Subject:  Cyber Sex – Is it Cheating? |
Author:
Debbie
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Date Posted: 16:00:32 02/12/03 Wed
In reply to:
Admin
's message, "General Chat" on 21:25:48 08/01/02 Thu
Is cyber sex cheating? Yes and no. Well, maybe. It depends.
This is a controversial question. The conclusion many have come up with so far, is that there is no true answer. Many have said it depends on the situation and how each couple defines "cheating," that “cheating” is in the mind of the individual couple.
Rules of Thumb to consider:
- Are you doing something you wouldn't want your partner to know about?
- Are you keeping your cyber lover a secret?
- Are you engaging in an activity you would hesitate to do in front of your real-life beloved?
Generally speaking, if any of these apply, the action could either be considered cheating or at the very least, damaging to your relationship. If you don't want your partner to know about your online attractions, then you should rethink your actions.
In effect, your real-life mate is the deciding factor. Ask yourself, “What perspective does my partner have about cyber sex?” If he or she feels betrayed, then there's the answer.
Several red flags to consider:
- Is there an emotional attachment to your cyber "friend?"
- Do you look forward to "speaking" with this person?
- Is your online relationship taking time away from your beloved?
If any of these apply, you may want to analyze your true intentions. Ask yourself, “Is this cyber communication a replacement for what I feel I am missing from my real partner?” Many cyber sex participants have admitted to participating in this activity because their sex life has fallen short of their expectations. If your cyber relationship is taking time away from your beloved, it’s time to decide, who is your priority.
Some believe it’s cheating: Many proclaiming cyber sex as the new cheating method, have provided reasons to support their opinions. They describe the fundamental difference between cyber sex and pornography is that there is little chance that the fantasizing person may actually meet one of the pin-up models. Conversely, cyber sex involves two people having a real-life conversations; there is an actual person on the other end of the computer line. Emotional bonds are easily created after sharing this type of experience with someone and thereby the person at the other end of the computer line, becomes even more human.
Many say that this new-found connection can be damaging to your real life relationship. Many of the non-participating partners have felt betrayed, belittled, less desirable, unattractive, and even replaced when their partner engaged in cyber sex. Some have said, "It hurts when the spouse will go to such lengths instead of making love with the one they are married to."
To some, cyber sex creates the same feeling of emotional betrayal that physical cheating does. Many people also believe that if he/she truly loves and respects you, then they won't consider fantasizing about others, claiming that fantasies are healthy if left just as fantasies.
Still, some take the black-and-white approach by claiming that, "Cheating can't be done with the body, only the heart."
Some do not believe it’s cheating at all:
There are many defenses for cyber sex. Many believe that this practice is no different than looking at pornography. In fact, some have said that the more jealous his/her partner becomes of the activity, the more likely he/she will be pushed away by them. Similarly, some said that if there is existing trust and support in their real-life relationship, then no reason exists for them to follow through with actual act of intercourse.
To numerous people, cyber sex is literally a safe way to relieve sexual tension when his/her partner is not present and it is just a fantasy. Many maintain that they would never carry out the imaginative stories they concoct online. Plus, they claim, that cyber sex can benefit the non-participating partner too, wherein they sometimes become so aroused from the cyber sex that their real-life partner receives the heavenly fruit of their labor.
My opinion: If you're going to participate in cyber sex, create guidelines with your partner first. How does he/she feel about this practice? What are your intentions? If you are trying to fill a void in your relationship, discuss it with one another first! Communication! Communication! Communication!
Whatever you do, set explicit guidelines and know your priorities. Proceed with caution … gray areas, such as cyber sex, can prove to be dangerously slippery slopes.
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