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Date Posted: Wed, Nov 12 2003, 22:45:07
Author: ohsolurid
Subject: Well, "Winner" certainly is a loser when it comes to Haiku . . .
In reply to: Squirrelly 's message, "KJ, quit being a brat" on Wed, Nov 12 2003, 19:49:42

>KJ's fic (aka "Winner"):

>http://www.koffeeklub.net/kj/index1.html


I don't know anything about Voyager, so I can't judge any of the fics, at least in terms of plot and characterization. "Winner's" haiku, however, is some of the cheesiest stuff I've come across.


<i>Gasp, sigh, grope, pant, groan
Building, secret passions soar
Lights bright smiling Tom

Weapons are charged
Shields at the ready, red alert
Crew’s lives in small hands

coffee nebula
wounded cloud; a game of pool
Commander, your stick

As one dark to light
Velvet steel, hot slick wetness
Cries of pure pleasure

Dark Jefferies tube
Warm golden hands touching me
Lights, Neelix! Screaming

Bones broken in lust
Bloody bites; sweaty joining
Sated Klingon love</i>


Japanese literary historians would be gouging their eyes out right about now. Haiku just doesn't translate well to aliens and starships.

And if I'm not mistaken, she has her formatting wrong on a few of these. Isn't haiku supposed to consist of 17 syllables (5 in the first and last lines, and 7 in the second)? I checked it out here (http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/) and they seem to think so. I guess with all the bitching and fangirl packing, "Winner" just didn't have the time to commit to either research or good writing.

--osl

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