| Subject: Tough Love |
Author:
Shari
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Date Posted: 07:39:48 09/07/06 Thu
Many, many years ago, My mother (passed away January, 2001) said to me...Wow, you have tough love. She said that because of actions I did, and I don't remember what it was. All I know is I will give and give and give, but when it comes to you taking advantage of me or the situation without doing your part....there's the door.
With regard to my relationship with my meth addict husband...He is in prison right now. This is the second time that I was the one that made the call that put him behind bars.
Will he walk the walk? Well...last April when I went to see him...when I wanted to just end it, but God told me to give him one more chance, I laid out the ground rules of him being able to come home, and he agreed to all of it. I put it in writing in a Post-marital contract that both of us signed in front of a notary public. I have a degree in Legal Secretary by the way.
It states: He is responsible for the disarray in our marriage. He cannot have any money on him at any time. It states he is not entitled to any inheritance that the boys and I get from my family, but we are entitled to any inheritance from his family. He has to pay back the items he stole or sold out from under us...to get them back in the home or pay us back for what we already had to get. It spells out exactly what is expected of him jobwise, along with what is expected of him when he isn't working. It also states that he agrees to certain things while I'm getting my trust back including bodily searches, no contact with old friends, not even a hello if he runs into them, etc. If he does not do what is written in the contract, there's the door...he is to go out it with only the clothes on his back and nothing else, and then have the financial responsibility of the entire divorce. There are six pages of what is expected of him.
There are two pages of what is expected of me, and it includes how the family income will be spent, with the first priority being the necessary things to run the home like mortgage, utility bills, food. Secondly the savings for the education of our boys; thirdly the wants of our boys and myself (like toys, movies, etc.). Fourthly to pay back for the items he has taken from us; and lastly, for his wants. There are a few other things that I have agreed that I will do like leave the past behind, quit smoking.
There are two pages of what is expected of us as a couple, like how often we will do family things with all of us and how often we will do couple things without the boys, etc.
So, there are ten pages of what is expected from us if we are to remain married. He initialed all ten pages so he knows they are the pages he agreed on, and signed it in front of a notary; sent it back to me, and I signed it in front of a notary. I've made two copies of it (one he gets so he remembers what is what), and the original is filed at our county courthouse.
I looked him square in the eyes and told him I have had enough and would be gone if it weren't for God. I told him I will not tolerate any more behavior that is detrimental to our boys. I told him that when I met him I wanted nothing to do with men, but he was persistent (I was getting over a broken heart). I reminded him that he chose to be in the lives of our first son and I because I was willing to let him walk away without any responsibility. He asked me to marry him without any pressuring...so that he also initiated, and then he counted the days and purposely got me pregnant to bring Shane into our lives. I told him it was time to step up to the plate and take responsibility for the things he initiated, not time to talk about it. I told him if he didn't, I've already gone the hardest leg of the journey without him, and I wouldn't think twice about doing the rest of it without him, no matter how much I love him. Because my main responsibility in life now is the lives of our boys and what is best for them. I told him I will not allow you emotionally damage Shane the way you already have Shawn.
So....if he can't walk the walk...I have it in writing that he is out the door with nothing but the clothes on his back and is still financially responsible for the divorce and all the damage he has done.
I also told him that I've put you in prison twice, and will do everything in my power to make sure the third time is for life so we will know that you will be taken care of instead of running the streets.
I told him that God put us together for a reason. He gave me the babies that I so desperately wanted, and I had what it takes for him to get off of drugs or to walk away from him and be able to raise our boys without him.
I am not an addict, but I will give 110% in a relationship until it is detrimental to myself or my children....then I will do what it takes to make things right. So he has the choice of having a life with a loving family, or not.
This document gives me all I need in a court of law for showing his addiction and financial obligations to us. My favorite part is where he is not entitled to my inheritence but we are entitled to his.
So....if he can't walk the walk....he is gone. I have had enough.
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