| Subject: Ep. 3 (and yes, I am a FF fan) |
Author:
Redtail
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Date Posted: 18:16:15 07/22/08 Tue
Author Host/IP: 71-32-244-27.ptld.qwest.net/71.32.244.27
In reply to:
Redtail, transparent, green, floating, etc.
's message, "Of Cabbages and.... and.... um...." on 17:59:54 07/15/08 Tue
When we last left our adventurers....
Matthias: *stab*
Narrator: Gurk!
Cluny: *snatches sword away* No, no, no! Bad mouse. Bad!
Matthias: Bwut Uncle said...
Cluny: No soup for you!
Soup Nazi: *whacks Cluny* Don't steal my lines.
Matthias: A Stalin impersonator! Kill it! *stabs*
Soup Nazi: You sneaky little mouse! *jumps on Matthias*
Anonymous passerby: Writers' Guild strike!
Soup Nazi: Eh what? *disappears*
Matthias: *somehow has gotten hold of a TV* Aww man, there's nothing left except for Arthur and Dirty Jobs.
Cluny: TV is bad for you. *drags Matthias away* We need to get to Tokyo.
Matthias: Wow, animals that can talk and walk upright. Now that's weird.
Cluny: *smashes TV*
Matthias: Nooooooo! Arthur! I wanna see the animals in dresses!!!!
Cluny: Look in a mirror, idiot.
In the local airport.
Intercom: All flights to Tokyo are hereby canceled due to a cosplayer's strike in the city.
Cluny: Dang.
Intercom: Meanwhile, flights to Beijing have resumed, as long as passengers remember to wear their red scarves and lead-painted toys.
Strange hedgehog: *whacks author* No political jokes on DAB!
Author: Yes, ma'am...
Meanwhile, in Liverpool.
BJ: Okay, I've finally come up with a storyline.
Publisher: Good! Let's hear it.
BJ: Okay. Two squirrels find a bracelet of power, dropped by the evil dark rabbit. They must take the bracelet and cast it into the hotpot of semi-doom in the land of Nodoor. Meanwhile they're pursued by a relentless otter named Gottem, and nine bracelet boogeymen. They band with seven others, forming the Brotherhood of the Bracelet, battling savage porks and Ulook-nice. I was thinking of making it a dodecology.
Publisher: .....
BJ: .......
Publisher: .....
BJ: .......
Publisher: ....Brilliant! I'll get the presses ready!
Anonymous: Dude, that's got more copyright infringements than a CP novel.
CP fan: Noooooooo! Nooooo! How dare you defile the sacred name?!
(Note: This author does not in any way mean to insult those fans of CP's works, nor does he intend to insult the works themselves. This author does not condone declaring a book is bad just because its plotline is painfully similar to several fantasy epics and a sci-fi film trilogy from the 60s, nor does he condone the mistreatment of parrots by dunking them in barrels of whipped cream and cheesy clam chowder; nor does he admit that his ideas for bashing CP are blatant references to other parodies that have been posted here.
Copyright (c) 2008 20th Century Vole.)
Meanwhile, in Tokyo.
Cluny: How the heck did we get here?
Matthias: Dunno. Must be a deus ex machina.
Cluny: A what?
Matthias: It's a video game. And an anime.
English Professor: Actually, "deus ex machina" means "god out of machine" in Latin, which is a--
Matthias: *stab*
*cosplayers walk in*
Cosplayer 1: <Ooo, pretty costumes! They look just like mice!>
Cosplayer 2: <Wow, it's so realistic!>
Matthias: What's a "
Cluny: Must be some ancient magic tongue for "That rat is the most handsome beast I've ever seen."
*the vole comes running in*
Vole: Look out! It's the extra-hot-curry-slinging robotic squirrel!!!
Cluny: Hoo boy.
Matthias: Don't worry, I have the... Bracelet of Power!!!
Frodo: *jumps in* Mine!!!!
Matthias: *kicks Frodo* Oi, wrong storyline. Bracelet, not ring.
Frodo: Dang.
Sam: Don't worry, Mister Frodo, we'll find you some evil-ring-power patches.
Matthias: *holds up bracelet* Bracelet, go!!!
Robotic Squirrel: (whatever sounds a robotic squirrel makes.)
And now...
WILL MATTHIAS BE ABLE TO DEFEAT THE SQUIRREL?
WILL FRODO GET HIS EVIL-RING-POWER PATCHES?
WILL THIS PARODY EVER MAKE ORIGINAL JOKES?
WILL REDTAIL EVER ACTUALLY WRITE THE FIGHT?
Redtail: Okay, okay! I'm getting to it! Geez!
TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!!!
Tolkien: You broke the sacred law of only three questions! And you stole my story!
*rolls in grave*
CP: You dare to defile my name?! Take the full blast of fifteen-year-old writing!!!!
Redtail: Aaaagh! My eyes! My eyes!
(note: The Inheritance Tetralogy isn't all that bad...... if you haven't watched Star Wars.)
(extra note: Please forgive me for my plagiarism, O great Lettuceleaf! *commits seppuku*)
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