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Date Posted: 12:02:00 07/10/10 Sat
Author: 
debikm
Subject: Prompts, suggestions, and fodder for thought
Howdy folks, and welcome to this week's installment of Stuff To Write About! In this episode, we have two possible directions to take your writing, but no one says you can't choose both! Let's see what they are! Vanna, open Curtain Number One!
1. Curtain Number One: Boom! Boom! Out Go The Lights!- July 10 is Nikola Tesla's birthday, He was an important contributor to the birth of commercial electricity, and is best known for his many revolutionary developments in the field of electromagnetism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. With that in mind, let's find out what it was like BEFORE dear Nikola started the electrical ball rolling. Write a scene where your characters are in the dark, literally. There's a storm, they're out camping, at work and some constrction worker cuts into the main trunk line (BTDT). Show their reactions, what they do to fill the time while the power's out, pass the time until the sun rises. Happy Birthday Nikki! ;-)
2. Curtain Number Two: Line, please!- Please use the following line in a scene: "It would be best if you put that back where you found it."
Have fun and write lots!
Last edited by author: Sat July 10, 2010 17:50:23
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BOOM BOOM BOOM OUT GOES THE LIGHTS: An excerpt from REMEMBRANCE. Liner note: Sulien and Aiden are the same person. Sulien is from the medieval past and Aiden is in the present. Likewise with Tarrant and Tiernan. Enjoy! -- Page2, 15:28:42 07/11/10 Sun
Long ago, she tried to give him her heart but he had trampled it under foot then threw it back in her face. No…he would have to come to her now. Never did she want to feel that way again. If Aiden wanted her now then he better step up his game. He had no right to be mad that her and Tiernan were together. If he did, well that was his problem. As she walked she became more determined that Aiden would not bring her down. He’s probably not even aware that something happened between her and Tiernan anyways. I’m working myself up over nothing, she thought as she glanced out the window. The chances of him knowing were slim. A streak of lighting flashed across the dark stormy sky creating a sizzling sound as it moved. A shiver ran down her spine as a second arc appeared, dancing angrily in the sky then hitting the ground with a powerful punch, forcing the power to go out in the castle.
Ok Ari, don’t read more into it. It’s a storm…lightning always comes with the storms up here. With a hand outstretched in front of her as a feeler, she made her way to the stone wall. When her hand pressed up against something soft, she sent out a silent wish. Please, please, please tell me this is the wall. A bright arc danced again, lighting up the hallway confirming what she already knew. Aiden!
Oh hell, she thought as she saw the look on his face in the weak light. This was a look she remembered all too well. It was Sulien’s, ‘I know what you did and I am not happy’ look. Lightening flashed again, revealing another look at his face; lips pinched and his face hard. Hazel eyes had turned dark gray matching the storm clouds outside. The faint light from outside silhouetted his body which now stood as still as a statue in front of her. Oh god, he knew. Ari trembled. Tiernan and her hadn’t shielded their emotions and he had felt them. Dammit! Still, that didn’t give him the right to act like this and send her this coldness. What she did with her own life now, was her own choice. This wasn’t the medieval ages anymore. Women had rights…he couldn’t punish her now. So why then did she feel like a little child in front of him? Why was she so nervous?
Aiden stepped towards her and she took a large step backwards but found herself suddenly up against the stone wall. Overhead, thunder boomed loudly and another bolt of lighting zigzagged across the sky. Her body twitched at the suddenness of the light and sound. Sparks of light emanated through the glass revealing Aiden’s face; dark, wavy hair fell softly over one side making it appear soft, almost angelic-like. The other side was cold, hard; the one eye she could see was piercing. The corners of Aiden’s mouth turned upwards in an unsettling grin. What was he up to? Aiden’s quietness, stare and energy were disconcerting. A sense of déjà vu hit her. The two of them standing in exactly the same position; him with that look and her filled with unease.
In the past, she was Sulien and Tarrant’s charge. Since Sulien was the older of the two, any punishment that needed to be handed down to her was usually given by him, and boy he could dish it out; a stickler for the rules. Somehow he always seemed to know when she got herself into mischief. It hardly seemed fair, as the trouble she got into was usually created with Tarrant but he was never given any punishments. Damn the double standards! It hadn’t always been that way she remembered. When she had been disobedient as a small child all she had to do was smile or pout at Sulien’s stern face and he’d laugh - no punishment. As she got older though it was different, he said she must act like a lady. Punishment for her disobedience was necessary, even though it pained him to do it. Yeah sure it did, she didn’t see him offering to help her clean those awful chamber pots back then. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the memory. It had seemed that Sulien found disfavor with her often, and she was always on the receiving end of his infamous look. Back then the penetrating cold stare made her nervous; now being given by Aiden, it still did. Tense, she shifted her stance. If he would just say something, anything, instead of that look it might take off some of the edginess she was feeling right now. It was the unknown that made her anxious. Sulien had liked to see people squirm and she had a sneaking suspicion so did Aiden.
