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Date Posted: 18:17:32 10/04/02 Fri
Author: Jay
Subject: 
Weekends
It bothers me less and less. I think I'm getting used to it.
Every weekend it is the same. My lady friend ignors me, and
does other things. Not even a phone call. Months go by.
During the week she phones me, to say trite nothing and
tie me up with long, pregnant lapses in the conversation.
This got worse and worse, until a month ago I went into
alcoholic relapse and began drinking vodka again. So, off
I went to detox and rehab, again. I know I would have done
better and not relapsed if I'd had a little loving support.
But, anymore? I don't expect any loving support. It's become
a joke. I hang with myself, giving myself the self-love I
need. I surf the net (as usual), but more than anything
I try to keep myself focused on my own worth, despite what
others think of me, despite the way I'm taken for granted,
ignored, or thrown out as so much human garbage. I'm
reading more Bible scrpture, not drinking, have quit
smoking, have been eating better, sleeping better, and
have begun working out. In other words, I'm self-directed
now. A lot could backfire on those who claim to be my
friends but completely ignore or vilify me. They say what
goes around comes around. In any event, I worry less and
less about it all the time. I'm concerned with my own
happiness, from God, and from within. Not from these others
who inevitably short-change me. Thanks for reading. I'm
new to this forum. I'll bookmark it, I guess.
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Re: Weekends -- Jay, 20:48:59 10/04/02 Fri
What I can do during a lonely weekend is work
a bit on my html. Also, and this is important, I want
others here to know that I am checking in fairly
frequently to be available to read and be an eye for
people's gripes. I've suffered a lot from loneliness,
depression, drug and alcohol abuse, the inability to "get"
religion, being a family black sheep, you name it. Oh,
and always being short o'money. So chances
are I'll know with a sympathetic heart where you're
coming from. No judgements upon you.
All best,
Jay,
suburban Philadelphia
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[> [>
Re: Weekends -- Jay, 09:52:19 10/06/02 Sun
Hello, all:
Other things I Can do on weekends are to
attend a Saturday night prayer and Bible group at a friend's
home, and go to church services on Sunday.
Oh, and I found out a bit more about my lady friend.
She never out and says what she's up to, but I get little
bits and pieces from her by prying ever so slightly. She's
been going to shows in Atlantic City, New Jersey, on the
weekends. Well, when she phoned here I brought up the cost
of the tickets for these shows. For instance, she'd seen
Paul McCartney, and that's got to be expensive. Anyway,
I learned that she gets tickets from this guy who is a
ticket agent. So, I am thinking, like, ahhhh, okay...
See, she tells me on the one hand that I'm special to her,
yah-day-yah, and so forth. But about all I have right now
to Give her is myself. I can play tennis with
her, go on walks with her, spend quiet time together with
her and hold hands and nice little things like that.
Now these are the things that I, like Thought
a relationship is about. But, hey, I'm frequently wrong
about things. I often figure things in ways that aren't
the ways things happen in the real world. Now, if I were
the ticket agent guy, I'd be In, right?
Hehehehe. See, this is why I'm not really into caring.
Sure, I feel pain, and on a daily basis over stuff like
this. My life has been this. Being alone. It hurts.
And I'm tired of fighting this, or letting it win, and
getting me to go off drinking, and hurting myself over
what others are doing, or not doing, to me, or with me.
Well, that's my installment for today. Hope others will
come in here and share some of their own ideas.
See ya,
Jay
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[> [> [>
Re: Weekends -- Zohaib Butt, 01:41:42 08/31/03 Sun
this is me there for u......dont u worry ahan :) get happy
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