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Date Posted: Tue, Nov 11 2003, 7:45:11
Author: ........
Subject: Darwin Awards!
In reply to: Stupid 's message, "Re: Ahahahaha!" on Tue, Nov 11 2003, 7:34:14

A 25-year-old man, long accustomed to
annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping
streets, finally received his comeuppance -- and in the process, a
Darwinian nomination -- when he drove headfirst into a tree.

It is not only his reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area that
makes him eligible, nor is it merely because he was driving an
unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk.
Although these spectacularly stupid ideas were ultimately responsible for
his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to report.

Brian "The Brain" Sabinsky was a fireman, a member of the same
company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that
preaches snowmobile safety; responds to other gruesome, drunken,
helmet-free snowmobile "accidents" every year; and the very same
company that posts an illuminated "helmet safety" notice 700 feet from his
own home.

Clearly, while others have been as foolish as Brian in their choice of
recreational activities, few have been so uniquely aware of the possible
repercussions prior to making that choice!

"Why don't we do it in the road?" -Beatles

(3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul
Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out,
creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their
passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub.

Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and
cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen
position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus
driver, and a pedestrian.

An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get
up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate,"
and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved
to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned
pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way.

Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the
approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook
the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was
unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...

Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim
lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs
with his trousers pulled down.

The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is
the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police
investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or
running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying
in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below
the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent
driver."

The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked
for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent
employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of
the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job.

"Does it really matter what these affectionate
people do, so long as they don't do it in the street
and frighten the horses?" -Mrs. Patrick Campbell

Ignoring Coast Guard warnings, David
Manley ventured onto the icy surface of Saginaw Bay with his pickup
truck one chilly morning. Predictably, the vehicle broke through the ice,
but the 41-year-old managed to avert tragedy and escape from the
sinking truck. He reached the shore wet and cold, but alive.

Despite his traumatic experience, and despite a day of sunshine and warm
temperatures in the 60s, David returned to Saginaw Bay late the following
night. This time he was driving an all-terrain vehicle, and accompanied by
a friend. Surprise! The ATV also plunged through the ice.

His companion survived, but David had used up his luck. His body was
recovered by the Coast Guard southwest of the Channel Islands. An
autopsy was scheduled to determine whether anything besides a desire to
win a Darwin Award was a factor in his demise.

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