“Did you lose your way Ari? We’ve been waiting for your return.”
“Ahh umm,” she hedged. Stop fidgeting, speak. “No. I ahhh ran into Tiernan and then Owen. We talked.” No lie there, she thought. Ok Ari, flash one your smiles maybe he’ll see it.
“Really,” he said coldly. Liar! A large bolt of lightening screeched across the sky as he inched closer to her. Damn you both. I heard you. I felt your energies intertwine. Since he’d arrived at the castle his old power of being highly sensitive to other’s energies was coming quickly back to him. It surprised him at first, but it was becoming second nature now. In the past they had always been able to read each others thoughts too, unless they blocked, which they both knew how to do back then. Perhaps she doesn’t remember how too, he thought. Though, it doesn’t matter now, he definitely heard her earlier when she sensually whispered Tiernan’s name. It had rocked him to his core.
When Tiernan left the music room earlier with the ruse of having to use the loo he knew something was up. Gritting his teeth in anger, yeah, Tiernan’s dick was up. Bastard can’t keep it in his pants. He stood directly in front of her now. Guess it’s time to step up and play. Moving his arms up, he placed both his hands on the wall on either side of her shoulders. You’re trapped now Ari, he smiled devilishly. A plan formulated in his mind; he’d show her that he could play just as well as Tiernan. “So you just happened to run into Tiernan huh?”
Deep breaths Ari…deep, deep breaths. Why did he have to get so close? He’s never gotten this close. Ok, where is everyone? Owen! Somebody. Help! “Ahhh…ummm…well he… ahhh.” My god what was he doing with that strand of her hair between his fingers, she wondered. Her heart was racing. “Ummm Aiden what are you doing?”
“You have beautiful hair. It’s so soft.” Leaning his body in closer to hers, he moved his head towards her ear and breathed deeply. “I love your scent,” he said softly into her ear. “Your hair is like fine silk, smooth and seductive.” Letting go of her hair he took his index finger and very softly traced the outline of her jaw. “So soft,” he crooned as his finger sensuously glided across her chin, then up and down her neck in soft strokes.
Alarms went off in her head but she ignored them. For far too long she had wanted this; wished for it even. Every soft stroke across her skin sent waves of pulsating energy throughout her body. His touch was sweet torture. If this was Aiden’s idea of punishment, she’d take it.
“It’s odd,” he said stopping his touch abruptly.
“What is,” she murmured wishing he hadn’t.
“Tiernan.” He watched as she turned her head towards his and gave him a quizzical stare. “Well, it’s just that he said he was going to the loo but isn’t that in the opposite direction of the sitting room where you were?”
Oh crap! By the stare he was giving her, she knew he was back to that again. Ok let’s just clear the air right now. No more games tonight. “Alright Aiden, say what you need to say. Spill it.” She could feel his controlled energy radiating outward, and became annoyed. I’m not a child. What the hell was wrong with him? “Well, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
Was she serious? What’s wrong? Narrowing his eyes he gave a small chuckle then said dryly, “What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You lied.”
“Oh really.”
“Yes, really. I know what you and Tiernan were doing.”
How dare he assume. Anger began to swell inside her. “You know nothing Aiden. You’re making a wild assumption based on what? Your intuition. Give me a break.” She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.
“It wasn’t intuition. I felt your sexual energy rise. I heard you moan his name. Bloody hell…At least in the past you were nice enough to spare me the moans and groans.”
“That’s it,” she yelled throwing her arms up in disgusted frustration. “You know what Aiden…kiss my ass!” With a quick shove, she moved away from him and uttered, “Think what you want. You always do.”
Oh hell no. You aren’t walking away from me, he thought angrily as multiple lightning flashes appeared outside. Reaching out he grabbed one of her hands, pulled her roughly back towards him then up against the wall. Ari’s temper rose higher at the mistreatment, he could tell. She pushed back at him with her free hand but he caught that one too. How he loved it when she had that fire in her eyes. With both her hands held captive in his he pulled them high overhead. Emerald eyes narrowed at him; he smiled. Trying to escape his firm grasp Ari began to squirm and twist her body. The grinding movements excited him as did her energy. With his body against hers, he tilted his head just slightly towards her ear. “Ahhh Ari…Ari…Ari. Whatever am I going to do with you?”
