| Subject: Re: TOUGH LOVE |
Author:
TR's mom
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Date Posted: 12:01:21 09/12/06 Tue
In reply to:
SUSAN
's message, "TOUGH LOVE" on 21:06:43 09/04/06 Mon
Just keep trying. It is so very hard to do, but it was what worked for us. I had the police come to my house and arrest my son (passed out on our sofa with enough meth for a felony charge). I cried as they took him out in handcuffs but I knew it was the right thing to do. He was not yet 18 at the time and I hoped I could advocate for him and get him the help he needed. I knew that without help the drugs would either ruin his life or end his life. I had to do what I could. Then my husband and I wrote letters to the judge asking for treatment and not jail. Our son was not a criminal, he was a drug addict and needed help. The courts were happy to work with us because they said they seldom saw parents who really cared that much. (I believe there are many parents who care that much, they are just paralyzed by the fear of losing the love of their addicts) It took almost 2 more years (off and on)of treatment centers and heartache before TR finally got it and made the decision to change. But when he and I talk about it now, (and we often do) he will freely say that he is grateful to us for being tough. He said he never would have stopped without the very real threat of losing those he loved. And he knew because of the very difficult things we did, just how much we loved him. Try to be strong, get the help you need through counseling, anti-depressents, friends, this forum, prayer... whatever you think you need.
Believe in yourself. And think about what you really want to live with the rest of your life. If your addict does not get well or God forbid dies- can you be at peace with yourself because you did everything you could do for them, no matter how hard it was on you? And if they recover, even if they hate you for being tough with them-at least they are alive and you be at peace because you did everything you could do for them, no matter how hard it was on you. I'll never tell you it is not painful and difficult. If your addict is a minor, don't delay because you still have some power over their life. If they are adult, there is less you can do for them, but you may need to do it to save you. Sorry to have gone on so long, I just needed to hear this stuff when I was in your place. I hope it helps. God bless.
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