Subject:  its not a easy journey |
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Re Re (sad)
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Date Posted: 11:52:07 02/19/07 Mon
ive been a addicet to meth for yrs and although i have tried many times to quit it was a battle to hard for me to win so i gave up time after time,,i have ruined my family not only financialy but emotionaly to the point where i sometimes wonder if theres any hope left to repair the damage ive caused.the first time i tried meth is was just because i wanted to see how it felt..not long after that i wanted to do it again and agian,.i started out by snorting then moved on to smoking,,,,ice was the choice for me,,,i seen i was losing weight was withdrawn from family and friends,,,,would do nothing all day but get high and stay closed up in the house,not answering the door or the phone no matter who it may be,,,,my dad(who is getting older everyday is now 70yrs old) who i love dearly would come over day after day and i wouldnt even open the door to let him in,,,,i would watch him out the window and watch him walk off with his head down,,he knew i was home,my dad is a great dad he never let any of his kids do without anything ,,,his quote was "as long as we had love,the bills paid, and a roof over our head, and food on the table that we had it all" sure i use to look at it entirely different but i look at it now like dad does. anyways i could go on and on about how great my dad is but thats not what im writting about....the 21st i became a granmother to a wonderful baby boy,,,i always wanted a daughter since all i had was boys but that didnt matter when i laid my eyes on him,he was perfect,,,,,wouldnt trade him for a little girl no matter what,,,but i look at it like this,,,,,i say hes precious to me and he is,,,,God in heaven knows he is ,,,but the day he was born i was high,,,,,didnt give a thought of what if something bad happend to him and i would be high,,,i swore to myself then that i wouldnt get high ever again,,,,was going to get my life together and be better to himm than i was my own kids,,,,,,i started back attending my meetings,,,,,but everyday is a struggle,,,,,everday HELL,,,,i pray to God to give me the strength i need,,,but as theyve always said God helps those who helps themselves,,,,,and if i want God to help me be the grandmother i wanna be then i have to help myself,,,,EVERYONE WHO READS THIS PLZZZZ KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS,,,,i have much more to write but i need to get off here,,,,if you wanna know more then just ask ,,ill check in everyday and will answer all the questions i can,,,,thanks for taking the time to read this,,,
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