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Date Posted: Thu, Nov 13 2003, 18:04:31
Author: AC
Subject: Troll Toll: Bad Bad Bad Buffy/Harry Potter Crossover

My troll toll is <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.squidge.org/~peja/harrypotter/DancingByCandleLight.htm">Dancing by Candle Light</a> by Caliadragon. The story is a Buffy/Harry Potter slash crossover.

I chose this story because it violates one of the prime axioms of storytelling, namely "show, don't tell". The "story" tells everything and shows almost nothing. What it does show lacks any resonance or depth because of the fact that we were told everything else. There's no real character development and no real plot even though it is well-written in the sense of not having multiple typos or grammar errors and other hideousness. In short, this is someone who has the skill to write, but not to tell stories. It also has a mini-balrog or whatever. The ever-popular Voldermort. I find this annoying because the same author once posted a HP story on ff.net and several reviewers told her it was Voldemort, not Voldermort. She deleted the reviews and insists on calling the villain Voldermort out of sheer stubborness or something.

I'll let the author's note speak for itself:<i><p>
To defeat the First and Voldermort, both the Fang Gang and the Scoobies joined together and with the contact of an old friend came to Hogwarts to learn to fight together. Dawn and Anya were killed before they left California. It was why they decided to go. I'm playing with the time line and making Xander and Harry the same age.
</i><p>

Okay, so she decided to kill off Anya and Dawn. She doesn't give a reason for it. I guess they were just in the way. But the loss of two major characters is glossed over in an author's note. She's also decided to make Xander the same age as Harry. The story is set after Goblet of Fire but during Buffy Season 7, so Harry's 14 years old. That means Xander is 14 years old instead of 22-23. Which means that either he never went to school with Buffy and Willow or they're all 14 again. Either that or Harry, Ron and Hermione (who she keeps calling Mione) are all 22-23 years old, in which case why are they still at school? This makes no sense. It completely destroys canon, and for no apparent reason other than the author wanted Harry and Xander to have sex but didn't want Xander to be a pedophile.

In addition to brutally killing of Anya and Dawn in the author's note, she's also decided to kill off Connor, Minerva, Poppy and Fred. But she doesn't mention if it's Fred Weasley or Fred Burkle who died because it doesn't really matter. And Lucius was apparently a hero and died, but he gets one sentence fragment so that's never expounded upon. And Minerva's death sent Xander into a horrible depression, but we never see the two of them together, we're only told that they were very close and she was like a mother to him. There's no pathos. And what pulls Xander out of his depression? Why, Harry and Draco, those young scallywags. Because Draco's one of the good guys.

Oh, and we get a few sentences explaining that Buffy was depressed over losing Dawn but now she's happily married to Ron. Wait. Either Ron's 14 years old and too young to get married, or else Buffy's also 14. Or he's over 20 but still a student and not dating anyone. Or something. Now my head hurts.

And Cordelia and Willow are lovers. Never explained. No clue where Kennedy went. Wait, there'as a part of a sentence mentioning that she was killed. That's good to know. And Giles and Snape are lovers. And so are Spike and Angel, who was bummed over losing Connor until Spike boinked him. And by the way, Angel is Spike's sire, not Dru, even though there's no need to change that part of canon. I mean, the two of them get less than a paragraph. Which is better than poor Arthur Weasley, who is also dead and only gets part of a sentence at the end. He and Kennedy, Anya, Dawn, whichever-Fred-it-is, and all the other dead people who didn't even rate their own sentences should protest.

And need I even mention that the combined crews defeated "Voldermort" (but not Voldemort, who is still at large) and the First Evil but she never even bothers to mention how they did it or why they joined forces?

In short, the story's a godawful mess that shreds canon and continuity for no apparent reason other than the author wanted Xander and Harry to boink.

Read it and mock.

AC

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