Re: we are the proof -- Creative Rhymes

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Subject: Re: we are the proof

Author:
mark blain

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Date Posted: 19:27:13 02/12/04 Thu
In reply to: ted watkins 's message, "we are the proof" on 17:16:25 02/12/04 Thu

yes, indeed we have read a litle bob gotti before havent we, that is what i like about you ted, not your poetry, but the fact that you can find talent. i just critic it and that is what i am going to do to you (i know i can harsh with you!!!)

1. i am telling on you! you finally forgot to mention who you made the refrence to...You said "reaching for hope, hoping for peace"....sounds firmliar...almost like...every new day by Reese Reeds from five iron frenzy...

"man vs. himself
man vs machine
man vs the world
mankind vs me
the burdens go on
the wisdom i lack,
the troubles keep pilling
up on my back
reaching for hope
and hoping for peace
dear god increase!"

tsk tsk tsk ted! for those who dont know Ted, he is forgetful, not a thief, i am sure it just slipped his mind and he would have told you where he got the inspiration from.

2. ted, why isnt this posted at your site (still voypoet.hopto.org) you havent posted there in a week so why should you give it away here? (no offense, to the board, it just makes no sense that he wouldnt take care of his own board first)

3. "why stop to swoon"...Ted, that is a bad line, i dont like it...change it...in the name of all the is good and right in this world, change it!

4. twice in the same poem you use the same ryhme...
"we are the stars
why stop to swoon
when the world can be ours?"

"we can raise the bar
why settle for normality
when they dont know who we are?"

stars ours bar are? i know you to be bad about recycling in defrent poems, but this one is very...repitious (i tried to avoid using the word, i know how much that hurts you, but it is true in this poem)

5. one more thing about reese reed that you probally should have said, he relased a cd titled "proof that the youth are revolting" ted, get on the ball or get sued!

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