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Date Posted: Thu, Nov 13 2003, 22:21:29
Author: The one and only Real Gloria who might be Anne Rose.
Subject: Troll Toll: It's like shooting fish in a barrel!

Out of curiosity, has anyone ever actually found any *good* fic in the Grey Archives? I mean, practically everything I click on is GAFF.

Oh yeah, the story:

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki1.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki1.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki2.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki2.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki3.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki3.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki6.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki6.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki7.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki7.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki8.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki8.html</a>
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki10.html">http://greyarchive.greyarchive.org/Vicki10.html</a>

I only felt like going through chapter one.

The Lord of The Rings!: Enter the Dragoness.

I'll let the author tell you about her fic.

<i>By Vicki O'Danner (with help from my mentor Tyval) In an alternate reality, Middle Earth is again threatened by the evil ofSauron! But fate changes everything as the Gold Dragon in human form Shi Lung forms an elite force of female warriors and wizards who are all lesbians and love BDSM sex to protect the ring bearer, a young half-elf girl known only as Urchin. Can they destroy the 'One Ring' or will Sauron triumph?</i>

'Amazon' warriors who are into BDSM sex. Now, silly me, but I thought the last thing a warrior of any sex would want is to be tied up if they get attacked. But then I'm applying logic to fanficporn. Nevermind

<i>A long time ago; 3 rings for the Elves, 7 for the Dwarf Lords, 9 for the Kings of Men, and 1. One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.</i>

Lets forget all about Tolkien's lyrical prose. This is an AU (THAT should have been obvious from the summary). The Hobbits are killed near Bree, I think and the Ring tossed into the river by Frodo before he got decapitated (really, I'm not even sure why the hell they are in the story in the first place, they only lasted two paragraphs).

<i>But the ring had always had a mind of it's own. With it's master calling, the ring had attracted a salmon as it sank. The fish swallowed it as it continued it's journy, to the place it was born to spawn.</i>

Um. I think that paragraph speaks for itself.

Here's the main character:

<i>Gold Dragons had the natural ability to turn human at will. This is what made Shi an outcast among her own kind. For Shi Lung preferred being human and in human and in human form craved her own sex. Shi Lung was a formidable fighter as both human and dragon. In human form she had
trained for 400 years in various martial arts styles and also knew a variety of clerical and wizrd spells.</i>

Here's the 'Urchin' who bares the Ring:

<i>The doe eyes of the girl looked franticlly for escape as 2 muscled guards appeared followed by a fat red faced fish monger. Shi was between her and freedom, the girl knew she was trapped and began to cry. Getting caught was the end of the line for a lone thief, especially a girl. The dungeon, with days of torture and rape followed by publicly having her hands chopped off was all that was left for her</i>

About this time the 'author' remembered it was supposed to be a LOTR fic, rather then whatever the hell this thing is. So she added this bit:

<i>The scandalous incestuous lesbian affair they were having was well hidden. They were well matched, Galadriel was the most powerful sorceress of the elves, Arwen was their best female ranger. Only Legolas was better, and that was mostly attributed to his being the best archer
of all Middle Earth, no small feat considering the skill of the centaurs and other elves.</i>

Oya. The canon rape is killing me.

That's all that I had the stomach to read, even though the 'author' seems to be somewhat merciful by not putting the porn in the first chapter. But still. Centaurs. Teleportation spells. Dragons from Nippon. (That's Japan, right?)

Blerg. I did my bit.

Gloria

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