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Date Posted: 03:19:28 02/03/03 Mon
Author: Curtis Mayhem
Subject: Air Time.

High above the city of Japan, the Fuji Film blimp is skying above, slowly dancing through the clouds. Two camera crews are set up in the world famous blimp. One of them for the NHK network, overlooking Korakuen Hall as inside, two local teams are facing off in a pre season baseball matchup. The second camera crew, working for the CWF, is set up and is scanning the city of Japan, looking out across it's many skyscrapers and luscious vegetation that grows on the outskirts of the downtown area.

Woooo, now this is a cool city. There's gotta be like fifty thousand people just on that one block alone!

Staring out the window of the blimp is Curtis Mayhem, taking in all there is to see, and enjoying every bit of it. Ya got a huge clusterf*ck of buildings right there, and like two blocks away ya got a huge park with some wicked lookin trees. Dude, this is sweet!

As Curtis peers out the window in sheer amazement, the man standing next to him, CWF reporter George Redding, tries to attain Curtis's attention toward their camera for an interview. Redding asks cautiously, Hey, Curtis? Since you invited us up here, would you mind doing an interview? You do know that Hysteria had a few more comments about the match, don't you?

With his back turned, the chuckle can still be heard from Curtis. Yeah, he begins, I heard what "Mr. Talk Show" had to say. Can't say that I'm impressed, but I heard what he said.

As Curtis spins around, his golden colored hair shines against the sun, making it seem as if it's glowing with brilliance. Hey, it's cool that the guy has his own little time slot on HBO, but I doubt the Neilson's are gonna rate him higher than my fave, The Sopranos. Redding nods, smiling ever so slightly. But at any rate, it must be kinda tough to host, manage, run, direct, and air a TV show on network cable while ya have a big three way dance lined up in yer real line of work. Hey, maybe Hysteria's gonna give up the wrestling gig and be full time on TV, I don't know. But if I were him, I wouldn't waste time and money on somethin that has about as much promise as Chevy Chase's talk show.

The CWF crew gets a good laugh out of the joke as Curtis cracks his knuckles as if he was saying "I haven't even started yet."

He seemed a little too steamed about his set fallin apart on him, didn't he? Redding nods. You'd think that he'd be a little bit more upset about me and my cheap joke about pseudonyms. But if he's gonna put all of his focus on his precious HBO time slot, fine.

Curtis notices that one of his bandanas is coming loose, so he delicately begins to refasten it to his wrist. With time to butt in, Redding digs up a question for our resident spotlight stealer.

Curtis, Redding begins, Hysteria made some rather interesting comments on his show. He kept mentioning the name Mike Manson a lot. And he also made a statement that said "Being on TV and having people taking your picture all the time isn't cool." Redding pauses. I know you'll have a comment for it, so I'll just say...reflect on all of that.

Indeed Curtis reflects on it all. A quick bursted laugh escapes his lungs as he throws his head back in laughter. First of all, it's funny that Hysteria made interesting comments. As far as Mike Manson goes...hey, I don't know the guy, I could care less. To me it just sounds like someone else wants to call them self "Eminem." What was that other thing he said?

Redding reaches back into his pocket and pulls out a small notepad. He looks over it briefly and then reads it off. Aha, here it is..."Being on TV and having people taking your picture all the time isn't cool, it's a pain in the ass."

Curtis stares at Redding wide eyed with disbelief. What in the blue hell is wrong with him?!?!? There is a long pause as Curtis shakes his head, trying to figure out Hysteria.

The man has difficulties being in the public eye. For him, I could sorta see that. If I looked like him, I'd prefer to be caged up and fed fish in a bucket. But how could anyone, with all of this around you, he says as he points out to the city of Tokyo, not want to be surrounded by cameras? Maybe it's me, I'm a glory hog, but cameras are as much of this sport as pain is. Catch 22. You get hit with a chair, it hurts, millions of people see it. I make it sound so easy, don't I?

Curtis smiles as places his hands across his chest, priding himself. If Hysteria wants to just hang up his boots and stay on HBO for the next six years, be my guest. He hates the cameras, he hates the pictures. Hey, no problem. If he doesn't want the spotlight, I'll gladly slide right underneath it. That way, the way I like it, all eyes are on me.

Now of course, the big drink of water that he is, Hysteria's gonna think he's got the match in the bag. He's been in the CWF longer than I have, he's more experienced, he kisses the bosses ass, his stocks went up three points. Hey, any excuse in the book won't stop me from whippin his ass from pillar to post. He's more worried about his new HBO talk show. What does that tell ya? One too many chair shots. The result? Excedrin headache #65.

The CWF crew shares another laugh as Redding regains his composure and sneaks in a rather odd question.

Ok, ok. It's obvious that you have no worries about Hysteria. What about Hitman?

What about Hitman? Curtis is quick to respond, making it clear that Hitman is also a non threat.

Ya see, it goes like this, Curtis starts, when ya have Hitman and Hysteria in a match, you can almost tell who's gonna win. I'd put my money down on Hysteria any day in that match. But then, spice it up a little. Add in a hot tempered, energetic "rookie" by the name of Mayhem. He's colorful, he's flamboyant, and women all around the world, including some men, would just love to run their tongue up and down his body. Some say that I'm a bit egotistical. Damnit, they're right! I'm not the kinda guy that sits around and acts like a mime, much like Hitman. I don't waste my time, and other people's time with useless crap, much like Hysteria. That's where I'm different. There's no doubt in my mind at all, Curtis continues as he grabs the microphone out of Redding's hands and stares into the camera.

No doubt in my mind that Hysteria's gonna have somethin to say about all of this. And there's no doubt in my mind that Hitman is lyin in the gutter somewhere jacked up like a prom dress in June...we won't hear from him in the next decade. Being as blunt as I can, I'll say this.

Curtis leans back against the wall of the blimp, relaxing as he stands. Hitman hasn't made a peep in weeks. No threat at all. Hysteria seems to be the guy to watch out for in this match. With that said, I'm willing to make Hysteria an offer.

I'm good at making guarantees, and making them stick. So, before I offer to be a guest on his smash hit talk show next week, I wanna make a guarantee that if HBO can't make him famous...I WILL!!!

And that my friends...is a guarantee.

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