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Date Posted: 23:29:19 01/31/02 Thu
Author: Tristan
Subject: Just ask me, cause I know!
In reply to: Tia 's message, "About love" on 09:42:42 01/31/02 Thu

Tristan licked his fingertips carefully as he finished eating, doing his best to keep his eyes focused on Tia as she spoke. It made him feel awkward when she mentioned never having loved anyone the way he loved Marz. He got that funny feeling in his stomach, like something was whuffling softly, like he’d swallowed a couple butterflies or something. Kind of like the way he felt when Marz complimented him or told him he loved him.

His eyes did widen a little when she said she’d never been to bed with anyone before. Wow! That meant she was a virgin, just like he…oh, well, of course now he wasn’t a virgin any longer. No, now he was about as non-virginal as he could possibly be. Made him feel slightly ashamed of himself, sometimes, the way he was always looking at Marz and always wanting him now.

He shifted uncomfortably and hoped his face hadn’t changed colors. Why was she talking about this stuff, anyway? Nobody else ever talked to him about things like that. Duh he told himself, Because you asked her if she’d ever been in love, you little idiot!

Oh, yeah. Well, sure, he guessed he had asked her about it. Didn’t know things were going to be getting all personal like this, though. Suddenly, he felt smug, and realized he could actually give her advice on something! But when he actually stopped to imagine himself sitting her down and giving her tips on the finer points of intimacy, he almost choked on his own food. Yeah, okay, like that was going to happen!

His embarrassment passed quickly when she went on to say she’d been thinking about being with Rowan for her first time. Because she obviously liked the elf, Tristan kept his personal feelings about him to himself, but he couldn’t help privately sighing to himself when she claimed he apparently preferred more experienced women. See? he wanted to point out, The guy’s a real loser!

He brightened slightly when she mentioned Corum, though, after offering him a bit of wine. He took a few sips, frowning when she pointed out that the guy was probably more interested in pests and that damn skull of his than nice girls like Tia. What a dork, he thought, rolling his eyes. I’d bet all Marz’s money that he’s still a virgin, unless he gets it on with Yorik when nobody’s looking.

The thought was pretty gross, so he tried to push it aside as quickly as possible. Fortunately, Tia suddenly let loose with a whole barrage of questions about him and Marz. It wasn’t exactly the type of diversion he’d been looking for, and he froze like an idiot, halfway through chewing a piece of fish while he stared wide-eyed at her.

“Sorry,” she apologized, apparently realizing she’d overwhelmed him somewhat, “You don’t have to answer those if you don’t want to.” It was tempting when she offered to leave him alone and go pester Rowan. (Really, she was doting on the guy way too much, in his opinion. Who the hell cared whether he was wearing underpants or not?)

Not that he didn’t like talking to her, but it was taking everything he had not to curl up next to Marz on the floor right now and shower him with happy kisses. Naturally, there was no way in twelve hells he’d do a thing like that while she was here—but since he really didn’t want her to leave (and certainly not so she could go chase after that asshole of en elf) he'd keep his feelings to himself and try to answer her billion and one questions.

She really startled him when she offered him a cigarette, claiming that Jeremy had told her he could have it. Jeremy? Jeremy was giving him a gift? He thought maybe it was just a regular cigarette, but as soon as he lit it, he knew otherwise. It started to relax him immediately, which was kind of alarming, since he hadn’t realized he’d been nervous in the first place. Of course, he was still barely over the relief at Marz’s being okay. His heart still felt like it was going to fly right out of his chest, it was beating so hard.

“No, you can stay if you want,” he said, smiling slightly as he exhaled the too sweet smoke, making a hazy little cloud in the air for a few seconds. “I don’t get to talk to too many people besides him, anyway.” He liked the way he’d phrased that, like it wasn’t his fault or something. Like people didn’t want to talk to him. Yeah, he thought, it’s all their fault anyway. I’m a friendly person, hardly ever mean to them. Not my problem I’m so quiet.

Whoops, not quite what he meant. Oh, well, good thing it was all inside his head, anyway. He nodded to himself, altering between the cigarette and downing the rest of the java Tia had brought. He finished the java a lot quicker, and wasn’t so sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. Then he realized he didn’t really care one way or the other, so decided not to think about it anymore.

“And yeah, Marz was a gang leader, once.” He laughed lightly, almost bitterly. “He’s been a lot of things; that’s why he knows so much about so many things. When I met him he wasn’t into that, anymore, though; he was living at a tavern with Erlic.”

He puffed away thoughtfully for a while before going on. “I guess I thought he was kind of crazy when I first saw him. You know, he was always running around, getting into trouble and stuff. I thought he was just a big bully, really, but he seemed to take a liking to me almost immediately. That was just a few months ago, believe it or not.”

Slow down, Azulltris, you’re running your mouth off like an idiot. “We were just friends for a while,” he continued, oblivious to the warning in his head. “But I guess in a way…yeah, I sort of…felt something the first time we looked at each other.” He shook his head, starting to get confused. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure I started to fall in love with him a long time before we actually…” Finally, he blushed. “Well, you know. And it wasn’t the first time I’d been in love, but it was the first time it really mattered, I guess. It’s…complicated. Don’t ask.”

Suddenly, he felt more flustered than ever, and he felt his blush deepen all the way to his ears. “And you don’t have to feel so embarrassed about never having…you know. I mean, Marz, well, he was…well, he was sort of my first time, too.” But instead of turning even redder, he actually laughed, very lightly, almost a giggle, really. He didn’t mind the giddy feeling at all, but he did wish he could control his tongue more, though.

“So I don’t have lots of experience or anything, when it comes to that.” He lifted his head and pushed his hair out of his face, trying to give her a serious look. “It’s very important, the first time you do it. It’s more than just getting to do something you’ve never done before, and feeling like your tripping on something major while doing it. If you go to sleep with someone you don’t really love, it’s like you’re wasting it or whatever. You know, what you’ve got, you’ve only got it once, and it isn’t worth giving it to someone you don’t really care about it.”

His face was now a permanent shade of red, but the good thing was that he didn’t really give a damn. He took another drag from the cigarette and gave her a decisive nod. Let her chew on that for a while. Maybe she’d think twice about throwing herself in front of Rowan, and maybe, just maybe, Marz could go and have a talk with that turdface friend of his, while he could work on Tia, make her think Corum was definitely The One.

It was worth a try. He’d never force her into something she didn’t want, but he was pretty sure that once she got to know their kooky friend, she’d take a real liking to him. Plus, it’d be really cool, since Corum would finally have a girlfriend and wouldn’t be such a dweeb anymore. Haha, he wondered who would break the news to Yorik.

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