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Date Posted: 08:55:53 04/04/03 Fri
Author: "Blitzkrieg" Brian Von Braun
Subject: Champion Profiling

Not every wrestler in the world is lucky enough to make the kind of money that a champion in the RWF does. And when that wrestler is the single "Blitzkrieg" Brian Von Braun, most of that income is expendable. It's a sunny spring day, and Brian is enjoying his brand new Cadillac Escalade as he drives down the street bumping "Brass Monkey" by the Beastie Boys. People walking around stop to wave as he drives by, and Brian waves back with a huge smile. Life is good, until... Cherry tops begin to spin and the siren of the cop car behind Brian lets out a few bleeps. "Oh Crap..." Brian pulls over to the side of the street and cuts the engine. Two overweight cops pull themselves out of the cruiser with some effort, the driver wiping some of the jelly from his donut off of the corner of his mouth. One cop approaches the driver's side window, while the other goes to the passenger side.

Officer 1: License and registration please...

Brian: Sure thing officer.

Brian pulls out his wallet and hands over his ID and temporary registration.

May I ask why you pulled me over?

Well, Mr. Von Braun, for one you're playing your music a little too loud.

The thumping bass of a passing car rattles the block as it drives by right after the cop makes that very statement.

What about him?

Look, we're the officers here, not you. You don't worry about other people, we're dealing with you right now.

Okay...

Officer 2: Are you smarting off son?

No sir, I...

Do you have any drugs, drug paraphenalia, weapons or anything else we should know about in the vehicle?

Other than the pound of crack in the glove compartment? Of course I don't!

Now you're smarting off.

Look, I have all the respect for the police, but this is ridiculous! I haven't done anything!

Do you mind if we search your vehicle?

YES I DO! This is harassment.

Sir, you could make this easier on yourself by just cooperating.

Fine, you can search my car. And when you don't find anything, I'd like to have your badge numbers.

That's not totally necessary sir. Wait a minute... You're that wrestler guy.

That's right, I'm the Traditional Champion in the RWF.

Hey Tom, this is the guy that Mackey is gonna wrestle.

Issat so? Well I feel sorry for you kid.

Why?

Vic's a total hardass. I've seen him make guys twice your size cry like little babies.

Well I beat a guy bigger than me last week. Besides, this is a wrestling match, not some interrogation in a back room at the station. I'll be fighting back, and I'm not afraid of him.

You should be buddy. You should be...

Look, am I under arrest?

No... But we'll be watching you.

It's nice to know that the cops are out watching the REAL criminals in this town. Thank you officer.

All right smartass, here's your license. Get out of here.

Brian takes his license and drives away as the cops stand there. One of them yells out, "I hope Vic kicks your ass you snot-nosed little punk!" Brian just shakes his head as he turns his music back up.

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