| Subject: 'Fancy dress and Battery Bars' |
Author:
Jim Martin
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Date Posted: 18:10:56 06/11/05 Sat
Drinking was very much part of Army culture in our day.
Work hard, play hard was the ethic that we lived by to a degree. We had to make our own entertainment, which we usually did with style. Wine, Women and Song was what made our exsistance more tolerable. Most of us excelled in trying to drink various bars dry. Nights of reverie and abandonment were usually the way. I remember this particular fancy dress night at this Battery bar. The lads were determined to make it a night to remember, to be sure.
The more outrageous the costume was, the better. Some went as drag artists, others in a multitude of weird costumes.
I went as a dirty old man, and a Wino' to boot! Dressed up in the old Army Macintosh, with jeans cut off above the knee, wearing only skiddies under the raincoat carrying a large tin can of Brasso filled with Brandy and coke. Unshaven, and looking something like I do nowadays.
Also crammed my pockets with the old compo boiled sweets. It was amazing, how much attention to detail went into these costumes. Anyway I heard that this certain female was going to attend this gathering. She was most men's fantasy, blonde, petite and had legs that went on forever.
Well, as Broderick said "I have a cunning plan" to corner this particular little beauty. I was going to use the "Compo sweetie little girl" patter, while flashing. I was certain that this would impress her! Everything went according to plan apart from the flashing element of the plan. I openned the raincoat and had trouble removing the cap of my plastic bottle of Dual that I had concealed between my legs, and on squeezing this, the bloody liquid shot everywhere covering her and various other females in the proccess. It looked like they were 'overcome' or had just gone mad in a sperm bank. Hilarious, it may of been but alas, my object of desire was not amused, at least not of being covered in this liquid. She wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the evening. Everyone else was rolling about in hysterical laughter. Isn't it amazing what we will do to impress the ladies!....Perhaps I should have stuck to the tried and tested methods of flowers or chocolates to impress her with!....What say you?
By the way Dual was that magic liquid that shined floors and what we used to wipe over our toecaps of our bulled boots for parade. A word of warning, never use it when raining as it turns the deep shine blue! A bit like the story in question, you may say!..........
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