Subject:  Re: My friend Adam |
Author:
tom
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Date Posted: 22:21:53 04/06/06 Thu
In reply to:
rhonda
's message, "Re: My friend Adam" on 09:01:00 04/06/06 Thu
Thankyou both for your kind words. I just wanted to share that I spoke to Adam's dealer last night. She has been my dealer too when I've slipped back into old ways. I told her what had happened to Adam on Saturday night, that he had injected himself with a gram of ice in 3 needles over a period of 4 hours. Previous to that he had smoked/injected/eaten 1/2 a gram of meth. She didn't realise it was all for him, nor did she believe me that he had taken it all in the one night over a period of just hours. She said how guilty she felt and how sorry she was and asked why no one had told her about his previous addiction. I can't help but think and wanted to tell her that her business is killing people, she helps people into an early grave for a living, she is a killer, slowly but surely, she ensures their early death. As I mentioned, I have been a user of meth, cocaine, ecstacy and various other drugs also. I've now been diagnosed with pericarditus which is an inflamation of the pericardium layer of the heart. I have inflamed my pericardium layer and it is deflated so many times whilst taking drugs that it has scared severely and I am now in a constant chest pain. I'm 23 years old and wanted to travel more than I have, I wanted to travel drug free and have fond memories, I wanted to sky dive again and remember it this time, I wanted to climb ayres rock in the northern territory (I live in Australia) and wanted to travel through India, I want to have kids and be able to play ball with them. I want to do all of this pain free but my stupid STUPID habits have prevented me from doing this and put me in a life long spiral of pain. Even the most simple of exersice will now inflate the pericardium layer and when it deflates, leave another scar and more pain. Drugs have not completely debilitated me but they have caused a lasting injury that will always remind me of what I've done.
The most rediculous thing is that I still want to take drugs, I still want to dance all night, just one more time, then that'll be it. And another time after that I'm sure. I'm actually tossing up in my head if I can live in a little bit more pain, just bare a tiny bit more for another night out and days and days of being awake. To feel SO care free for just a few days, not to care about the pain, not to feel the pain, not to care about work, money, stress, mortgage repayments, just to spend another few days care free.
But can I bare the pain of the come-down and the lasting effect it will have on my heart??
Sorry to blab but I need to tell, no one is here to support me enough because not many people know. I'm too ashamed to say anything to my family and drug free friends. I feel so stupid for what I've done to myself.
As Dad's always said. -- You made your bed, you lay on it --
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