Author:
<:)Neurotic Dumb Duck
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Date Posted: Tuesday, August 19 2003, 14:19:47 GMT ( - 8 )
I can empathize with some of your feelings for 5 years 1 month and 1 week I havn't thought much of this whole life thing either - it sucks - but since there is still family and perhaps even a few friends who do care about me - and since I find it abhorrant to inflick pain on others and thats what my premature demise would cause - I'm still here.
What you need to do (a few things actually) is to try and detach yourself long enough for some serious introspection - a good hard look at yourself (AN HONEST ONE) - and your post certainly was not that - low self esteem and the kind of criticism you were laying on yourself is based on emotion and is not accurate.
Objectively look at yourself and this relationship and then take a good objective look at your post. Would you want to be in a relationship with a person who wrote something like that. Someone who is very insecure, someone who it seems is bitching and moaning about this or that often, - perhaps you think because you love another or even if it is mutual and perhaps it is, that is all it takes - NOT TRUE - lots of compromise, mutual respect, and work and hey if its not FUN at least a good part of the time then why bother.
Are you guys having FUN together or has the relationship just turned into a perpetual emotional roller coaster -
Your post sounds to me like you are driving him away - but then again I know very little of the situation and the guy could be a total jerk who is out to use get his jollies and off to the next one when he gets bored I have no idea -
Tell you 1 thing unless you can look at things a bit more objectively without putting yhourself down and not letting perhaps jelousy dictate your emotions and then with some sort of rationality have some HONEST COMMUNICATION with this person about your feelings, needs and wants and his feelings also, then your just spinning your wheels - cause the relationship or any relationship won't go anywhere if there isn't honest communication between the participants. Even if your willing perhaps he is not and guess what guy got some news for you
THERE IS NOT A PERSON ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET ANYWHERE NOT ONE THAT YOU CAN FORCE TO LOVE YOU
CONVERSELY
THERE IS NOT A PERSON ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET ANYWHERE NOT ONE THAT CAN FORCE YOU TO LOVE THEM
AS MUCH AS ALMOST EVERY HUMAN BEING NEEDS AND WANTS IT WITHIN THEIR LIVES
GENUINE LOVE IS MAGICAL, MYSTICAL AND SPIRITUAL
AND IT HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS
and those with self esteem issues in many cases think it won't happen for them and they are willing to settle - first person comes along and says or is nice to them they clamp on and do their utmost to instantlyh make it into a relationship - which usually ends up destroying any possibilities as the opposite party flees terrified that someone they just met anad havn't really gotten to know yet has become so emotional and so quickly.
Next if this is some online relationship where your emotions have become so intense and your entire relationship is via a keyboard and monitor over cyberspace
I'd suggest you get off the net for awhile and try real life
there is no cyber shoulder out there or a cyber hug that can EVER COME EVEN CLOSE TO HAVING A REAL HUMAN BEING BE THERE IF YOU NEED TO SHED TEARS OR GIVE YOU A HUG.
Don't know how old you are but my guess is your still young (a relative term) probably under 30 (probably substantially less then that) Way to early to give up - Stop putting yourself down, stop snibbling if you do it often to those you get involved with (even friends get tired of it - if thats all a person does)if you have some personality flaws then fix them - Your as good as the next person - We all get dropped into this terrestrial speck of dust the same way and with everyone there is always others that are brighter, dumber, richer, poorer, better looking, uglier, but those are traits that have nothing to do with whether you are a good person or not and therefore nobody comes into this world with others being better then them or below them - It really is up to you what you do with what you got.
Next time your in a supermarket take a good look at the couples that are together - and if you do it honestly you will realize that as far as appearance is concerned IT TRULY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER -
So you can continue to kvetch about how life is unfair and how can you ever expect anyone to Love you etc etc which will accomplish exactly what you fear the most - You will end up alone - or you can take self inventory - work on any genuine (not perceived becuase of inadequate feelings) flaws you see and become involved socially IN REAL LIFE with other REAL PEOPLE and though there are no guarantees for any of us Your chances of finding someone that you genuinely LOVE AND WHO GENUINELY LOVES YOU ALSO - are reasonably good -
There are some excellent books available on self esteem and all the issues it can cause when an individual's ego is not in an appropriate place - you can probably gain a tremendous amount of helpful information and insight which will enhance your chances of a gaining what you apparently wish for most - A Loving Relationship - If you not willing to put that much effort into it - then OH WELL!
Good Luck which does have alot to do with what you want but along with Luck you can contribute greatly
<:)Just a dumb duck
p.s. too tired to edit this so if there are mispellings we will both get over ourselves - if perhaps a word or two gets left out of a sentence - think about it and probably the meaning will come through - If I left sentences out of the paragraphs - well I already said I'm tired -- and if the entire thread makes no sense to you - well then what can I say what the hell are you doing reading stuff written by a Duck!
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