when I thought of all the new admissions that would feel lost in such a big school. It seemed such a long time since I had felt like that; the reality was only a year. The first half of the morning passed quickly and it was time for a break, I made my way though the school and headed to my normal destination. As I had suspected the school was full of new pupils trying to find out where they were supposed to be. Walking into the hall I stopped and there she was stood not twenty feet from me the girl I had seen on Holiday.

I spent the rest of the day trying to find out who she was and as much information as I could about her. I managed to find out that her name was Laura but that was about it. I got home that evening after school, finished what homework I had, what I had written probably did not make sense all I could think of was Laura. The truth of the situation offered no comfort she was out of my league I had nothing she would be interested in. Although I had those thoughts I still wanted to know everything about her and I made it my goal to find out all I could.

I spent the next couple of weeks trying to be everywhere she was, I never knew if she even noticed me, probably not, I hardly stood out from the crowd. The weeks passed and I began to get more and more frustrated. I did not have the courage to say anything to here, preferring to keep my distance for fear of ending up a fool. All my friends told me I was wasting my time and that I should move, I tried but to no avail. All I wanted was the chance to speak to her but even given that chance would I have the words to say. First impressions are supposed to be everything I did not have enough to make the kind of impression she needed. This went on for over a year, always I made sure I would be in the places she would be, hoping for the chance to say something.

The last day of my school life was a tough one, this had been the only place where I knew she would be only chance to see her would be gone, I had dreaded this day for almost two years but here it was finally upon me. I left for home at the end of that day and I saw Laura as I left. I so wanted to say something but words failed me, I stopped in her line of vision and she smiled at me. A year earlier that might have given me a little hope but not now, she would be gone.

I had chosen to join the RAF and would be shipped out for basic training within the next 7 weeks, I had always had dreams of flying since being a young child, and aircraft had always held a great fascination for me. I hoped it would help me to forget Laura but deep down I knew I would not forget her, just as I would always remain angry with myself for not having said anything. I had seven weeks to kill before I was shipped out to Hereford and I planned on spending as much time of that as I could with my friends.

It was late that night when I walked home, I took my usual detour past her house in the hope of seeing her, stupid I know but it had become a habit over the last years. I always felt like I was doing something progressing the situation somehow, the reality however was completely the opposite. I walked past her house as usual and carried on my way, turning the corner I could see walking toward me, obviously she was heading for home. I don't mind admitting I was nervous even after all this time she still had me awe struck. Slowly she walked past me and carried on, I stopped and turned around watching her walk away I had to know and I had to know now. "Laura" a called nervously, my brain taking control. Laura turned and stopped as if waiting for me to catch up to her, I don't remember being stood next to her but I must have covered the distance in record time. "Can we talk if you want to that is" I managed to stutter out," Yes but I have to hurry, I am late enough as it is" she replied smiling. At last I had her attention but now that I had it what was I going to say, I need not have worried "I never thought you would ever speak to me, you scare me at times" Laura said looking me straight in the eye. That was something I had never considered before, I was not even sure she had even noticed me, " Laura I'm sorry I never meant to scare you, I just wanted to talk to you but I did not know how to" I saw the tension leave her face as she laughed " Your calling me scary?" she asked. I could not believe this was happening here I was actually talking to her. I knew it had to be now or never time to state my intentions, lay my cards on the table if you will. "No you're far from scary I just wanted to get to know you but I never knew what to say. I was never very good at conversation" I replied carefully choosing my words after waiting this long I did not want to blow it. Time had flown fast and by now we were at the top of her street, Laura stopped and turned to face me, " This is where I live, but you probably know that already," She said smiling softly. I did not need reminding that this was it I had been trying to think of some parting words to say but nothing seemed appropriate the best I could manage was " Can I see you again?" I blurted out. I watched for signs of her answer trying to predict the response, it was useless, she just smiled "Yes here tomorrow night 7 O'clock" she responded as she walked slowly down her street.

I don't know how or what time I got home later that evening everything was just a blur I was on another planet. I had so much to think about, so many questions that I did not have answers to. I kept replaying the brief conversation over and over again in my mind looking for clues as to what she was thinking. Did she want to see me out of politeness?

As it always does when you have something to look forward to the next day dragged, minutes seemed like hours and hours seemed like decades. I left my house at around 5pm and I figured I would take a slow walk to her house, I knew even a slow walk would only take me about 45 minutes and I would be there far too early. I was nervous and I could not sit around doing nothing I needed to be doing something. The early evening was warm as the late August sun had began its descent I liked this time of year, the nights were light and it was comfortable warm. I arrived at my destination over an hour early; I sat on the bench at the top her street just watching what little traffic there was amble by.

