Re: A ray of hope -- METH HELP FOR FAMILIES

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Subject: Re: A ray of hope

Author:
Heather

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Date Posted: 12:48:21 10/03/06 Tue
In reply to: Shelly 's message, "Re: A ray of hope" on 21:10:30 10/02/06 Mon

WAY EASIER SAID THAN DONE.........sometimes you have to let go of the whole idea that he even exists..........it may help your daughter too. It worked for my son when I stopped showing that he 'got to me', my baby seemed fine. He has visits with him once a week now and so far so good. I have to tell you that today I feel sick over this. My final divorce date is coming up and my heart hurts so bad, and to make matters worse, he showed up at my door unannounced last evening after he got off work. He just couldn't stand the fact that I didn't want to see him and that I dropped my son at my grandmas for him to pick up from there and to drop off back over there. This was saving me my emotional state. My heart is not over him and what I know he can be or should be, or whatever...........I think I'm nuts for even caring still......but he showed up knocking at my door. What was I supposed to do with my little one standing right behind me? Be mean to his dad in front of him? I can't do that because I know how much he loves him and he doesn't understand the real situation and he was blaming me for not letting him come over in the past. So I let him in. What a huge mistake. Today my heart is crushed. You know I listened to all his nice words and commented back to him about it. I've said everything before. What does he want from me? Why oh why can't he just move on and let go? He showed up at my church Sunday morning for a few minutes, sat next to our son then said he had to go so he can go to his church. Well he went to his church what once in however many years I have known him and he is feeling sad for letting me go. He says he was stupid to lose me and he wants to find the ways to get me back. HUH? are you kidding me? My heart feels like a big bowl of dung and you want what? Do I move away to get rid of him? What? So what if he isn't using, he is still wishy washy and my heart cannot and does not want to deal with it. I wish God would just send me the man I am really supposed to be with. Maybe then he would leave me alone.
ANyways...I will pray for you and your daughter. Best bet would to be stop torturing yourself.....one day you and I both will decide to stop the torture we keep serving ourselves and take it all as a loss. Money included. I don't get anything either and he is working too. Apparently he doesn't get paid till the middle of the month. Whatever. WE are surviving like we always have- without his help. When does this stop? Cause it just seems that the more time he is clean the more he wants to be with me, but only on his conditions. I think it's funny, but it still hurts. I know the things he says are in the moment. Why is that? Why can't they really mean what they say?

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