With only one hand he pinned hers above her head. Try as she might, she couldn’t break free. The strength and power in which he held her was amazing; looking at him you’d never know how strong he truly was. Struggling again to break free of his firm hold, she fumed, “Let me go you prat.” Why doesn’t he let go? This is ridiculous and…frustrating. Not being able to move was irritating. Lightning flashed close by and she saw that he was smiling like the Cheshire cat. His eyes were no longer glaring but…there was something lurking there. Not anger but…The jerk loved this. He was enjoying her predicament and struggle. “Aiden. Let me go,” she demanded.
“Well now my Arienh you know I can’t do that. You’ve been very…” Pausing for a second he then moved his mouth very close to her ear and whispered softly, “naughty.”
Holy shit! Her eyes widened then shut. There was no mistaken the tone and timbre in his voice. With just one word her body came alive and was on fire. Was it possible to spontaneously combust? Gone was the anger and irritation from earlier. Frustration was still there but a different kind was building inside her. The beating of her heart had intensified. Could he hear it? His mouth was still at her ear and his breath was hot. Her heightened nerves were tingling at the sensation. Yes, she thought as his roughened fingers made their way softly over her skin. I’m going to explode. Try as she might she couldn’t form words to protest, but then, did she truly want to? She shook her head back and forth.
With a smile on his face he wondered if she knew how beautiful she looked right now. Every touch on her skin made her aura shimmer in bright light. Her energy was strong, full and washing over him. With a deep breath he leaned in again and inhaled her scent; a mixture of floral and spice. It was heaven to him. Control Aiden…control. “Are you claiming innocence?” When she nodded her head, he noticed how her emerald eyes sparkled in the faint light. Smiling, he leaned his head over again to her ear. “There’s something inside me my sweet Ari that says you’re not so innocent.” Cupping her chin between his thumb and index finger he held her head still. “Did he touch your lips Ari?” With his index finger he began a slow deliberate trace over her lips. Removing his finger he took the back of his hand and gently caressed her cheek. “Or was this what he did?”
The sound of his soft voice drove her to distraction; she couldn’t think…or breathe. This was torture; every touch brought her flame higher. In the past she had always wanted to feel his touch on her body but she could only imagine what it would feel like, and lord, it was nothing like this. His hand was moving toward her shoulder now. When did he undo her shirt? The roughness of his fingertips over her soft skin, sent shivers in and outside of her body. Aiden’s hands held magic like no other; he weaved his spell in every soft stroke and caress.
With just the slightest touch he skimmed his fingers to the hollow in her throat then began a feathery, sideways touch downwards until his fingers hit the start of her cleavage. “Did he make you tremble like this?” Making slow circles with his fingers he moved across her silk covered breast. It was evident to him she wore no bra under the camisole she wore as her hardened peaks were visible. “Did he touch you here?” He took a deep breath for more control as he began to trace around the stiff nipple. Her audible gasp made him desire her even more. “I bet you liked it...didn’t you? Do you like this?”
Lightening bolts hit her when he touched her breast. Pure energy rushed through her entire body; she wanted more, she craved it - needed it. His hardness was pressed against her hip. She moved her body and arched her hips so that she could feel him fully. Desire, passion, lust…it filled her entire being; she ached with need. With every pull on her nipple she pushed against him with her hips and he grew larger. The need to touch him, to rake her nails over Aiden’s skin was strong but he held her hands captive. Please, she screamed out in her mind knowing he would hear.
“Please,” he questioned softly in her ear. “Please what? Do you want me to stop?” He flicked his tongue across her lobe then slowly kissed the side of her neck several times. “Did he please you?” With soft kisses he worked his way up her throat then stopped. Staring deeply into her eyes he gently pinched her nipple and watched as she closed her eyes in sweet surrender. “My sweet Ari, when will you learn?” Her eyes were filled with passion as she thrust and pushed her hips up against him. He could take her here, right now, if he wanted. She’d let him and he wanted to but… This wasn’t how he wanted their first time to be. Now he understood why Tiernan was infatuated with her. The energy she sent out - her power was addicting. Removing his hand from her nipple he brought it up to join the other one that was still clasping hers. Tilting his head he took a deep breath. Gods he had to stop now if he didn’t...he looked down into her beautiful green eyes, the ones that had plagued him for centuries.
Amazingly gorgeous she thought as she stared up into his eyes. Tremors of his forceful energy pulsated into her hands. Lightning still danced and flashed outside creating light shadows in which to see him and he was devilishly angelic. The way his dark, wavy hair fell over his prominent cheekbones. His eyes penetrated into her very being, claiming once again her already captured soul. But now… Now he held her heart too. Leaning her head forward she moved so that her lips were barely grazing his. Watching his eyes she licked his lower lip with her tongue. She stopped then smiled when she felt his energy course through her like a vibratory hum. Once more she darted her tongue out and traced his upper lip. Where’s your control now Aiden, she thought as she felt him shiver in delight at her playfulness. One kiss Aiden, just one. Her lips barely grazed his when a loud crash followed by a scream was heard. They both jumped at the unexpectedness and moved apart.
