| Subject: Sequence One: No News Is Good News (Inside) |
Author:
Neela
|
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Date Posted: 16:57:18 09/07/08 Sun
Author Host/IP: adsl-67-123-17-144.dsl.bkfd14.pacbell.net/67.123.17.144
In reply to:
Neela
's message, "The Bloopers and Jokes of Redwall (Or, The Much Needed Parody Flop.)" on 11:06:53 09/06/08 Sat
*You hear scuffling in a dark room. Suddenly, you hear a click and see Neela dusting off an old light switch on a musty stage.*
Neela: Lovely beginning. *Looks around and pulls up two chairs and a small table covered in magazines and newspapers.* Bronte, my co-host, will be here any moment. He's just --
Bronte: *Interrupts.* Arriving. Welcome, fellow dibbuns, to the first ever sequence of the Squash Basher's Parody, or the S.B.P for short. *Sits down in one of the chairs. Neela sits down as well.*
Neela: The hosts for the parody are my twin and I. I'm Neela, but will be called Bubbles, which is my nickname, from here on out during the parody.
Bronte: I'm Bronte, but just call me Trouble. I'm always in trouble. Today's theme is: Drum roll, please!
*A drum roll sounds in the background.*
Bronte: The theme is... "No news is good news!"
*Neela snorts*
Bronte: What?
Neela: Nothing. Nothing at all except you left the copy of news bloopers back in the Active Array dorm.
*Bronte slaps a paw to his head.*
Bronte: I forgot!
*Runs off, and Neela calls something after him.*
Neela: You’re more forgetful than Dory from “Finding Nemo”!
*He returns with the bloopers.*
Bronte: Here they are.
*Shoves pile in his otter twin’s lap.*
Neela: Thank goodness for that. Moving on to the bloopers, with commentary by Trouble and I.
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Neela: You most likely read the news every day. You probably look closer at your paper than these people we found did. Here are the funniest headlines and classified ads that we both found.
Bronte: Don’t leave out any of these, Bubbles. They’re quite funny.
Neela: I won’t.
*Neela shuffles her pile of papers and pulls out a very crumpled sheet of paper.*
Neela: Thank you for mentioning that, you little star… detail... thingie…
Headline 1: Grandmother of eight makes a hole in one.
Bronte: *Shudders.* Glad she’s not my grandmother. I wouldn’t want a hole in my self.
Neela: You already have a whole in yourself, dummy!
Bronte: *Looks puzzled.* Really? Where?
Neela: *Sniggers.* In your brain!
Bronte: Ha ha. Very funny. Not.
Neela: Moving on!
Headline 2: Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
Neela: Oh dear! Looks like another jaywalker got run over by a police car. Call the police! Wait. No. Call the SWAT team!
Headline 3: Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing.
Bronte: But I thought he was deaf… *Gets whacked by Neela.*
Neela: He IS deaf, stupid! That’s a different kind of hearing!
Bronte: Don’t whack my awesomeness. *Smacks Neela back.*
Neela: Awesomeness? What awesomeness? *Whacks Bronte.*
Bronte: MY awesomeness. *Smacks Neela.*
Neela: You have no awesomeness.
Whack! Smack! Whack! Smack!...
(Three hours later…)
Neela: Moving on! *Whack!*
Headline 4: Stiff opposition expected from casket less funeral.
Bronte: 0.0 Okay…
Headline 5: Anyone who breaks the law is at risk of being arrested.
Neela: Duh!
Bronte: Now for the classifieds. *Steals the classified ads blooper sheet from Neela.*
Classified Ad 1: Stock up and save. Limit: One
Bronte: What’s up with the stock up, then?
Classified Ad 2: For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Neela: Seriously. Who would want an apartment someone else hates? Let’s be logical here…
Classified Ad 3: Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Neela: So they cheat you first before someone else? Gee, that makes a whole lot of sense!
Classified Ad 4: 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
Bronte: I’m not quite sure how they’ll find a three-year-old teacher who has a whole lot of experience, but that’s just me.
Classified Ad 5: Our experienced Mom will take care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
*Neela holds up a keyboard.*
Neela: Bad typo! Bad!
Classified Ad 6: Auto repair service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
Bronte: Somehow, I don’t think these guys will be getting any customers any time soon.
Neela: Me too. Anyway, that’s the end of this sequence. Don’t believe everything you read in the newspapers.
*Bronte holds up a copy of the Redwall Weekly.*
Bronte: Woah, Bubbles! Did you know that Martin the Warrior was part alien? I wonder if he came from Jupiter or Mars.
Neela: *Whacks Bronte on the head with the newspaper.* Don’t. Believe. Everything. You. Read. In. The. News. Understand!
Bronte: *Cowers.* Yes, ma’am.
Neela: Good. Glad you do. Remember everyone, Squash are friends. Not food!
Bronte: Except when you bash ‘em.
Neela: Figuratively speaking.
Bronte: Physically speaking.
Neela: Whatever. *Shuts off light.*
If you wish to be in a sequence of S.B.P., please reply and fill out this form:
Name(s):
Gender:
Ideas, if any, for this parody:
Your Quirks/Personality:
Funny Personal Quote:
Pure Craziness:
Pure Randomness:
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