Chapter six -- Witchblade Karma

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Date Posted: 02:14:10 05/21/02 Tue
Author: Spin
Subject: Chapter six
In reply to: Spin 's message, "Through her eyes : Sequel to 'Through my eyes'" on 01:53:08 05/21/02 Tue

I gaze out the window, staring at my own reflection. Danny had been right, I was afraid to let Nottingham in. I had lost so much already; I wasn�t ready to lose someone else. Especially some one like Ian Nottingham. He was the one solid thing left in my life. But if what Danny said was true, that the Witchblade had given me a glimpse of a possible future then I would lose him any way. How could I stop that from happening? The thought of his death ran through my mind. I hug myself a little tighter against the chill that ran down my spine.

�Are you cold, Lady Sara?� I felt the heavy coat being placed around my shoulders.

He was right behind me, I could see his face reflected on the window. I stared intently at his reflection, hoping to catch his attention. To my disappointment he had averted his eyes. He was still behind me, but from what I could tell he had returned to his submissive posture.

The coat had engulfed me completely, wrapping me in a sense of security. It still felt warm after he had been wearing it, I close my eyes pulling the coat tighter around me, and inadvertently I inhale and ravel in his unique scent. To my surprise I opened my eyes to see him watching me through the reflection. His eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights of an up coming car when he noticed that I had been watching him. Just as quickly he bowed his head.

�I love you�in unguarded moments� and just how many unguarded moments was there Nottingham?

I stare at him for a moment, frightened out of mind because I realize then just how much I could love him. I was terrified more thinking that even with this chance I had already lost him. What if he doesn�t love me any more? What if my rejection was the last straw and he hated me now?

So many �What ifs� ran through my mind but it wasn�t the question I should be asking myself.

�Do I love him, yes or no?�

I had to stop over analyzing the situation; I had to stop seeing Ian Nottingham through a cop�s eyes and start seeing him through my eyes.

I opened my mouth but the words were stuck in my throat. This wasn�t going to be easy for me but I was determined to get my feelings out in the open. The blade began to glow on my arm; if I didn�t know any better I would have sworn the blade was trying to give me some support. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes, rush of emotions surged through my body: apprehension, confusion, fear, pain, sympathy, and love.

�I�m sorry, Nottingham. My actions towards you were��

�Well deserved, Lady Sara� I opened my eyes to stare at him.

�No, Nottingham they weren�t.�

�Yes, they were. I gave you no worthy reason to trust me. I refuse to help you when needed most; I serve the one man you despise greatly. I am the impediment of everything you stand against.�

Damn it! Was this him talking or Irons? Did he really think of himself that way? What the hell did Irons do to him? What the hell did I do to him? He looked up from his still bowed head. Though the moonlight was the only light that illuminated my apartment, I could still see the intensity of his dark eyes. Which mirrored every thing I felt.

�Like you said, Sara. I�m a freak.�

I lowered my head in shame. He threw my words right back at me. It was a harsh slap to the face, I knew then what he must have felt when I callously called him that. I couldn�t speak; I just stood there with my head bowed.

�I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Lady Sara, I�m sorry. I should leave.�

I could hear the rustling sound of his clothes and his heavy footsteps. He made no attempt to take his coat; instead he walked around me and headed for the window. That same eerie feeling I had earlier had crept up on me. The blade sharply hissed on my arm, flashing an image of his limp body. I knew then that if I let him walk away now that possible future I dreaded would come true.

�Did I hurt you that bad, Ian?�

Though I couldn�t see what he was doing behind me I knew what I said was enough to stop him from leaving. He didn�t speak for a while; he was probably confused from my aberrant question. He sighed and whispered his answer.

�Yes�

Blinking at the tears, I shut my eyes tightly. The tears I couldn�t shed in my dream were now rolling freely down my face. I could feel the tightness of my chest and the empty feeling growing inside. I probably caused more pain with my words then Irons had with his punishments. How could the man possibly love me now?

�I don�t want your sympathy, Sara. I don�t deserve such deliberation from you.�

I turn to look at him. His strong frame slumped, arms lying at his sides and head is bowed in anguish. I slipped off his coat and tossed it on the floor out of frustration. He still felt inferior to me and I still felt he couldn�t love me again. May be it was time we both convinced ourselves that we deserved more then this.

It was now or never. I took those last few steps forward, stopping just in front of him. I reach out placing the loose locks of hair that had always seemed to escape from his queue. He tensed under my touch, but to my satisfaction he made no attempt to leave. I let my fingers run along his temple, then down his cheek. He leaned into my hand, feeling the softness of his beard under my palm. I cupped his chin, gently tugging, wanting him to look at me.

�Look at me Ian.�

Finally his soft hazel eyes met mine and we remained lock in each other�s gaze. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes. Eyes that was now full of hope and disbelief. I�m sure I reflected the same in mine. We still had doubts, but that could be easily mended.

�You�re right Ian, you don�t deserve my deliberation�� I seen the hope dwindles in his eyes, and I felt him pulling away. I had to hold back the tears, the realization that what I thought of him really mattered.

��You deserve much more than that�.� I take a deep breath, framing his face in my hands; I look deeply into the dark pools of his eyes. ��You deserve my love.�

Nothing about his features had changed. He reaches up, takes my hands in his, pulling them down from his face. Once again he lowers his head. Shocked at his action, I remain frozen. Terrified I shut my eyes, steeling myself for his rejection, the tears flowing down my face. It felt like time stopped as I wait for him to speak.

�Had I already been too late?�

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Chapter seven -- Spin, 02:15:43 05/21/02 Tue