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Date Posted: 03:33:00 04/04/03 Fri
Author: The Latin Lover
Subject: Juno is So Off Broadway

*** The scene fades in on The Latin Lover...



Yeah,that's him. RWF's recently defeated BUT STILL RWF World Champion,THEE Latin Lover. Shit,let's look at another picture!



(NOTE : HE AINT WEARING HIS FUCHSIA SUIT IN THESE PICS SO DEAL WITH IT)

Okay,the scene fades on him entering one of Juno's few way-off Broadway theatres. Today,Double L is wearing a smashing fuchsia armani suit,very loud indeed! Covering his eyes are none other than his J-Lo style fuchsia shades,STYLE PEOPLE! Always smiling and always brimming with confidence,Double L hands the ticket stub over to the usher-et while he half yells out. ***

Latin Lover
That's right baby,whoo! Juno's own,Latin LOVAH in dah house! That's what I'm talking about baby,WHOO! Here you go honey...

*** Smacks the usher-et in the ass ***

LL
Oh...Hope I didn't hit you too hard there...Even so...(laughs) You loved it anyway YOU FREAK!!!

*** Double L bends slightly,puts his finger in his mouth and then touches his ass. ***

LL
SSSHHHHHHHHH!! Whoo baby I'm hot tonight! Uumm...Excuse me but where can I find the bar? I need to get me a little somethin' somethin'. Ha Ha!

*** The usher-et gives Double L a funny look before pointing towards the direction of the bar. Double L goes to smack her ass again as she turns around but she dodges quickly. Double L stops in mid-swing. Just then,a lovely young woman walks towards Double L as he himself is walking towards the bar. ***

Lovely Young Woman
Excuse me sir but we need to talk.

*** The Latin Lover turns around and looks at her,he then looks into the camera and winks. ***

LL
Oh look a lovely young woman. Hiyah honey...(click click finger gun pointing thing)

Woman
Excuse me sir but we've gotten several complaints about you. I've been told that you're acting un-rulely and you've it the usher standing over there. (points)

LL
Baby I'm not being rude,I'm having a good time you know. That's what I'm here for right,to have a good time?

Woman
Yes sir,your purpose here is for entertainment but can we please be civilized about it? There's no need for this rude behavior...

LL
Hun,you're being rude to me for even considering me being rude to them. Do you know who I am?

*** A man is walking by that Double L stops and asks. ***

LL
Excuse me sir but do you know who I am?

Man
Not a damn clue bud now please un-hand me.

LL
Alright alright..jeez! Buddy your wife's supposed to wear the panties not you.

Woman
Do you see what I'm saying? This is the kind of behavior I've been told about. Please,sir,I implore you. Tone it down or I'll be forced to have you ejected from this theatre.

LL
Yeah yeah,all right. I'll calm my butt down...

Woman
Thank you.

LL
You're welcome...

*** The lovely young lady walks away and begins helping an elderly woman up a flight of steps. Double L then says in a low tone. ***

LL
Hah...eject this bitch! Do you see what I'm saying...What kind of stupid remark is that? How on god's green earth am I supposed to see what she's saying? Like...The fuckin' words are coming out in solid matter out her mouth? Jesus,the bitch should have...

*** A sharply dressed man stops aside Double L and asks. ***

Tuxedo Man
Excuse me son...Is everything ok?

LL
Yeah yeah papi,everything's fine...

Tuxedo Man
You sure? I've been standing right over there for the last 30 seconds and you've been mumbling to yourself. It's not healthy my boy...

LL
Excuse me pops...Do you know who I am?

Tuxedo Man
Actually you do look a bit familiar. Are you that mambo-mouth guy?

LL
Great...No I'm not that mambo-mouth guy. I'm the guy that's making your stupid city that much better!

Tuxedo Man
I'm sorry but I'm not following. Are you the mayors son?

LL
Papi,look. I'm not mambo-mouth and I'm not the mayors son. Listen...I'm going to get something to drink. You go back over there and wait for whatever it is you're waiting for...ok?!

Tuxedo Man
How rude!

LL
Rude?...Rude! Old man I...UURRGG!!!

*** Latin Lover walks away from the man and heads towards the bar. He approaches the bar and begins scratching his goa-tee. ***

Bartender
Hello...What would you like sir?

LL
Hold up I'm thinking...

Bartender
Yes,ofcoarse sir...

LL
Tell me my pre-pubescent friend. What do you recommend?

Bartender
Excuse me sir but I'm 24 years old.

LL
Who cares how old you are. I want YOU to recommend ME a drink. (smiles) Help me out will yah.

Bartender
Okay...hey...Now I remember you. You're that television guy...What's his name?

*** Double L looks at the camera and smiles. ***

LL
Come on kid,rack your brain. THINK!

Bartender
You're that guy who beat Zeke for the world title. You're...YOU'RE...

LL
The Latin Lover kid sorry but you don't get your cuppie-doll.

Bartender
That's right,you're Double L. Wow,I thought people like you didn't come to places like this.

LL
People...Like me? What are you saying kid? That Puerto Rican CAN'T afford tickets to way-off Broadway shows? Are you saying I'm cheap? Are you saying that wrestlers are dumb and we can't understand "the theatre"?

Bartender
No no,I'm not saying that...I'm...

LL
Then what are you saying then?

Bartender
I'm not saying anything! I'm just saying that I thought..you know..wrestler guys didn't come to see way-off Broadway stuff. Look it's nothing...

LL
No! You know what's nothing?!

*** The bartender shakes his head in fear. Double L smiles and points towards the bar counter. ***

LL
See there? That's nothing. Or in other words,there IS nothing there. How bout' you make something up. Come on kid I don't got all day.

*** The bartender looks around,he then begins making a drink. He grabs a couple of bottles,pours them into a small catering cup and then hands it to Double L and says. ***

Bartender
Eight dollars sir...

LL
Hold up...What is this?

Bartender
Well...I've made you a Mexican Deathwish.

*** Double puts his hand on his head and sigh. ***

LL
Kid...you've got to be the dumbest fuck I've ever met. First of all...I'm not Mexican. So how in heavens name do you think I'm gonna enjoy this crazy drink huh? Listen...make me another drink. I'll choose...dammit. Uumm..sex on the beach. Make me that guy,please. And make it quick.

*** The bartender sighs and makes Double L his drink within seconds. ***

LL
That's more like it. How much?

Bartender
Well...This one is eight dollars. You owe me 16 dollars all together.

LL
sixteen dollars?!!! Boy YOU fucked up the first one! My my,this is outrageous! I'll pay..Jesus I'll pay...

*** The bartender takes a twenty handed to him by Double L and makes change. He hands the change over to the Latin Lover. ***

LL
Thanks...and you better stop looking at me like that. I know what you want. You wanna tip right? Ok,I'll give you a tip. Don't fuck with mambo-mouth!

*** The scene fades out as Latin Lover snatches his drink quickly and spills about half of it. He walks away laughing like a madman while the bartender calls him an "asshole" under his breath. ***



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