| Subject: Young boyfriend, Old problems |
Author:
David
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 18:26:38 02/22/03 Sat
In reply to:
sgboy
's message, "Ask Dr. Gene" on 18:17:02 02/22/03 Sat
Dear Dr Gene,
I have a boyfriend, Chris who is turning 19 this year. I am 12 years his senior. We've been together for almost 2 years now and before me he had a few relationships. In fact, both of his ex-boy friends were my classmates in University. We used to meet quite often when he was attached to them. Chris had a very nasty start in his gay life. He was harassed, blackmailed and was even misled to take nude photos for a porn magazine based in Thailand. I was there as a friend when he went through these troubles and perhaps because of which he drew very close to me and we were attached.
Everything was going quite well for us until recently when he told me that he was tempted by good looking guys with nice bods. He told me honestly that he's afraid that he might be unfaithful to me one day.
However, Chris told me that if I lose the spare tyre, go train up in the gym and revert to the body he fell in love with, it might help him to stay faithful. I felt a little devasted when he said that but I controlled my expressions. Instead, Chris broke down and cried. He told me he was very afraid to hurt me as he loved me too much. After all, Chris said that besides being his boy friend, I was like a counsellor, financial provider and a close friend who stood by him even when he was almost a horny and nasty person in the past.
Do you think I am merely a short-term boyfriend for Chris? I tried suggesting to Chris that I could play other roles as well. When he becomes more mature, would he still need me? Will my outer appearance still matters to him in the future? I'm very confused at this stage.
David
Hello David,
Honestly speaking, I doubt seriously if you could straighten this mess out. Perhaps more information from you would help me understand the situation better. But from what you have written, let me try to help you from there:
It all depends on what you consider "short term". Let's face it, Chris is still a teenager and is likely to be still schooling. Does he really know what he wants out of life at this time? Probably not. Is he being honest with you? Probably so. Will he be with you for the rest of your life? I doubt it. Will you be faithful to him in the future? I doubt that too.
Maturity bring independence, as you know for yourself. Independence from parents, siblings, and friends. Does he need you now? Hard to say. Who knows, he may be using you now. You've also told him you can play other roles. This may be giving him thoughts as to how he can use you in the future.
Your appearances may always matter to him. I think his appearances matters to you also. Just suppose he ballooned to 100 kg or if he was disfigured in some way, would you still want him?
To me, Chris is a typical eighteen year old who is being manipulated and used by someone much older than him, who is afraid to let him mature and grow into the man he may wish to be. If you can, put yourself back when you were eighteen. Did you know what you wanted out of life?
Sincerely,
Dr. Gene
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 