I watched her walking toward me, she really was something special and she took pride in her appearance. Dressed in a white blouse and a red skirt she slowly made her way toward me. If I had a camera this was the picture I would have taken, beautiful was not a word that would do this girl justice.
"Hello" Laura whispered, I noticed she seemed as nervous as I did and I thought honesty would be the best policy "You as nervous as I am?" I asked smiling. It was great to see her smile as she nodded in agreement. I knew a place where we could go and talk, it was about a 20-minute walk and it was a place I had spent a lot of my youth at. It seemed suitably romantic. It was not until years later that I came to realise just how much Laura loved the place. I figured she might feel the need to ask questions and I had prepared myself as best I could with the answers.
"Is there anything you want to ask?" I queried, my logic was that if I got this out of the way then she might feel a little more relaxed in my company. "I have so many questions, its hard to know where to begin," she replied with a puzzled look, "Ok why did you wait all this time to ask me out, almost 3 years, it does seem rather strange now that you are going away" This was something I had not expected, I had no idea that she knew I was going away and her comments did make sense and I could not help wondering if she saw this now as totally pointless. Something with no future. "I never knew how to approach you Laura, I was scared of you saying no. With me going away, I saw you the other night and it was a case of now or never. Stupid really but I just needed to know." I answered honestly. This did seem to reassure her somewhat as we sat down at the table. I could have been wrong but I seemed to sense some of her apprehension lift and she did seem visibly more relaxed.

We must have talked for hours before she said that we should be heading back home, if I had my way we would have stayed there forever, just to be in her company was more than I had ever dared imagine. The sun had fallen from the sky and the night had replaced day, the evening was still warm as we walked slowly back to her house. I needed to find out if this was just going to be a one of so I decided on a line of subtle questioning to see if I could get the reassurance I needed. I tried to keep my questions as open as possible to encourage her to talk; I did like the sound of her voice, so soft. " Have you enjoyed this evening?" I asked as I changed the subject, I smiled to myself when I realised that my so-called open questioning technique had fallen at the first hurdle. "Yes it been really nice" she replied paused for a moment and then asked "What about you?" Had I enjoyed myself, after almost 3 years of waiting just to talk to her made my life complete and anything else was just a very welcome bonus. "It's been a dream come true Laura" I replied smiling. I saw her blush and her eyes light up, then she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. I expected her to let go but she did not.

Then all too soon we had reached the top of her street, this was the moment I had dreaded all night, having to say goodbye. I never did goodbyes at the best of times but this was going to be harder then most. I wanted to see her again but before I had chance to say anything, she kissed me and began to walk away. This was not how I had envisaged this evening ending. "Can I see you again?" I called after her. I watched her stop and walk back toward me smiling. "Same time same place next week, call me please during the week" She replied as she left once again.

My mind was a blur after that night, It had gone far better then I had ever dared hoped. Laura was outdoing the dream at a frightening pace. I slept heavy that night and awoke bright and early the next morning. I sat down at breakfast and my mind wandered back to the nights previous events, I was disappointed that I would have to wait a week before I would see her again, at least she had said that I could call her. This was to present it's first challenge, did I wait a couple of days or did I call her straightaway. A problem that I hoped would be solved with time.

I met her at the usual time, place & day for the weeks I had left before I had to go and do my basic training. The last night together was difficult, I had second thoughts about going to see her, let alone going away at all. I could see her coming down the street as usual and I knew this was an image I would not see again for at least 6 weeks, perhaps even longer. With hindsight I wished I had not gone that night, the atmosphere between us was awkward to say the least, both concentrating too hard on avoiding the subject in hand, something had to give. I walked her home in almost complete silence and then I said something stupid, tired of the uncertainty I broached the subject "Listen Laura this does not have to be the end" she cut in immediately "The end, fine if this has just been a summer fling, I hope you had fun" with those words she was gone.

I was hurt as I walked home that night, I did not know what to do, and I never meant what I had said the way she took it. The more I thought about it the more I began to suspect that it was what she had wanted and I had given her a way out. It was all I could come up with but it still did not stop the hurt. I left early for Hereford the next morning by the train, the journey was long and I arrived late evening feeling very tired.

