Wait...Wait....Wait, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!! -- The Movie Board

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Subject: Wait...Wait....Wait, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Author:
Mr. Bungle

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Date Posted: 05:05:12 01/22/08 Tue
Author Host/IP: c-71-197-21-7.hsd1.mi.comcast.net/71.197.21.7
In reply to: Mr. Bungle 's message, "Re: Smokin' Aces" on 04:50:08 01/22/08 Tue

Hey Jimbles, here's my review--a few months later--from POD. I know you've been watching the shit out of it; let me know what you think of what I thought.

Cult films rarely create themselves anymore. They already have an audience. And if you are a member, then Tenacious D: In The Pick of Destiny might become as beholden to you as Rocky Horror is to drag queens, and people who like to throw rice and squirt spray bottles at each other at midnight screenings. Or just in general.
For the record, my D-Love goes back, thus I find it impossible to review this movie objectively. If I could review it objectively, I would have to give a fairly lukewarm review. Minimal plot, combined with episodic skits that seem sometimes padded out to get this flick to 90 minutes, directed haltingly by Liam Lynch, from a story that sometimes makes zero sense. But it was imaginative and often funny. It would have been ninety minutes of forgettable fun with a couple of good tunes.
But Tenacious D occupies a special place in the burnt out shell of my soul. They are an entity only America could have produced; they are a testament that the skinny straight man to the fat funny guy comedic formula can, in fact, be expanded to two fat guys, they are this generations Cheech and Chong but funnier, they are a cultural tent pole that segregates guys like me from 90 percent of polite (some might say "grown up") society, and they are the greatest band in the fucking world. Period.
I may pepper criticisms in this thing but they don't matter. This flick gets 10 out of 10, so if you want to skip the rest of this and just go buy this movie, get fucked up on any (or all) substances, and be tortured for weeks because you can't get Master Exploder out of your head for five fucking seconds at a time, then feel free to move on. I will understand.
The Flick
JB (Jack Black, playing Jack Black as JB) is a downtrodden kid with a guitar and a dream of creating the greatest rock band in the world. He lives in Kickapoo, Missouri with his ultra religious family, headed evangelically by his father Meat Loaf (no shit). When JB starts ripping out songs about fuckalizing dragons and fucking back the fuckers while sucking choads in the party zone, Meat Loaf beats his ass, tears down all his sweet rock god posters telling him his brother is 10 times better, and that Jables will most certainly burn in Hell.
Fortunately, when the door slams shut, the Ronnie James Dio poster on the back comes to life and tells JB to find the land of Hollywood, where he will form a strong alliance and the world's most awesome band. So JB splits for Hollywood. Roughly twenty years later, he gets there.

A chance meeting on the beachfront with a guitarist named Kyle Gass (played somewhat surprisingly by Kyle Gass), makes apparent the providence of itself when JB starts ripping the sweet vocals over every classical composition Kyle can belt out, without missing a beat. But Kyle is keen on staying solo (despite complete indifference from the universe) and shines off JB, who is already heartbroken and alone. But a chance encounter with a terrible movie homage bonds them, and Kyle begins to teach JB the elements of rocking.
But a shocking event equals them out, and instead of being a side kick to the Kyle Gass Project, JB and Kage form Tenacious D (the origin of the name made me smile till my head fell off, I never knew) and immediately hit the club scene. They are told they need more material if they want to win the open mic prize, so they attempt to write a masterpiece and find out that shit ain't easy. But they discover that all the great rock gods' guitar players had the same pick.
The Pick of Destiny.
So, of course, they must steal it.
I'm not going to lie. A little love of Tenacious D helps when watching this. It will allow you to forgive some cheesy lines, a script that sometimes ignores itself and that has plot holes from Arizona, choppy fucking direction, and one more cameo from Ben Stiller playing a character with weird hair. But even if you walked into this sight unseen I'd have a hard time believing a newbie wouldn't be charmed by the relentlessly good natured tone of the film. Kage and JB are a couple of retards anyone could root for. And it is funny, which is the only requirement I have of any comedy.
That said, to someone like me this flick came out a few years too late. Jack Black has oversaturated his act now, and it makes the character of JB less fresh, even if you haven't seen Black this maniacal in anything before. What really makes it the obsession I thought I'd defeated years ago are the new songs. I warn you. They get stuck in your head. The only way I know to get them out is to learn how to play them. This soundtrack disc gets played at least twice a day in my house. It's the wellspring from which I flow. It is the epitome of rock 'tardom. It blisters assholes. And when it's time to blow doors down, doors get blown down.
So, yeah, despite it's flaws Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny, is the greatest movie ever fucking made.
The Video
Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny melts faces with a Rocket-Sauce 1:85:1 transfer that preserves the original aspect ratio that almost no one saw in theatres. Colors are bright (brighter for me) and the picture sharp (sometimes not as much for me) and I have no complaints, except that it isn't in 3-D Sense-O-Vision yet. When the fuck are we getting Sense-O-vision?!

The Sound
Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny cums in your ear pussies with a cochlear-crushing DTS 6.1 track that will leave lesser sound systems emitting black smoke. This soundtrack is fueled by Satan. There's also a Dolby Digital track for pussies, and a two-channel track for people who obviously don't give a shit that sound is fifty percent of the movie experience. I pity you.
The Extras
As expected, Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny has the best special features of any DVD ever produced. Each one is a vibrator pleasuring all six of your sense holes. Taken all together I doubt anyone could survive, and if they do, they need to propagate because they have the genetic structure that it takes to insure human evolution moves to the next level.
First off are the deleted and extended scenes. There's some true gold here, weather it's the extended version of JB ordering carrot juice, or the deleted Dave Koechner sequence where The D busts out The Government Totally Sucks to score some free walkie talkies (which would have helped to explain how they got the walkie talkies, but hey I'm not the genius here). There's also an alternate ending that I didn't pay attention to because this movie already ends perfectly.
Feature commentary with The D? Yes, please. Frankly I can think of no better way to spend a week then listening to these two talk about themselves. Maybe I'll figure out, someday, how they tap the source. If I was a Make-A-Wish Foundation cancer boy, my wish would be to have Kage and JB reassuring me of how much fun Sasquatch and I will have in the afterlife, while 13 Satan-endorsed, elf women (on coke) blow me at once.
There's a feature commentary from director Lynch (not the genius one) that makes clear he was as much a vessel for The D's greatness as Mary was for Christ. Disposable. Then there is a sweet making-of documentary, and the "In the Studio" feature that will make you realize 99 percent of humanity will never do for you what Tenacious D will. Add the trailers, the superlative music video, "jump to a song", and the best nut you ever busted pales in comparison. Fueled by Satan.
Seriously. Beware this film. It will eat your soul and shit it in your mouth.
10 out of 10

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
I'M THE DEVIL I CAN DO WHAT I WANT; WHATEVER I'VE GOT I'M GONNA FLAUNT	Jimmy	05:35:33 01/22/08 Tue
READ THIS RESPONSE (the above post is glued together--FUCKING P.C.) -- Jimmy, 05:46:39 01/22/08 Tue