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Re: BOOM BOOM BOOM OUT GOES THE LIGHTS: An excerpt from REMEMBRANCE. Liner note: Sulien and Aiden are the same person. Sulien is from the medieval past and Aiden is in the present. Likewise with Tarrant and Tiernan. Enjoy! -- debikm, 16:59:30 07/11/10 Sun
As always, take what of my suggestions you want and ignore the rest. And always have fun with it.
>Long ago, she tried to give him her heart but he had
>trampled it under foot then threw it back in her face.
> No…he would have to come to her now. Never did she
>want to feel that way again. If Aiden wanted her now
>then he better step up his game. He had no right to
>be mad that her word usage, 'she' works better. and Tiernan were together. If he did,
>well that was his problem. As she walked she became
>more determined that Aiden would not bring her down.
>He’s probably not even awareTense is unsure. 'He probably wasn't aware' is stronger. that something happened
>between her and Tiernan anyways. I’m working myself
>up over nothing, she thought as she glanced out the
>window. The chances of him knowing were slim.Repetitive. You just said this above, A
>streak of lighting flashed across the dark stormy sky
>creating a sizzling sound as it moved. I'm so guilty of this too. More words than neccessary. 'Lightning sizzled across the stormy sky' or something similar carries a sense of immediacy.', A shiver ran
>down her spine as a second arc appeared, dancing
>angrily in the sky then hitting the ground with a
>powerful punch, forcing the power to go out in the
>castle. Nice imagery. I can 'see' the lightning, almost like a fist, smacking the ground.
>
>Ok Ari, don’t read more into it. It’s a
>storm…lightning always comes with the storms up here.
> With a hand outstretched in front of her as a feeler,
>she made her way to the stone wall. When her hand
>pressed up against something soft, she sent out a
>silent wish. Please, please, please tell me this is
>the wall. A bright arc danced again, lighting up the
>hallway confirming what she already knew. Aiden!
>
>Oh hell, she thought as she saw the look on his face
>in the weak light.What look? A frown, a smirk, an enigmatic smile? Tell us! ;-) This was a look she remembered
>all too well. It was Sulien’s, ‘I know what you did
>and I am not happy’ look. Lightening flashed again,
>revealing another look at his face; lips pinched and
>his face hard. Like this. Nice image of his expression. Hazel eyes had turned dark gray
>matching the storm clouds outside. The faint light
>from outside silhouetted his body which now cut 'now' and beware of cliche phrases. Lots of things are still, depending on the situation. Ice, water, death are all pretty motionless. stood as
>still as a statue in front of her. Oh god, he knew.
>Ari trembled. Tiernan and her 'She'. When in doubt, remove the other person's name from the sentance and read it again to tell you which pronoun is correct.. hadn’t shielded their
>emotions and he had felt them. Dammit! Still, that
>didn’t give him the right to act like this and send
>her this coldness. What she did with her own life
>now, was her own choice. This wasn’t the medieval
>ages anymore. Women had rights…he couldn’t punish her
>now. So why then did she feel like a little child in
>front of him? Why was she so nervous? Old habits die hard, don't they?;-)
>
>Aiden stepped towards her and she took a large step
>backwards but found herself suddenly I'm not the adverb police but be aware of them. You can make a phrase stronger somtimes by finding other ways to word them. Maybe, 'Aiden took a step toward her and she stepped back, away from him, finding herself against the stone wall.' up against the
>stone wall. Overhead, thunder boomed loudly and
>another bolt of lighting zigzagged across the sky.
>Her body twitched at the suddenness of the light and
>sound. Sparks of light emanated through the glass
>revealing Aiden’s face; dark, wavy hair fell softly
>over one side making it appear soft, almost
>angelic-like Drop'-like'. Angelic stands well on it's own. The other side was cold, hard; the one
>eye she could see was piercing. The corners of
>Aiden’s mouth turned upwards Maybe 'twisted'? Foreshadows the unsettling nature perhaps? in an unsettling grin.
>What was he up to? Aiden’s quietness, stare and
>energy were disconcerting. A sense of déjà vu hit
>her. The two of them standing in exactly the same
>position; him with that look and her filled with
>unease. No need to describe it again; if she's feeling deja vu, we know they were in a similar pose or situation in the past.