The next six weeks were mentally and physically very hard; the training was tough and the hours long. This was what I had come here for and I had to remain focused and make sure I passed; my future career depended on it. It helped me to forget about Laura as much as possible, there were times however when my resolve was not as strong as I would have hoped. I did wrote on a couple of occasions but I never got a reply, so I decided there was little I could do until I got back. I needed to see her face to face to save if I could make her see sense. I was not prepared to give up on her with out a fight; I had invested too much time for that to happen. I managed to pass my basic training and would be posted at RAF Leven, which was not too far from home as it happened. At least if I was lucky I might be able to get home at weekends.

I left the base that Friday night and made my way to the train station, it was going to be a long journey home, still I had 4 days leave before I was due back at my posting. The train journey home was long and laborious and I was more than pleased when the train pulled into the station. The night sky was clear and the wind was bitingly cold as I stepped off the train. I pulled my jacket closed and adjusted my cap and left the platform. It was good to be home amongst familiar surroundings, this was after all the place I belonged. I walked through the gate at the beginning of the platform and there stood Laura, the sight of her made me stop dead in my tracks, it was just like the first day that I ever saw her. I stood there what must have been minutes, watching her standing there biting her lip; the anxiety in her eyes was evident. It was at this point I knew that this girl could really hurt me but then if I did get hurt she would be worth every second of pain I felt. If I ended up alone I would always have the memories of her to look back upon. That was enough for me I dropped my bags and motioned for her to come toward me; hesitantly she did until she was little more than 12 inches from me. I put my hands on her shoulders and rested my head against hers "Friends" I said. Without looking up she replied, "We can never be friends it will always be more than that"

Laura and I spent much of my 4 days leave together and we had some good times. I did however; notice some apprehension but I was just grateful she was here. I always had the feeling that she did want to be here; in all the time we had been together we had never seen each other for two consecutive nights, I just assumed she need her space time would prove that thought to be wrong, so very wrong.

2

Years passed and Laura left school and took up a job with an advertising company, although she spoke little of it I knew she enjoyed what she did very much but when we were together she was more intent on talking about us and never mentioned what she did on a day-to-day basis. It was around this time that my choice of career had proved to be a bad one. I never made the grade to becoming a pilot and nothing else really appealed to me. I decided that perhaps it was time to leave the armed forces. It meant buying myself out of my contract but I considered it to be money well spent. Over the years I had managed to put quite a large sum of money to one side. I got lucky I was only out of work a couple of weeks before I got offered a position with a sales company, a job which I gratefully accepted. I managed to scrape enough money together to buy my own house, nothing fancy just a two up two down terraced affair.

I had thought long and hard about asking Laura to move in but I got the impression that was a step too soon for her. I gave her a key and she turned up as and when. Sometimes I would get home and she would be there already and other times the house would be empty. Laura stayed over maybe one or two nights a week at best, I hoped for more but I saw no point in pushing her. In time I thought the natural progression would be that she would just stay more and more nights, that never came to fruition. The times we had together were sublime, usually one of us cooked something nice to eat and we had a meal inside and then just talked the night away, just being with each other was enough. More often than not I would wake in the morning to find she had already gone she always left a note saying she would be back soon. That usually meant a couple of days to a week.

It was the end of the second week when I arrived home expecting Laura to be there, the house was in darkness. I turned on the lights and checked the answering machine for messages it was empty. I had not seen her or spoken to her in two weeks and I was both concerned and annoyed. I had called her work earlier in the day to speak to her but I was told she was in a meeting and that I could leave a message for her if I wished. I declined the offer; she already had messages from previous days when I had called. I made my mind up then that this was going to be sorted one way or another, the next time I saw her I was going to let her know exactly how I felt.

I wont ever forget that day, the rain had been crashing down all day and I had got wet on more than one occasion. Just getting out of the car and going into my house had left me sodden. I took off my coat and shoes and made my way upstairs into the bathroom to get a towel to dry myself off. I got changed and headed downstairs just as there was a knock at the door. I opened the door to see Laura stood there, soaked. I said nothing but motioned for her to come in. I took her coat off whilst she went upstairs, she even looked good wet but I was angry with her. I made a hot drink and waited for her to come downstairs into the sitting room. The wait did me the world of good it calmed me down and subsided my anger. An hour must have passed and still she had not come back downstairs and there had not been a sound for well over half an hour now. I went upstairs to investigate. The trail of soaking wet clothes was easy for me to follow, it surprised me because as a person she prided herself in her appearance and to see her clothes just discarded was something I had never seen before. I opened the bedroom door softly and looked inside to see her fast asleep in bed. I made my way over to the other side and sat down beside her, she looked so peaceful, I stroked her hair gently and she opened her eyes. "Don't shout at me please just be here with me, so I can hold you" she whispered. I could see no point in forcing an argument now she was obviously tired. I climbed into bed next to her, holding her tightly.

