Re: 12-9-2002 -- What's On Ians' Mind.

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Subject: Re: 12-9-2002

Author:
Ian Line

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Date Posted: 23:12:12 12/09/02 Mon
In reply to: Lisa 's message, "Re: 12-9-2002" on 11:44:58 12/09/02 Mon

I don't really know what half the stuff I said but it was all coming out of me and going into the keyboard and into the computer. Thats me when im sick and tired of seeing the same old crap and no one even cares to listen to me to hear whats bugging me. And when I do tell people I feel as if they don't care and they just nod their head and say, "yeah, yeah, yeah I know". Meaningless if no one geniuenly cares to say something other than "yeah or yeah I know or oh man that sucks". No help so I run to God. I don't hear anything from God or even feel him or even receive help when I seriously need it. I was once totally on fire for God but things starting to build up. So i ask God to take them from me. Nothing happens for a long time of living my life for God and asking and serving. You ask questions of is it me? You examine yourself left and right, up and down. You can't find much, but what you do find you change and you say ill give it another try just as hard. And still nothing, for a long as hell time. Then thats when you start to decay. You have no help, no contact with the one who gives you life. You try but it beats you down. Little faith you may call it, but I was being as strong as I could be for a long period of time. I catch myself almost denouncing God. But I catch myself, cause I know he's real. So I try to live for God, but it's hard if you live for God and he isn't living in you and for you in you. I can't even explain it all, it's complicating this is not enough information for anyone to understand it even the slightest. I just got to continue and try to live like I did when God was being a good God to me.

But im getting happier I guess. But I get sad because I miss my mom when I get happy cause it goes along with being happy and she would be there doing certain things all the time. She is always on my mind and it aint going to change, ever. But ill learn to deal with it, "the worst feeling in the world".

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: 12-9-2002	Fenix	18:08:55 03/02/03 Sun