>
>In the past, she was Sulien and Tarrant’s charge.
>Since Sulien was the older of the two, any punishment
>that needed to be handed down to her was usually given
>by him, and boy he could dish it out; a stickler for
>the rules. Somehow he always seemed to know when she
>got herself into mischief. It hardly seemed fair, as
>the trouble she got into was usually created with
>Tarrant but he was never given any punishments. Damn
>the double standards! It hadn’t always been that way
>she remembered.Maybe drop 'she remembered.' It reads stronger without it. When she had been disobedient as a
>small child all she had to do was smile or pout at
>Sulien’s stern face and he’d laugh - no punishment.
>As she got older though it was different, he said she
>must act like a lady. Punishment for her disobedience
>was necessary, even though it pained him to do it.
>Yeah sure it did, she didn’t see him offering to help
>her clean those awful chamber pots back then. She
>wrinkled her nose in disgust at the memory. It had
>seemed that Sulien found disfavor with her often, and
>she was always on the receiving end of his infamous
>look. Back then the penetrating cold stare made her
>nervous; now being given by Aiden, it still did.
>Tense, she shifted her stance. If he would just say
>something, anything, instead of that look it might
>take off some ofMaybe substitute 'ease' for 'take off some of'. the edginess she was feeling right
>now. It was the unknown that made her anxious.
>Sulien had liked to see people squirm and she had a
>sneaking suspicion so did Aiden.
>
>“Did you lose your way Ari? We’ve been waiting for
>your return.”
>
>“Ahh umm,” she hedged. Stop fidgeting, speak. “No.
>I ahhh ran into Tiernan and then Owen. We talked.”
>No lie there, she thought. Ok Ari, flash one your
>smiles maybe he’ll see it.
>
What follows is a switch to Sulien/Aiden's POV. If you've done it intentionally, it's good to signal your reader by putting in a break of a few lines or some visual clue so we know we're in someone else's head now.
>“Really,” he said coldly. Liar! A large bolt of
>lightening screeched across the sky as he inched
>closer to her. Damn you both. I heard you. I felt
>your energies intertwine. Is he saying or thinking this? It's a little unclear. Since he’d arrived at the
>castle his old power of being highly sensitive to
>other’s energies was coming quickly back to him. It
>surprised him at first, but it was becoming second
>nature now. In the past they had always been able to
>read each others thoughts too, unless they blocked,
>which they both knew how to do back then. Perhaps she
>doesn’t remember how too, he thought. Though, it
>doesn’t matter now, he definitely heard her earlier
>when she sensually whispered Tiernan’s name. It had
>rocked him to his core. I bet it did. But because he wants her too? Or because he's still ooks upon her as a child in his care? Inquiring minds want to know! ;-)
>
>When Tiernan left the music room earlier with the ruse
>of having to use the loo he knew something was up.
>Gritting his teeth in anger, yeah, Tiernan’s dick was
>up. Bastard can’t keep it in his pants. He stood
>directly in front of her now. Guess it’s time to step
>up and play. Moving his arms up, he placed both his
>hands on the wall on either side of her shoulders.
>You’re trapped now Ari,Speaking or thingking? he smiled devilishly. A plan
>formulated in his mind; he’d show her that he could
>play just as well as Tiernan. “So you just happened
>to run into Tiernan huh?”
>
POV switch again
>Deep breaths Ari…deep, deep breaths. Why did he have
>to get so close? He’s never gotten this close. Ok,
>where is everyone? Owen! Somebody. Help!
>“Ahhh…ummm…well he… ahhh.” My god what was he doing
>with that strand of her hair between his fingers, she
>wondered. Her heart was racing. “Ummm Aiden what
>are you doing?”
>
>“You have beautiful hair. It’s so soft.” Leaning his
>body in closer to hers, he moved his head towards her
>ear and breathed deeply. “I love your scent,” he
>said softly into her ear. “Your hair is like fine
>silk, smooth and seductive.” Letting go of her hair
>he took his index finger and very softly traced the
>outline of her jaw. “So soft,” he crooned as his
>finger sensuously glided across her chin, then up and
>down her neck in soft strokes. Ah, I see... he does want her. Ari's lucky and unlucky, all at once...;-)
>
>Alarms went off in her head but she ignored them. For
>far too long she had wanted this; wished for it even.
> Every soft stroke across her skin sent waves of
>pulsating energy throughout her body. His touch was
>sweet torture. If this was Aiden’s idea of
>punishment, she’d take it.
>
>“It’s odd,” he said stopping his touch abruptly.
>
>“What is,” she murmured wishing he hadn’t.
