we are the proof -- Creative Rhymes

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3] ]

Subject: we are the proof

Author:
ted watkins

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 17:16:25 02/12/04 Thu

first off, it is good to see a firmilar name...Bob Gotti, i believe i have read some of you work before, perhaps at Judy's site. After i finsih this post, i am going to read what youve posted here...this is something i am working on for a poetry slam, my band is playing and i am writing this song just for them, and of course i will read some too...

we are the proof
by ted watkins

we are the proof (3x)
that there is hope for the youth!

reaching for hope,
hoping for peace.
are we at the end of the rope?
or do we just need to reach?
reach for the moon.
we are the stars
why stop to swoon
when the world can be ours?

we are the proof (3x)
that there is hope for the youth

ive heard you cry
i've seen you fall
i'll ask you why
WE can do it all
with unity, not uniformity
we can raise the bar
why settle for normality
when they dont know who we are?

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: we are the proof

Author:
mark blain
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:27:13 02/12/04 Thu

yes, indeed we have read a litle bob gotti before havent we, that is what i like about you ted, not your poetry, but the fact that you can find talent. i just critic it and that is what i am going to do to you (i know i can harsh with you!!!)

1. i am telling on you! you finally forgot to mention who you made the refrence to...You said "reaching for hope, hoping for peace"....sounds firmliar...almost like...every new day by Reese Reeds from five iron frenzy...

"man vs. himself
man vs machine
man vs the world
mankind vs me
the burdens go on
the wisdom i lack,
the troubles keep pilling
up on my back
reaching for hope
and hoping for peace
dear god increase!"

tsk tsk tsk ted! for those who dont know Ted, he is forgetful, not a thief, i am sure it just slipped his mind and he would have told you where he got the inspiration from.

2. ted, why isnt this posted at your site (still voypoet.hopto.org) you havent posted there in a week so why should you give it away here? (no offense, to the board, it just makes no sense that he wouldnt take care of his own board first)

3. "why stop to swoon"...Ted, that is a bad line, i dont like it...change it...in the name of all the is good and right in this world, change it!

4. twice in the same poem you use the same ryhme...
"we are the stars
why stop to swoon
when the world can be ours?"

"we can raise the bar
why settle for normality
when they dont know who we are?"

stars ours bar are? i know you to be bad about recycling in defrent poems, but this one is very...repitious (i tried to avoid using the word, i know how much that hurts you, but it is true in this poem)

5. one more thing about reese reed that you probally should have said, he relased a cd titled "proof that the youth are revolting" ted, get on the ball or get sued!