| Subject: Boyfriend not interested in sex |
Author:
Jon
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Date Posted: 19:56:32 04/11/03 Fri
In reply to:
sgboy
's message, "Ask Dr. Gene" on 18:17:02 02/22/03 Sat
I have been with my partner for more than 4 years now and we are happy together. Both of same age, we are young, successful couple. We try to spend more time with each other, though our work commitments somehow always come in between.
Everything is not beautiful though. The past year, I have noticed the lack of interest on his part to be together, intimately. Initially, I brushed it off thinking work being the reason for the lack of sexual intimacy. However, at one point, when I realized that we did not have sex for more than 8 weeks, I got panicked. I thought he was seeing someone else or even has lost interest in me. I confronted the issue calmly and told him of this.
He said nothing of it and blames it on work commitments. After a period of blissfulness for about a couple of weeks, the same thing occurred. During these times, I lost my temper and confronted him angrily. I did ask him whether there was someone else in his life or whether he wants us to stop having sex altogether. Of course, the same excuses were given.
By the way, I did try to spice up our sex life but all this effort was wasted. Nothing that I suggested, or did helped to overcome the problem.
The other problem with us is that I am always the initiator when come to sex. This has somewhat made me feel like a sex addict and that I hate to think that I am inferior to him. I did ask him why he never initiated our sex act but the reason given was rather lame. The thought of me begging for sex from him somewhat angers me a lot and thus, I have resolved not to ask for it anymore.
It has been more than a year now and to be perfectly honest with you, I have lost interest in this subject matter. Where once I would be angry and felt insecure, now, I just ignored and think nothing of it. Where once I used to want him to stay over night in my place, nowadays, I gave excuses for him to go home to his family.
I have been thinking of getting myself a sex buddy, but afraid I would lose this relationship. I love my partner deeply and do want to be with him for all my life. But the lack of sexual intimacy has somewhat causes me to think twice about us, what's more, feeling inferior to him certainly does not help matters.
I am sure others would see me as the offender here, for they say, sex is not what matters in a relationship. Put yourself in my shoes and you will know what I mean.
Of late, I have noticed some changes in me. I never did look at other guys twice and think of dirty thoughts, before. But lately, I am doing that and I do think, it is getting out of control. I blame it on my prime age and all that. But I perfectly know the reason behind these changes.
Dr Gene, I am at lost here. As much as I want to have a sex buddy, I can't bring myself to do it, for I do not wish to harm my relationship. But the thought of continuing this relationship, purely on love without sexual intimacy, leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
I need your personal advice on this Dr Gene.
Thank you.
Jon
Dear Jon,
Sex is an important component to a healthy long-term relationship. It is an expression of love, which is why we call it "making love".
Since your occupation is that of a professional, why not look at this situation in a professional manner.
Tell him exactly what you've told me. Show him the letter. See if both of you can work out an "arrangement", including possible remedies to his lack of interest or even agreeing to be in an open relationship.
Try to factor in a time period. If the situation does not improve, then, you are still young enough to start anew.
Sincerely,
Dr. Gene
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