>
>“Tiernan.” He watched as she turned her head towards
>his and gave him a quizzical stare. “Well, it’s just
>that he said he was going to the loo but isn’t that in
>the opposite direction of the sitting room where you
>were?”
>
>Oh crap! By the stare he was giving her, she knew he
>was back to that again. Ok let’s just clear the air
>right now. No more games tonight. “Alright Aiden,
>say what you need to say. Spill it.” She could
>feel his controlled energy radiating outward, and
>became annoyed. I’m not a child. What the hell was
>wrong with him? “Well, are you going to tell me
>what’s wrong?”
>
>Was she serious? What’s wrong? Narrowing his eyes
>he gave a small chuckle then said dryly, “What’s
>wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You lied.”
>
>“Oh really.”
>
>“Yes, really. I know what you and Tiernan were
>doing.”
>
>How dare he assume. Anger began to swell inside her.
>“You know nothing Aiden. You’re making a wild
>assumption based on what? Your intuition. Give me a
>break.” She folded her arms across her chest and
>glared at him.
>
>“It wasn’t intuition. I felt your sexual energy rise.
> I heard you moan his name. Bloody hell…At least in
>the past you were nice enough to spare me the moans
>and groans.” Poor jealous boy...
>
>“That’s it,” she yelled throwing her arms up in
>disgusted frustration. “You know what Aiden…kiss my
>ass!” With a quick shove, she moved away from him and
>uttered, “Think what you want. You always do.”
>POV shift again
>Oh hell no. You aren’t walking away from me, he
>thought angrily as multiple lightning flashes appeared
>outside. Reaching out he grabbed one of her hands,
>pulled If you use a different word, like 'grabbed' or 'snatched', then you can avoid the use of the 'roughly' adverb. her roughly back towards him then up against
>the wall. Ari’s temper rose higher at the
>mistreatment, he could tell. She pushed back at him
>with her free hand but he caught that one too. How
>he loved it when she had that fire in her eyes. With
>both her hands held captive in his he pulled them high
>overhead. Emerald eyes narrowed at him; Her eyes are emerald? It's a little unclear. he smiled.
>Trying to escape his firm grasp Ari began to squirm
>and twist her body. The grinding movements excited
>him as did her energy. With his body against hers, he
>tilted his head just slightly towards her ear. “Ahhh
>Ari…Ari…Ari. Whatever am I going to do with you?”
>
>With only one hand he pinned hers above her head.
>Try as she might, she couldn’t break free. The
>strength and power in which he held her was amazing;
>looking at him you’d never know how strong he truly
>was.Describe his appearance and why his strength was surprising Struggling again to break free of his firm hold,
>she fumed, “Let me go you prat.” Why doesn’t he let
>go? This is ridiculous and…frustrating. Not being
>able to move was irritating. Lightning flashed close
>by and she saw that he was smiling like the Cheshire
>cat. His eyes were no longer glaring but…there was
>something lurking there. Not anger but…The jerk loved
>this. He was enjoying her predicament and struggle.
>“Aiden. Let me go,” she demanded.
>
>“Well now my Arienh you know I can’t do that. You’ve
>been very…” Pausing for a second he then moved his
>mouth very close to her ear and whispered softly,
>“naughty.”
>
>Holy shit! Her eyes widened then shut. There was
>no mistaken 'mistaking' the tone and timbre in his voice. With
>just one word her body came alive and was on fire.
>Was it possible to spontaneously combust? Gone was
>the anger and irritation from earlier. Frustration
>was still there but a different kind was building
>inside her. The beating of her heart had
>intensified. Could he hear it? His mouth was still
>at her ear and his breath was hot. Her heightened
>nerves were tingling at the sensation. Yes, she
>thought as his roughened fingers made their way softly
>over her skin. I’m going to explode. Try as she
>might she couldn’t form words to protest, but then,
>did she truly want to? I suspect not. Good images! She shook her head back and
>forth.
>
POV shift again
>With a smile on his face he wondered if she knew how
>beautiful she looked right now. Every touch on her
>skin made her aura shimmer in bright light. Her
>energy was strong, full and washing over him. With a
>deep breath he leaned in again and inhaled her scent;
>a mixture of floral and spice. It was heaven to him.
> Control Aiden…control. “Are you claiming
>innocence?” When she nodded her head, he noticed how
>her emerald eyes sparkled in the faint light.
>Smiling, he leaned his head over again to her ear.
>“There’s something inside me my sweet Ari that says
>you’re not so innocent.” Cupping her chin between
>his thumb and index finger he held her head still.
>“Did he touch your lips Ari?” With his index finger
>he began a slow deliberate trace over her lips.
>Removing his finger he took the back of his hand and
>gently caressed her cheek. “Or was this what he did?”
