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| Subject: Bitter Feelings Gave Me the Ability To Write | |
Author: Angela McCarver | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 10:53:31 12/05/02 Thu When mom and dad were together Things were full of peace With special birthday presents Coming for my brothers and me A father with intuition Was very nice indeed To us he was a father My siblings also agreed Mom started doing drugs Arguing started to rise When separation came into the picture My siblings and I cried But father still managed To see his adorable kids After too long We haven't seen him Because my mother chose to forbid Decided to choose another boyfriend Refusing to mention his name What this pedophilic bun of a sich Done was a shame Disrespects my mother And breaking expensive things Fear entered the our household Due to his unpredictable mood swings Got fired from a dumpy restaurant Mom was still employed When she works during the night My first thought was 'Oh Boy' 3:00 am the man would beat us while he could For not drinking liquor That didn't taste too good Enjoys hitting my brother Knowing that it will hurt This household was so flip side That things started to get worse Breaking every regulations When it is not his house Goes to jail for one day Come back home deciding to act out In October '91 On a cold Tuesday night I came home from Bible Study Having a premonition That something is not right Knocked on the door 4 times at least He said, "You don't live here" So I involved the police They came to the rescue By busting down the door And after that we did not see that so and so anymore We were turned to DFS custody As sorry as they are My older brother in group homes Living way too far Bouncing from foster home to the next Was not all that fun Betrayal took place all these years Asking myself, "Why do I have to be the one?" Excluded out of enjoyment Has taken over my life That my only alternative Which no one can take away from me is the expertise to write. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: Bitter Feelings Gave Me the Ability To Write | |
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Author: mark blain [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 19:12:27 02/12/04 Thu i was invited to this site by a freind (Ted Watkins) he wanted to know my opion on some of the work, one being your piece. if you dont mind, i have a couple thoughts on this poem... 1. congrats you are one of the few who can write more then 3 STANZA'S!!! why do people feel the need to stop after filling half a page? 2. you keep a constant ryhme scheme for most of the poem, that is always good, a lot of people stopped doing that too, grrrr...but you did a good job! 3. one phrase that comes up every time some one post a poem like this at Teds site (voypoet.hopto.org, i will plug it if ted doesnt!) is how sad it is that it takes a hell to bring out heaven in us. we go threw hell but when we put it in paper, others see a heaven in it...and this is a heavenly piece of lit. not the body obvivously, it is dpressing, but the scheme, word usage, patterns, they are all there, and diverse. some even reaccuring...awesome stuff. well i am sure ted will follow up and corect my, he never lets me represent him with out him protecting his honor (if there such a thing) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: Bitter Feelings Gave Me the Ability To Write | |
|
Author: mark blain [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 19:13:32 02/12/04 Thu i was invited to this site by a freind (Ted Watkins) he wanted to know my opion on some of the work, one being your piece. if you dont mind, i have a couple thoughts on this poem... 1. congrats you are one of the few who can write more then 3 STANZA'S!!! why do people feel the need to stop after filling half a page? 2. you keep a constant ryhme scheme for most of the poem, that is always good, a lot of people stopped doing that too, grrrr...but you did a good job! 3. one phrase that comes up every time some one post a poem like this at Teds site (voypoet.hopto.org, i will plug it if ted doesnt!) is how sad it is that it takes a hell to bring out heaven in us. we go threw hell but when we put it in paper, others see a heaven in it...and this is a heavenly piece of lit. not the body obvivously, it is dpressing, but the scheme, word usage, patterns, they are all there, and diverse. some even reaccuring...awesome stuff. well i am sure ted will follow up and corect my, he never lets me represent him with out him protecting his honor (if there such a thing) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |