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Date Posted: 03:28:02 03/12/03 Wed
Author: First aired Wednesday 12th March 2003
Subject: Episode 8.02 - "GROWN UP" - by Inner Moppet

It’s morning in the Summers house. Buffy calls out to Dawn, telling her to hurry up because Xander will be there soon to take them to school. Dawn runs downstairs, saying she knows exactly what time it is, this is all part of her intricate system for getting ready in the morning. Buffy says “What, your system involves driving me crazy because every morning you’re running late?” Dawn says, “Yes, it keeps things interesting, dontcha think?”

Cut to Xander, driving his car. He looks worried, like something is on his mind. He starts talking to himself, saying he’ll tell them this morning, there’s no sense putting it off, the sooner the better, etc.

Back in Casa Summers, Dawn is eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, standing and leaning against the sink. Buffy, with a mug, tells her she could try sitting and eating, just for a change. Dawn smirks and slurps some milk very loudly. Xander walks in the front door, pausing just inside, looking very uncomfortable. Buffy, in the kitchen, hears the door open and calls out to him that they’re in the kitchen and yes, Dawn is ready to go, with a glare at Dawn. Xander takes a deep breath, and walks to the kitchen.

Opening credits

In the kitchen, Buffy tells Dawn to hurry up, the kitchen and all its wondrous foods will be there when she gets home from school. Dawn starts a quip, when Xander comes in. He looks so preoccupied, it actually stops Dawn’s quip. She and Buffy look at him with concern, and Dawn says he looks like he seriously got up on the wrong side of the bed. Buffy asks him if he’s okay. He starts to say something, stops, then says he just hasn’t been sleeping well. Dawn tells him to look into naps, they’re remarkably refreshing, as she leaves to get her stuff. Buffy looks closely at Xander, which seems to make him more uncomfortable. She asks him if there’s anything he needs to talk about, he says no, just the bad sleepy time, and follows after Dawn. Buffy looks worried, slightly confused, as she follows after them.

At Xander’s apartment, we see Spike’s back, shirtless, rummaging in the fridge. Suddenly Andrew appears behind him, startling Spike, asking if there’s any orange juice left, he wrote it on the list, and it was Xander’s turn to get the groceries, and has he left for work yet, because he wants to tell him to be more careful with his Episode 2 DVD, it had smudges on it. Spike turns around glaring at him and holding a container of blood, and interrupts him, saying he doesn’t know or care if there’s any orange juice since he doesn’t drink the bloody stuff anyway, yes he left for work, and if he hears one more thing about bloody stupid Star Wars, he’s going to eat both of them, after he breaks their faces a little first. Andrew says, “Someone needs a nap…” as Spike shoulders past him, back to his room, mumbling “Can’t believe I ever agreed to live with these two losers… Slayer could have had the decency to keep Geek the Second at her place….” then slams his door.

Xander’s in his car again, still looking preoccupied. He pulls up to our favorite outdoor coffee shop, where we can see Willow sitting at a table alone. She waves to him as he crosses the street. As he gets closer, she sees his look and gets concerned. When he’s at the table, she asks him what’s wrong. He seems startled for a moment, then smiles and says he just didn’t sleep well, no big. She looks relieved, then thanks him for meeting her before he goes to work, they haven’t had good quality bonding time in a while. He says, “Again, no big. What’s up?” A waitress approaches, he orders coffee, she leaves, and Willow says, “By the way, have I told you recently that you look great?” Xander smiles and says no, not recently, but thanks anyway. She says all that time he spent at the gym over the summer really paid off, he looks amazing. He smiles again, and she says, “Really, if I wasn’t all still with the gay, I might just get a crush on you again!” Xander smiles, gets a kind of distant look on his face, then abruptly asks her how her classes are going. She starts to tell him, as he sips his coffee and looks distracted.

Commercial-Go to Wendy’s, buy a Monterey Ranch Chicken Sandwich, you’ll thank me later.

It’s later that evening, back at Xander’s apartment. Xander sits at his kitchen table, with some papers spread out in front of him which he’s staring at. In the other room, we can hear Andrew explaining how Anakin isn’t really evil yet, but that will happen in Episode 3, and he’s never totally evil anyway, and Spike retorts “How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t understand a word of your geek-speak, so stop wasting your breath?” as he walks into the kitchen. As he comes in, Xander grabs at the papers, trying to organize them and not let Spike see what they are. Spike glances at them, then at Xander and says, “Alright, we all know you’re not my most favorite person in the world, but all this moping and pouting has got to stop. What the hell’s wrong with you?” Xander tells Spike to mind his own business as he grabs the papers and starts to leave the room. Spike steps in front of him and says he doesn’t have to tell him, but whatever it is, maybe he can help, then says “God, did I just offer to help…”. Xander starts to say something, probably snarky, then stops himself. He sits back down at the table, puts the papers down and says, “I’ve been offered a new job. Well, a promotion, really.”

Spike-That’s great news, Harris…So why all the pouty and the mopey?

Xander-(after a pause) It’s not in Sunnydale…It’s not even in California. It’s in Boulder. Colorado. Which is like three states away. They’re just waiting for me to let them know and sign the new contract…

Spike-Whoa. That’s…whoa. I guess you haven’t told them yet?

Xander-Nope. I haven’t really decided yet. I mean, it’s a great job, a huge step up for me, more money, everything. It’s just…

Spike-What’s the issue here, exactly? Do you want this job?

Xander-Yes, but…it would mean leaving. Everything. Every ONE. Willow, Dawn…Buffy…I’ve been here, with them, for years. They’re my best friends. No, they’re my family. And after everything we’ve been through, all the apocalypse-i (pro. eye) we’ve averted, I just don’t know. I really want this job, but it would mean not being a Scooby anymore. Not staking vamps and vanquishing demons and splitting into two me’s and generally saving the world. I just…

Spike-Well what do the others say?

Xander-I…haven’t told them about the job yet.

Spike-Wait. You’re telling me I’m the first person you’ve told? The only person? I’m who you’re confiding in?!

Xander-Don’t get too excited, you were here, I needed to tell someone, and Andrew’s a little preoccupied with geeking out at the moment, so…

Spike-Bloody brilliant! Now I have to give you advice or something.

Xander-Just forget it. I’ll figure it out on my own.

Spike-Wait. Look, I’m sorry, it’s just, well, we’re not really pals. But we’ve seen a lot, so I guess the least I can do is give you a spot of advice. So, I say…take the job. You have a chance to have a normal life, take it. They’ll miss you, hell, I’ll probably miss you in my own I-don’t-really-like-you way, but you should go. I mean, it’s not like we can’t go on without you here.

Xander-(visibly upset) Right, of course. You don’t need me.

Spike-Bollocks, look, that’s not what I meant. I just…

Xander-It’s fine, I know what you meant. Thanks for the advice.

And with that, he takes his papers and leaves the kitchen, leaving Spike alone and cursing under his breath.

Later, Xander is in his bed, tossing and turning. Flashes of images pop up, clearly from his dreams. All the images are very quick, we can barely see any of them. Most are impossible to make out. We can make out, all very quick, Willow smiling, looking as she did in the first season; Dawn, sitting at the table when he made his speech last season to her; Buffy, fighting some vamps; Anya, wearing her wedding dress; Giles, reading a book aloud; Spike, smoking and talking; Faith, coming on to him in her hotel room; and Andrew, tied to a chair. Intercut with these, Xander continues to toss and turn, more and more agitated. More images appear, faster and faster, people we don’t recognize, the old high school, it’s destruction, the new high school, various vamps and demons, Dark Willow, trying to end the world on the cliff, the Scoobies, more and more images, until finally Xander jerks awake, panting and sweating. He looks terrified and confused.

Commercial-Buy stuff.

It’s night out, in one of Sunnydale’s many cemeteries. Sounds of fighting are heard. Buffy is pounding on a couple of vamps, basically kicking their butts. Suddenly, Kennedy rolls into view, literally. She’s been knocked down by another vamp, currently charging out of the bushes at her. She jumps up and starts back into the fight again. Nearby, Spike is also beating on a vamp. He dusts it, and runs to help…Kennedy! He tackles her vamp, wrestles with it, and yanks it up so she can dust it. Meanwhile Buffy has dusted one of her vamps and is struggling with the other one. Spike and Kennedy start towards her to help, when suddenly an arrow appears in the vamp’s chest, and it quickly turns to dust. All three turn to see Xander, standing a short distance away. He looks neutral, neither pleased that he killed a vamp or worried that he interfered. They start towards him as Buffy asks what he’s doing there. He shrugs, says he just wanted to see if going out on patrol is the same as it used to be. Buffy tells him he could have been hurt or killed. He snaps, “Well, I wasn’t, was I?” then turns and starts to walk away. Buffy goes after him, asking him “What’s your problem? You know patrol is dangerous, you don’t even come with me anymore, why would you…”

Xander interrupts her, telling her very calmly that he’s sorry if he worried her, it was just one of those spur of the moment things, it won’t happen again. He pulls away from her and walks quickly away. Spike and Kennedy catch up to where Buffy is standing, now looking very concerned. Kennedy asks what that was all about, Buffy says she doesn’t know, but she’s worried about him. Buffy turns to Spike and says “You live with him, has he been acting weird lately? Mentioned anything about turning into a complete jerk?” A close-up of Spike shows him debating something. He starts to say something, closes his mouth, then says “I dunno what’s wrong with him,” then he pulls out a cigarette, lights it and turns away from the girls, bothered by his decision. Buffy says that there’s obviously something wrong with him, and she’s going to cut patrol short tonight so she can find out. She leaves, saying she’s going home to talk to Willow and Dawn; Kennedy goes with her. Buffy asks Spike to go to his home and see if Xander is there, and try to find out what’s wrong with him. Spike nods, and they leave him there, alone, smoking.

Cut to Xander’s apartment. He walks in, very agitated, slamming the door behind him. Andrew comes out of the kitchen, wearing his apron. He asks Xander what’s wrong. Xander snaps at him that nothing is wrong, he’s just stressed, and he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in days. Andrew says he knows, he’s heard him tossing and turning every night this week.

Andrew-Bad dreams?

Xander-Something like that.

Andrew-They’re not evil dreams, are they? Because we definitely don’t want anyone having those. Usually it means something evil is going to happen.

Xander-No, they’re not evil dreams. They’re just…weird. Like there’s something in me that’s trying to come out, something important. Almost like someone’s trying to tell me something…

Andrew-Do you have a demon in you? Because if you do, we should probably tell Buffy. She’s our leader and all.

Xander-(angry) We’re not telling her anything! (more calm) It’s not that important. And it’s not a demon. It’s just…something…Look, I’m going to bed, maybe I’ll get some real sleep tonight. Keep it down, allright?

Andrew-Sure! I was just making peanut butter cookies. I can make them quiet.

Xander-Thanks…(as he leaves) Peanut butter?

Andrew-Yup.

Xander-Save me some.

Andrew-Can do!

Xander leaves Andrew baking in the kitchen. He stops by the phone and sees the answering machine light blinking. He looks towards the kitchen, turns the volume down and presses play, and we hear a woman’s voice say they’re still waiting to hear back from him, and could he call them or come by this week to tell them his decision. He looks uncomfortable from the message. He deletes it and goes to his room. He lies down on his bed, and is asleep almost immediately.

Cut to the Summers home, where Anya and Giles are arguing. She thinks they should reopen the Magic Box immediately, but Giles wants to wait a little longer. He wants to have more time to gather books and merchandise, so they have a good stock in place. Dawn and Willow come in, talking excitedly about the movie they just saw. Willow asks what’s going on, and Anya starts to explain how Giles is trying to control her store again, when Buffy comes in and tells everyone to chill out. Then she asks if anyone has talked to Xander lately. Everyone nods and says they talked to him earlier or yesterday, when Buffy interrupts and asks if anyone has really talked to him. They all stop and think. Anya says they had an in-depth conversation regarding the current state of the weather, to which Dawn says, “I don’t think that’s what she meant.”

Cut back to Xander, tossing and turning in his sleep. He awakes abruptly, sweating and breathing hard. He gets up, goes to the bathroom and splashes some water on his face. As he looks at his dripping reflection, he looks lost. He wipes his face on a towel, shuts off the light, and goes to the living room. He grabs his jacket and leaves out the front door. A moment later, he comes back, goes into the kitchen, and comes back out eating a cookie, then he leaves again.

Commercial-Buy more stuff.

In Buffy’s kitchen, she sits with Willow, talking about Xander. Buffy tells her that it’s not like he’s totally different, like when he was two Xanders, but there’s something going on with him, like he’s keeping something from them. Willow says he seemed a little distant when they had coffee, but he said it was just because he slept badly. Buffy asks her if he mentioned anything specific, like a vision of a creature or something. Willow says no and asks why. Buffy says she saw a strange creature in her dreams recently, and she thought that maybe it had moved on to Xander. Willow looks a little hurt, saying that she hadn’t told her about this. Buffy says she told Giles about it, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Willow still looks hurt, but says again that he didn’t mention any creatures. Buffy says she wants to talk to him, because she has a feeling something is wrong with him, and she gets up to leave. Willow gets up to go with her, but Buffy stops her and asks her to stay there, in case he comes by. Again, Willow looks hurt, but she agrees, as Buffy leaves.