>
POV shift
>The sound of his soft voice drove her to distraction;
>she couldn’t think…or breathe. This was torture;
>every touch brought her flame higher. In the past
>she had always wanted to feel his touch on her body
>but she could only imagine what it would feel like,
>and lord, it was nothing like this. His hand was
>moving toward her shoulder now. When did he undo her
>shirt? The roughness of his fingertips over her soft
>skin, sent shivers in and outside of her body.
>Aiden’s hands held magic like no other; he weaved his
>spell in every soft stroke and caress.
>
POV
> With just the slightest touch he skimmed his fingers
>to the hollow in her throat then began a feathery,
>sideways touch downwards until his fingers hit the
>start of her cleavage. “Did he make you tremble
>like this?” Making slow circles with his fingers he
>moved across her silk covered breast. It was evident
>to him drop 'to him'. If we're in his POV we know who it's evident to.she wore no bra under the change 'the' to 'her' camisole she wore drop, 'she wore' as
>her hardened peaks were visible. “Did he touch you
>here?” He took a deep breath for more control as he
>began to trace around the stiff nipple. Her audible
>gasp made him desire her even more. “I bet you liked
>it...didn’t you? Do you like this?” I think she does!
>
POV
>Lightening bolts hit her when he touched her breast.
>Pure energy rushed through her entire body; she wanted
>more, she craved it - needed it. His hardness was
>pressed against her hip. She moved her body and
>arched her hips so that she could feel him fully.
>Desire, passion, lust…it filled her entire being; she
>ached with need. With every pull on her nipple she
>pushed against him with her hips and he grew larger.
>The need to touch him, to rake her nails over Aiden’s
>skin was strong but he held her hands captive.
>Please, she screamed out in her mind knowing he would
>hear.
>
POV
>“Please,” he questioned softly in her ear. “Please
>what? Do you want me to stop?” He flicked his
>tongue across her lobe then slowly kissed the side of
>her neck several times. “Did he please you?” With
>soft kisses he worked his way up her throat then
>stopped. Staring deeply into her eyes he gently
>pinched her nipple and watched as she closed her eyes
>in sweet surrender. “My sweet Ari, when will you
>learn?” Her eyes were filled with passion as she
>thrust and pushed her hips up against him. He could
>take her here, right now, if he wanted. She’d let him
>and he wanted to but… This wasn’t how he wanted their
>first time to be. Now he understood why Tiernan was
>infatuated with her. The energy she sent out - her
>power was addicting. Removing his hand from her
>nipple he brought it up to join the other one that was
>still clasping hers. Tilting his head he took a deep
>breath. Gods he had to stop now if he didn’t...he
>looked down into her beautiful green eyes, the ones
>that had plagued him for centuries.
>
POV
>Amazingly gorgeous she thought as she stared up into
>his eyes. Tremors of his forceful energy pulsated
>into her hands. Lightning still danced and flashed
>outside creating light shadows in which to see him and
>he was devilishly angelic.Nice contrasting image. The way his dark, wavy
>hair fell over his prominent cheekbones. His eyes
>penetrated into her very being, claiming once again
>her already captured soul. But now… Now he held her
>heart too. Leaning her head forward she moved so
>that her lips were barely grazing his. Watching his
>eyes she licked his lower lip with her tongue. She
>stopped then smiled when she felt his energy course
>through her like a vibratory hum. Once more she
>darted her tongue out and traced his upper lip.
>Where’s your control now Aiden, she thought as she
>felt him shiver in delight at her playfulness. One
>kiss Aiden, just one. Her lips barely grazed his
>when a loud crash followed by a scream was heard.
>They both jumped at the unexpectedness and moved apart.
I very much like the tension you built here. That they are almost obsessed with one another is clear. I suggest you choose a point of view and stay with it or write teh scene from one POV entirely and then write it again from the other. Might make it interesting, just how differently each one of them sees the same things. You've got a lot of nice imagery and emotion going here, I would just try to show more and tell less. I'm horrible at it myself, but have to remind myself with every sentance to do it. A suggestion given to me once was to involve at least three of teh five senses, and these characters have a sixth: their awareness of one another through their close link. Play weith that and show us what they see and feel on all those levels. This has the makings of a fabulous story and I'm anxio0usly awaiting the next installment!
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Okay, I've been trying for weeks to write something for Option #1. It sounds so fun! But nothing doing in the creativity department, darn it. So I'm going with Option #2. Carol Merrill, show us what's behind door number two! >>>>> -- Page, 23:00:53 07/22/10 Thu
(Yes, I realize Carol Merrill was way before Vanna's time, but hey. I'm old. *snerk*)
Excerpt from working title Royal Orleans
©2010 by Juli Page Morgan
Posted for purposes of critique only and does not constitute publication
Now Sherry knew just how Alice must have felt when she tumbled down that rabbit hole into Wonderland. Not that Geoff’s house was anything like a rabbit hole, but it could probably give Wonderland a run for its money.
