Way too much too soon. -- Back Talk

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Subject: Way too much too soon.

Author:
Trisha

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Date Posted: 18:03:47 11/01/02 Fri
In reply to: KatherineJ 's message, "What to do when your man isn't doing it right" on 14:48:13 11/01/02 Fri

I think since you've been going out with him for four months, you're asking a lot from him. Four months is not a long time. And, remember, you cannot change a person overnight....plus, in my opinion, you need to remember to accept him for who he is. If you can't, maybe rethinking the relationship might be something you need to do. And, if you are always wanting to change him (even these four things, which I consider major), he might get tired of that and leave. I think you're asking for a lot too soon.

You might be wanting to change him for the better, but he needs to change for himself, not just for you. If these things bother you now, what's going to happen down the line? Even if you were with him for more than four months, I would still be saying the same.

Just my opinion. I do apologize ahead of time if I offended. Just being honest. :) Good luck!

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[> [> Subject: I agree (and more)

Author:
Wanda
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Date Posted: 06:21:27 11/02/02 Sat

But realizing sometimes relationships move faster especially if we know the person before, time in itself isn't the issue.

First, have you ever been unemployed? I guarantee no one is as flustered as he is about finding work. Sounds like he's doing what he can, and there are bound to be periods where he slacks off but 17 months of looking has to be exhausting. Adding pressure to his search by making this something YOU need from HIM is, IMO, way out of line.

Second, regarding your other requirements. He's not you. If these particular things, especially, are dealbreakers you should move on NOW. Unless he's under 18, odds are not good that he would be able to change some of these things no matter how much he'd like to please you. A clutterbug is a clutterbug. He may clean up for a visit from you, but if you imagine you may ever live with him quite frankly you'd better be damned sure you can live like that.

Thirdly, his priorities are his priorities, you can't change what's important to him and the things that drive you nuts are the small change to him. He may be able to grant you concessions from time to time in order to be near you, but he can't fundamentally change who he is or how important these things are to HIM. And once he starts changing his actions to suit you instead of himself, will he still be the man you love anyway? You sound pretty strong-minded and unless you've fallen in love with a push-over, which somehow seems unlikely, these are differences you are either going to have to learn to accept or walk away from now.