Cut to a seedy looking bar. Xander sits at the bar, nursing a glass of what looks like whiskey. He doesn’t look drunk, but this isn’t his first drink either. He looks lost, a little sad. He finishes the drink in one gulp and orders another, when a female voice behind him asks, “Is this stool taken?” Xander turns to see Faith standing behind him. He tilts his head towards the stool next to him, and she sits down and orders “Whatever he’s having.” The bartender brings two glasses and sets them down. Xander grabs his and looks straight ahead, not at Faith. She sips hers, shakes her head slightly and smiles in appreciation, and says she never took him for the whiskey type. He shrugs and takes a sip.

Faith-So, what’s going on with you?

Xander-(shrugs)

Faith-What’s up, lose your voice or something?

Xander-No.

Faith-He speaks! Praise all that is holy!

Xander-I change my mind, that stool isn’t free, so if you don’t mind vacating it…

Faith-No can do, big guy. I’ve already left an impression in it, so it’s mine. So, what has Mr. Xander Harris out drinking on a school night?

Xander-I’m not in school. And it’s none of your business.

Faith-OK, cool it. Just trying to make conversation. You looked like something was bugging you, and stupid me, I thought I’d offer to listen.

She starts to get up, but he grabs her arm.

Xander-Wait. I’m sorry. Stay. I mean, please.

Faith-(sitting) Sure. So. Anything wrong, or are you just drinking alone in a crappy bar for funsies?

Xander-I’m…having some job trouble. They want to promote…a guy I work with. And he doesn’t know whether he wants to take it or not. It would mean a huge upheaval in his life, and for the rest of us. He kind of unburdened himself to me, so now I guess I’m unburdening to you. Pass the burden, if you will…

Faith-Look, you shouldn’t let some other guy’s problems get to you. He takes the job, he doesn’t take the job. Worry about yourself, not other people.

Xander-But it affects other people…

Faith-So what? Look, I’m not saying just blow everyone off and do whatever you want, but you gotta learn to put yourself first. At least some of the time. Put others first sometimes too, but only when it’s the right time. I don’t think that makes as much sense as I was hoping it would…

Xander-No, it does. Thanks.

Cut to Buffy, knocking on Xander’s door. She knocks repeatedly, getting agitated. Finally, Andrew opens the door, looking very unawake and confused. Buffy asks to come in, saying she wants to see Xander. Andrew asks why, and she says because she’s worried about him. Andrew says that’s very nice, but he’s not home. He left an hour or so ago. She asks where he went, and Andrew says he doesn’t know, he just heard him leave. He asks if there’s something wrong, and Buffy says she doesn’t think so. She leaves Andrew even more confused in the living room to go look for Xander.

Back at the bar, both are still nursing drinks.

Faith-Sure. (pause) Um, listen, I kinda need to tell you something, too.

Xander-OK.

Faith-Well, I’m trying to straighten out, get myself together and fully functional again, back to full five by five, ya know?

Xander-OK…

Faith-Anyway, part of that is taking responsibility for my past. And my past includes you. So I just want to say…I need to say…I’m sorry.

Xander-For what?

Faith-For screwing you and blowing you off and almost killing you and hurting your friends and just generally being insane.

Xander-Oh. Right. Well…apology accepted, I guess.

Faith-Cool.

Xander-(finishing his drink) Look, I’m gonna go home. Thanks for the talk.

Faith-Sure. And I meant what I said. Don’t worry so much about other people. Take care of yourself for a change.

Xander-Yeah. See ya.

Xander puts some cash on the bar and leaves Faith sitting there, looking lost herself.

Xander is walking down the street, when he hears footsteps behind him. He tenses and starts walking faster. He turns a corner, looking around for something to use as a weapon, when he hears a voice say “You know, if I was a vamp, you would so be a snack right now.” Xander turns to see Buffy, standing a short distance behind him, smiling at him. He says that’s probably true, but since she’s not, he’s not, then he turns and starts walking again. She catches up to him and walks next to him and says she’s noticed he’s been acting strange lately. He says “Really? Because we’ve hardly seen each other recently.” She looks slightly disturbed at that, then says that’s true, but when she has seen him, he’s seemed strange. She asks him if there’s something going on with him, and he says “Same as usual.” She grabs his arm to stop him and says there’s obviously something wrong with him, and would he please stop being a jerk and just tell her what it is, when another voice says, “Yeah, tell her what’s wrong quick, so I can start eating both of you!” They turn to see a big, punk looking vamp standing a short distance away. Buffy shoves Xander out of the way as the vamp charges them. She starts fighting it, throwing punches and kicks at it. The vamp doesn’t seem fazed by her attempts, and periodically tosses her away. Xander gets up and charges the vamp himself, and gets tossed for his troubles. Buffy gets up and tells him to get out of there, she can handle it herself. She struggles with the vamp a little longer, but her speed and agility are more than a match for it. She finally dusts it, and turns to Xander, saying his name, but he’s gone. She says, “He actually did what I told him to do. He left…I can’t believe he left…”

Commercial-Please buy this stuff.

