| Subject: Re: Son is "Lost". A Mom's Blog |
Author:
Melinda
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Date Posted: 17:05:08 03/29/06 Wed
In reply to:
Distraught Mom
's message, "Son is "Lost". A Mom's Blog" on 10:29:55 03/26/06 Sun
Distraught Mom,
I have read your post about ten times now, and yet still I am having a hard time to kind the words to tell you how to get through this. Your post is heartbreaking.
I don't have a lot of knowledge of how it feels to be a parent of an addict. I have had a lot of experience in being the daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend. ANd i know first hand what it means to be an addict. But none as being the parent.
So I will do the best I can and tell you what I know as it is for the addict. Your son, is responsible for his decisons. As much as you love him and want what is best for him, he will not stop UNTIL HE IS READY. It doesn't matter that he may violate is probation by leaving the state, he is already violating it by doing the drugs. Him coming home, only puts the problem on your doorstep. You have done more for him, that what he will ever know. It is not that he doesn't feel bad or shame in what he is doing, (because he does, in that breif moment of reality that all addicts have before their next high) he is very ashamed of himself, because just like you, this is not what he truly wants. He doesn't fully understand yet, that he is the only one who can make a choice to not do this anymore. THe only resolve you have is to put him in God's hands and trust that God will do what needs to be done at the exactly perfect time that it needs to be done.
As far as you taking care of him if he comes back. NO! NO! NQ!!!!! He needs to take care of himself, the more you help him, the more he will play you into giving him what he wants. This is enabling. Tough love is the answer here. It is no to everything, money, a place to live, a place to stay, NO! NO! NO! He needs to clearly understand that you will not help him as long as he chooses this lifestyle. Sounds cold, but believe me. It works, this was the only thing that got my attention. ANd when I realized this, it was a huge light bulb moment. I now understand why it seemed as if nobody cared. It is not that it was anyone else . It was me who was the problem. I thank God everyday that I fell as hard as I did.
I hope this helps you to understand a little more about an addict who is actively using. You have done what any mother would do, you love your child. Now it is time for tough love.
I will pray for you and your son.
Melinda
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