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Date Posted: 17:41:27 10/11/02 Fri
Author: Jay
Subject: Weekend


Hello, again:

Friday, October 11, 2002. In other words, the dreaded weekend.
The depression over being alone every weekend is getting worse.
I am praying, exercising, trying everything I can to survive
this. The mental pain has lately been certainly psychic, i.e.,
emotions and feelings, but, now also, affecting my head, as if
it is aching alot. I notice that I am dizzy a lot. I go for a
walk and I am dizzy. Some of this might be that I have quit
smoking, now 16 days ago.

I have been trying to reach a friend whom I used to see.
However, I am getting an answering machine each time I phone.
I feel as though I am in much, too much pain. This should not be.
Was anyone meant to feel unnecessary pain like this? I am entirely
unsure of how I am going to be able to handle this. I feel on a
very dangerous edge of maybe relapsing into drinking, which would
put me into the hospital, again. I can't have that. I feel like
throwing in the towel and smoking, but, there again, I know that
is not any solution.

jay
jay.maass@verizon.net


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