Xander is back at his apartment. He opens the door and goes in, to find Willow sitting on the couch. She stands when he comes in.

Xander-Willow, what are you doing here? It’s like 4 in the morning…

Willow-I know. Andrew let me in. He was pretty pissed. Apparently Buffy woke him up a while ago too, looking for you.

Xander-Yeah, she found me, she told me to leave, I left…

Willow-Xander, what’s wrong? You’ve been snapping at people, acting all distant, Buffy says you went on patrol without asking her…

Xander-I didn’t know I needed her permission!

Willow-(soothing) That’s what I mean. What are you so angry about? Is it Buffy? Did she say something to you?

Xander-No, no, it’s not Buffy…

Willow-Well what is it then? Are you okay?

Xander-Yes…No…I’m…I…got a job offer.

Willow-That’s good, right?

Xander-I don’t know. I mean, yes. I…It’s a promotion. They want to send me to Colorado.

Willow-Oh. They do?

Xander-Yeah. It’s more money, more responsibility. It’s a huge step up. If I take it.

Willow-(a little excited) So you’re not taking it?

Xander-I don’t know, Will. I’ve been thinking about this for days. At first, I was sure I wouldn’t take the job. I thought I needed to stay here, with you guys. You’re my family, I love you. But then Spike said…

Willow-Wait, you told Spike and you didn’t tell me?

Xander-It just happened, Will. He was here, I needed to tell someone, the timing was right. It doesn’t mean anything. We’re not friends now.

Willow-Oh. Well good. Why are you listening to anything Spike says anyway? Since when does that happen?

Xander-Since what he says makes sense. You guys don’t need me. I went on patrol to prove him wrong. I thought, if I could do something useful, everyone would realize…but he was right. Buffy told me to leave, even when I killed a vamp. She didn’t even notice. I’m just this big dumb kid to her.

Willow-No, I’m sure that’s not…

Xander-And then I ran into Faith tonight, and she said I should worry about myself for a change. So I am. I’m going to do what’s right for me. I’m not needed here, so I’m going to go somewhere where I am, where I’ll be appreciated. Where I matter.

Willow-Xander, you do matter. You know that. We love you…

Xander-Will, it’s not about love. I know you guys love me, and I love you, but I don’t have a purpose here. I drive Dawn and Buffy to school, I go to work, I pick them up, I come home. I don’t do any magic, I don’t have any powers, I’m not even the funny one anymore! Andrew has taken care of that role! I just…I’ve been hanging onto the coattails of everyone else for too long. I said once that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s butt-monkey anymore, but I have been. I’ve been yours, and Buffy’s and Giles’ and Spike’s and everyone’s. This time I’m really not going to do it anymore. I’m taking the job. I’m leaving.

Willow-Can I say something now? Xander, I know how you feel. I know, how can I with all my powers and everything. But I do. I know what it feels like to not have a purpose, or to feel like you don’t. Sometimes I feel like all I’m good for is spells and research. Like no one even cares what I want to do. And maybe I do want to do spells and research, but no one asks me anymore. They just know that’s my job. You have a job too. Maybe we don’t ask you to do it outright. Maybe it’s not as clear as the rest of us, but it’s there. We need you, Xander. We need you to remind us who we’re fighting for. We need someone who doesn’t have super strength or magic or a background in living as a demon so we remember that we’re human, too. You keep us grounded, Xander.

Off screen, a voice says, “She’s right.” Buffy stands in the doorway. She comes into the room.

Buffy-Xander, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel useless. I would never do that to you on purpose, you know that.

Xander-Buffy…

Buffy-Willow’s right. We do need you. I need you. You matter, Xander. Even though it may not seem that way a lot, I count on you. Your perspective is just as important as everyone else’s. You’re the voice of humanity for me.

Xander-Thanks.

Buffy-And also, Andrew hasn’t replaced you as the funny one. I think of him more as your partner in hilarity.

Xander laughs

Willow-I think of him more as the supplier of baked goods, actually.

All three laugh, as the camera starts to pull back

Xander-He does make a mean peanut butter cookie.

Buffy-You’re a mean peanut butter cookie.

Xander-(laughing) What does that mean?

Buffy-(laughing) I don’t know!

Willow-(laughing) I’d say it sounded good at the time, but it really didn’t!

More laughter.

Screen to black.

End credits.

Grr. Argh.

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