The president of the United States is expected to hold a news conference during prime time where it is expected that his administration will take full credit for the capture of THE DUCK!
He is also expected to explain to the citizens of this country how the Federal Government can afford to spend 800 billion dollars for one duck hunt and still afford to return to 89% of his trillion dollar tax cut to the 5% of the richest taxpayers. Apparently he will demonstrate how with a simple pencil and a big eraser he can cover the whole dang duck hunt out of the Social Security Trust fund and according to dubya "heck it weren't gonna be solvent in a few decades anyway".
Late this afternoon immediately after the President was notified of THE DUCKS capture he took a few moments to show off the new Airforce 000 to reporters "my new heliocopter it even has nukes and its painted a purty blue". The president then boarded and flew to the secret internment site where THE DUCK was being held incommunicado, without the benefit of legal counsel and at the time no charges filed.
According to another anonymous source dubya errr the President attempted to pluck a Pink Feather as a souvenir but THE DUCK in an act of self preservation bit dubya's hand at which time the Secret Service immediately fired 4,895 shots trying to protect the President. Fortunately the only injury that occurred was the Vice President took one in the chest but survived as the round bounced off of one of his pacemakers. In the excitement THE DUCK apparently got ill and threw up on dubya's errrr The Presidents new cowboy boots. The president was overheard saying "hell with the constitution I'm gonna fricassee that DAMNED DUCK.
Fortunately both the majority and minority leaders of the House and Senate got down on their knees and proceeded to polish dubya errr yea what the hell 'dubya's' boots. Staff members from the offices of the Representatives and Senators stated after a
request to remain anonymous that the senators and congressmen felt it was necessary to polish dubya's boots in order to calm him down after he threatened to nuke every duck on the planet and if that meant taking out every city on the planet that was harboring ducks SO BE IT! The president stated that as far as he was concerned and therefore the policy of the United States would be "if de be harboring terrorist ducks then dey be fair game fer my nucliar armed aeroplanes". The republican congressmen resisted joining their Democratic peers in polishing dubya's boots until they realized that he MEANT ANY CITY THAT HARBORED DUCKS - he did not exclude cities within the United States.
UPDATE !! This reporter has just been informed by the ACLU which immediately on notification of THE DUCKS arrest took the case pro bono to the Supreme Court and achieved the impossible. The court issued an order of habeas duckus and ordered the Attorney (the only bar he belongs to is on main st.) General of the United States to Charge THE DUCK or release him immediately.
THE DUCK was netted and taken to the Federal District Court in Washington and charged with the regurgitation of verbose prose. THE DUCK on the advice of his attorneys and realizing that over 5000 fighter ducks were flying overhead 'just in case' entered a PLEA OF NO CONTEST TO THE CHARGE OF "REGURGITATING VERBOSITY". The Judge fined THE DUCK $25.00.
THE DUCK'S FINE was paid by a carrot chewing bunny rabbit, who was constantly referring to THE DUCK as DOC. THE DUCK was last seen flapping his wings and heading West followed by a couple of dozen very healthy looking young male ducks. Some thought they heard him quacking something that sounded similar to THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!
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