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Date Posted: 17:34:08 09/22/02 Sun
Author: Insanity
Subject: Re: Another LQ, this time for LOTR!
In reply to: Chiad 's message, "Re: Another LQ, this time for LOTR!" on 14:13:17 09/22/02 Sun

's alright. ^^



Another Short
By Insanity

Disclaimer: Most dialogue taken directly from chapter seven, pages 170-71 of 'The Two Towers'. I disclaim everything in this story, and trust that no one is so bitter or so desperately in need of money that they would want to sue me. This is all done in good fun.



At last Aragorn stood above the great gates, heedless of the darts of the enemy that whistled through the air around him and smote the rocks beneath his chest. As he looked forth he saw the eastern sky grow pale. Then he raised his empty hand, palm outstretched, in a token of parley.

The Mary-Sues squealed. "He's so ruggedly manly, isn't he?" some cried. The rest paid them little heed, and instead, yelled and jeered. "Come down! Come down!" they cried. "If you wish to speak with us, come down! Bring out the Elf! We are the Warrior Mary-Sues! We will fetch him from his hiding-spot, if he does not come. Bring out that adorable Elf!"

"The Prince of Mirkwood stays or comes at his own will," said Aragorn.

A few Mary-Sues swooned dead away at the sight of Aragorn’s rugged manliness and the sound of his voice. But most were resolute. "Then what are you doing here?" they answered. Why do you look out? Do you wish to see the multi-colors of our army? We are the Warrior Mary-Sues."

"I look out to see the dawn," said Aragorn.

"What of the dawn?" they peered. "We are the Warrior Mary-Sues: the Sun merely compliments our beauty. We do not stop the fight for night or day: the stars accent our mystique, and the sun can do not but softly compliment our perfect features! We stop the fight for storm alone: Rain is icky. But other than that, we come to seduce, by sun or moon. What of the dawn?"

"None knows what the new day shall bring him, or her, as the case may be," said Aragorn. "Get you gone, ere it turn to your evil."

"Get down or we will blind you with our auras," they cried. "This is no p...par...truce. You have nothing to say."

"I still have this to say," answered Aragorn. "No enemy has yet taken the Hornburg. Depart, or not one of you will be spared. Not one will be left alive to taken tidings to whence you came. You do not know your peril."

So great a power and royalty and ruggedly manliness was revealed in Aragorn, as he stood there alone above the ruined gates before the host of his enemies, that many of the Éomer and Aragorn 'Sues paused, and looked in many directions, and some looked doubtfully at the sky. But the Legolas Mary-Sues laughed with deceptively-melodious voices; and a hail of darts and arrows whistled over the wall, as Aragorn leapt down.

"What do they say?” Legolas asked Aragorn, as the Man leapt from the wall.

“It is not fair news, my friend.”

“Then I am?…”

“Yes. As the enemy would say, I fear that you are ‘screwed’, Master Elf.”



Please excuse all OOC-ness in this strange little satire.
-_- I was bored. Gimme a break.

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