I awoke the next morning I could hear Laura was up and about and I knew she was about to leave again. I was not in the mood to go down and argue with her, something was on her mind but I had learned that she would tell when she ready and not a moment before, my line of thought was distracted by her entering the bedroom. Laura was not dressed as I had expected but was parading around in nothing more than one of old football shirts. I was confused as I took one of the cups out of her hand as she climbed back into bed and rested her head on my chest, a position she held for almost 5 seconds before she was sat on top of me. I could see by the look in her eyes she had a question for me. I smiled "Come on out with it" The pause lasted a lifetime I could see she was searching for the exact words to phrase her question, then it came "Why do you put up with me?" she queried. The point was valid and it was a question I had asked myself on a number of occasions, I had theories but that was all. I held her hands tightly, "Because your beautiful" I responded whilst I considered further, "You make me laugh and I just enjoy being with you so much, I love you"
That seemed to give her the information she was looking for, that was the one thing in all this time she had never once said she loved me, not ever. It did bother me but I hoped it would come in time. I liked to think she did but Laura was not the person you tried to second-guess. "Can I move in with you?" she asked changing the conversation completely. If there was one gift she had it was doing the unexpected and that question came like the ultimate bolt out of the blue. I was curious and she seemed in the mood for talking and I was going to take advantage of that "Of course you can but why now?" I watched with bewilderment her eyes glaze over and tears begin to form, "I just consider this place to be home and you always seem to want me no matter what I do. I just want to be with you more than anything else in the world" her voice was breaking as she struggled to fight back the tears. I knew there was more to this than she was telling "Laura there is something else, something your not telling me, you can tell me" I asked reassuringly. I had never seen her shed a tear and I did not like the sight or the feeling one little bit, it was tearing me in half to see her upset. I tried to wipe away her tears but she moved her face away, "Please let me tell you, I need to do this, I need you to know the truth," she sobbed, recomposing herself she continued slowly "The last three weeks we have been apart," I knew what was coming this was the point were she told me she was seeing someone else, that would explain away the fact that she never stayed for very long and went days without talking to me. I bit my lip and let her continue, "I am so sorry, I have done something so very wrong," I just sat there biting my lip here it was the hammer blow was going to come any second "I never spoke to you the last few weeks because I have been in hospital, I have cancer" Laura finished as she buried her head into my shoulder and cried.

I got the hammer blow I was expecting; only it wasn't just a hammer blow it was delivered more like a sledgehammer. I tried to be as strong and as supportive as I could for her but it was hard. I really was confused and so hurt for her. I held her tightly there was not much more I could do, I wiped away her tears and calmed her down as best I could. The rest of that day was spent just laying next to each other, she explained that she had gone to her local doctor for stomach pains and he had referred her to hospital where they did a few test. A week or so later she took a call at work saying they needed to see her immediately. They did an exploratory operation only to find she was riddled with the disease and there was nothing more that could be done. At best she had 3 months left but even that was optimistic.

Without any further delay I moved her in, I wanted to spend every moment with her, to make her as happy as possible. If the truth was told I had never seen her so happy, she spent most of the days writing, I never knew what she was writing she would not show me, she always said it was silly. There was only one last thing I needed to ask her and I did a week later, I proposed and she accepted, we managed to get a slot in the registry office for the following week and we made the plans as quickly as we could. The night before the wedding she even made me leaves the house to keep with tradition. I knew she had enjoyed planning the wedding she was in her element; she had found just the dress she wanted, although she would not let me see it until the actual day due to the tradition thing.

I left her the day before and went home to my parents, my mum was so happy for me she knew that it was Laura that I had always wanted. I know my Dad was just as pleased for me although he would never admit it. They had accepted that Laura was not well and that our time together would be limited. It was then my dad really came into his own the support he gave me was tremendous, we sat outside that evening with a beer. I never really talked to my dad before that night but he showed what a truly great man he was and I would be forever grateful.

I arrived at the registry office early I could not sleep I was so looking forward to making Laura my wife, dreams come true and this was our time. I paced up and down outside the office until we saw the brides car coming into view. We then made our way into the registry office I did actually see Laura before I stepped inside and she smiled. I stood there at front waiting for her to arrive, I heard a little noise behind me and then the silence, I could feel eyes boring into me as I turned to see Laura's dad walking toward, he reached me "She's gone, I'm sorry" he said as tears fell from his eyes. I left the registry office and headed outside to the bridal car and there she was, so beautiful and gone forever.

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