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Date Posted: 05:24:31 04/01/03 Tue
Note: Just because it's tradition. But, let's try something different this year....
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
It is a time of unrest in the galaxy. The slaughter of the Jedi Knights is complete, and Anakin Skywalker, now the sith lord DARTH VADER, rules with an iron fist. Obi-Wan Kenobi flew his Jedi Starfighter away from Tatooine. He left Anakin's infant son, Luke, with his only known family. The hope was that Luke would grow up to become a Jedi, and thus depose his father from power. But, in his dying breath, MADE WINDU entrusted Obi-Wan with a back up plan. Obi-Wan set course for Kamino.
On this planet of cloners, Obi-Wan presented the Kaminoans with samples of DNA. This DNA came from the bodies of the mightiest, noblest, and purest of Jedi Knights. The hope was that the Kaminoans could combine this DNA and create an ultimate Jedi Knight. This project was dubbed "the project to create and Knight of Excellence and Nobility," or Project KEN.
The Kaminoans began the project in earnest. Using the latest in their cloning techniques, they soon produced KEN-1, but there were flaws in the clone. He 11 toes: 4 on his left foot and 7 on his right. Knowing that such a flaw would never do, the Kaminoans set out again.
KEN-2 had an affiniation for light sockets and soon electrocuted himself.
KEN-3 suffered from explosive flatulance.
KEN-4 couldn't stop muttering things about "The One Ring" and soon departed on "a quest for Mordor."
KEN-5 built himself out a beautiful girlfriend out of old socks and dental floss.
KEN-6 went off to help Ash, Misty and Tracy in their quest to rescue Ratsputin from Team Rocket.
KEN-7 couldn't stop playing with his lightsaber, if you know what I mean.
KEN-8 was soon executed for crimes against the universe when he pitched his idea for a film he called "Showgirls 2."
And let's just pretend KEN-9 never existed, OK?
Finally, out of the maturation chamber popped...KEN-10. It seemed that, at long last, the Kaminoans had succeeded. But, before they could begin the Jedi-training program, the Emperor learned of the project. The stormtroopers were sent in to raze Kamino and destroy all existence of the KEN project. But, one lone Kaminoan knew that KEN-10 had to be saved. He placed the infant KEN-10 in suspended animation, and just fired him off in a random direction, hoping that the Force would watch after this young one.
Eons passed. The ship carrying KEN-10 soon left the galaxy, flying towards parts unknown. It soon entered a new galaxy, and was drawn into the gravity of typical yellow star. It rocketed down towards the thrid planet orbiting this star, and landed with a dull thud in the town of Kingman.
The landing deactivated the stasis field. The infant began to cry. This alerted the simple farming family who lived nearby, and they investigated. They found the ship, and the infant inside. They had no clue as to its origins. All they knew was the child's name, inscribed inside the spacecraft:
And thus, they decided to raise the child as their own, yadda yadda yadda, insatiaible comic fiend, yadda yadda yadda, saviour of humanity.
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