| Subject: How I made it thru so far |
Author:
Shari
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Date Posted: 16:17:34 02/26/07 Mon
In reply to:
Susan
's message, "Re: Heather" on 12:31:32 02/26/07 Mon
I had no clue that my hubbie was into meth. He was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder which is a combination of schizofrania (sp?) and bipolar disorder. How much of this condition was actually meth, I don't know. But as soon as I found out that he was into meth to the point where he was shooting up in front of our then 15 1/2 month old, I made sure he went to prison in a state that is known for their drug rehabilitation instead of the state we live in. Mind you, he had already done something wrong because of meth in the state he got imprisoned in, so I just made sure he went to prison.
My first letters to him were telling him that I was sorry, but that it was the only way I knew how to keep our family together and that he would take advantage of the rehabilitation they had to offer. etc. etc. Once I did visit him, I told him face to face what I had done to make sure he went to prison.
In the meantime, I'm at home with a newborn, a 15 1/2 month old, and I was 1 month shy of being 44 dealing with these kids alone after having a c-section. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I read the Bible in a Year in five months....reading the bible when everything seemed hopeless seemed to bring things to a calm. I got active in a church that suited me, and I researched meth as much as I could along with almost living at this board while I wasn't with my children. I had two terrific friends in another state that would call me and let me complain all I wanted about what was happening...neither of them told me they were sick of hearing about it. Complaining to others helped me put things in perspective.
As I said earlier, I asked God what I was supposed to do. My time was running out when I hadn't heard the answer because I had to let the prison system he was in know whether or not he could come home...so I prayed harder and asked God for clearer signs as I must not have been getting the ones he was sending. Personally, I wanted to pack it in with my hubbie and move on with life...but the hardest part was making the decision for my boys to not have a father in their lives...My hubbie and I both are aware of the fact that if he wouldn't be here with us, he'd never make it and end right back up in the prison system till the day he died.
As I was getting ready for the visit to see my hubbie...the one where I'd either tell him it was over or what was expected of him to be able to come home, God started showing me the signs of what He wanted me to do. Boy was I ticked! I believe I actually screamed out "Nooooooooooooo!" when I realized I was supposed to give him one more chance.
So, when I visited him, I told him what was expected, and that it would be put into a contract, and if he wasn't willing to do it he couldn't come home. I also told him that if he broke the contract, there's the door...don't let it hit you in the butt on your way out with only the clothes on your back.
Now my hubbie had also been praying, and he was hearing God tell him that he would lose us if he didn't get it together....so....he started getting it together. As I stated in a post a long time ago, it was a change in his voice and his attitude that got me believing that he was on his way to recovery.
Before he came home, I had to forgive him. I had to do that anyway because the pain that I felt from everything he had done was taking over. When I forgave him, it was more for myself than it was for him. This is a very necessary step whether or not your addict remains with you or is out of your life.
So, now that he is home, he is actually being honest, being a terrific daddy, being a great husband, etc. We are both getting involved in the church. He is working through temp services since his background is the pits, and we are complying with the parole crap....
We are slowly moving forward, and he is doing a great job of being the man that he should be. Would I follow through with tossing him out if he started using again? IN A HEARTBEAT! I will not go through that again! But that isn't going to happen because I have faith in God and that God didn't put us through all of this just to have it not work out.
I thank God every day for bringing the boys' father back to them. I remind my husband every now and then that what he chooses not only affects him, but it affects the entire family.
Have you guys seen that commercial that says if you are convicted of a gun crime, your entire family does your sentence with you? NOT TRUE! If you are convicted of ANY crime, your entire family does the sentence with you....but your family has to support themselves and you along with doing that sentence...hence they have it worse than you do.
So....to make a long story short (too late), have faith in God, listen to Him, and live the way He intends for you to.
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