There was a hookah prominently displayed on the piano, missing only a caterpillar to complete the picture. The only thing absent from the row of antique bottles on the bookshelf was a little sign reading “Drink Me.” The Mad Hatter and his friends would have felt right at home around that funky dining table. And, of course, there was the lunatic Queen of Hearts; only Geoff’s housekeeper Cora seemed to be a bit more aggressive than the Queen. Sherry kept expecting the crazy bitch to rush in screaming “Off with her head!” at any minute. And the woman had access to all the kitchen knives.
Well, that was a cheery little thought to have, especially now that Geoff had left her alone while he went to pick up Xander. Cora had been pleasant and accommodating when Geoff was with Sherry, but the brief period that afternoon the two women had been alone in the kitchen had left Sherry shaking.
“You know you’re nothing special, don’t you?” Cora had sneered. “Just another of his little playthings.”
Already unnerved by the roller-coaster emotions she’d felt at Michael’s funeral and the aftermath when she and Geoff had returned home, Sherry could only stare at the older woman.
“I’ll tell you something else, you little American bitch,” Cora continued in a low snarl. “I’ve been here a lot longer than any of you sluts, and I’ll be here when you’re gone.” An unpleasant smile twisted her lips. “And if he doesn’t get rid of you quick enough to suit me, then I don’t have a problem getting rid of you myself.”
The implicit threat broke through Sherry’s confusion, and she’d fled the kitchen the way Alice had fled the Queen’s guard. She’d said nothing to Geoff; what could she say, after all? “Hey, honey? Your housekeeper all but threatened to kill me if I don’t stop sleeping with you.” Yeah, that would go over well. She just kept clinging to the thought that they’d be going back to New Orleans the next day and leaving Crazy Cora in London to rule Geoff’s roost.
Casting nervous glances over her shoulder, Sherry slunk out of the living room and into the room Geoff used as an office. She pulled the door halfway closed, hoping the housekeeper wouldn’t think to look for her there.
The light from the small lamp on the desktop sparkled on a round, crystal paperweight and reflected a bright prism on the wall. Sherry put her hand between the lamp and the paperweight and watched as her hand seemed to acquire a rainbow tattoo. The smooth surface of the crystal beckoned her, and she picked it up, marveling at its weight. If Cora did discover her hiding place, Sherry supposed the crystal would make a decent weapon.
With a snort of derision – like she could ever bash someone in the head with a paperweight! – she meandered across the room, her fingers idly stroking the satin-feeling rock. Framed gold records covered most of one wall, and she stopped to read the plaques affixed to them. The majority were White Heather records, but Sherry was pleased to see two from Geoff’s solo effort; one for the album and one for “Roadside Blues,” the single that had reached number one. The critics had panned the album, but Sherry had loved it. The proof that the music buying public did, too, was on the wall in front of her. Let the critics rave if they wanted; the gold records told the true story.
“It would be best if you put that back where you found it.”
Lost in the contemplation of Geoff’s trophy wall, Sherry hadn’t heard anyone come into the room. The unexpected voice scared the living shit out of her and she shrieked, the crystal paperweight flying into the air.
With the reflexes of an angel, Xander Wilson caught the crystal neatly in one hand before raising bemused eyes to hers.
Sherry placed her hand over her hammering heart and blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Damn, that was good. You could play center field for the Cardinals.”
A small smile curved one side of Xander’s incredibly handsome mouth. “Since I’ve no idea what that means, I’ll take your word for it.” He looked her over with a critical eye. “Are you alright, love? I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I didn’t hear you come in.” Sherry forced her legs, now trembling with reaction to her fright, to carry her to the nearest chair where she plopped down with no grace at all. “The paperweight didn’t break, did it?”
“Nah.” Xander glanced down at it and placed it back on the desk. “Good thing, too. Cora gave it to Geoff as a Christmas gift. She’d have had your head if anything had happened to it.”
That wasn’t what she needed to hear, especially in light of her Queen of Hearts comparison earlier. “Jesus,” she muttered. “That’s all I need; to give that lunatic more ammunition.”
A confused frown drew Xander’s brows together. “More ammunition?”
Sherry felt a blush of embarrassment heat her cheeks. “Nothing. She just doesn’t seem to like me, is all.”
“Oh, I’m sure she hates you, darling.” With a commiserating smile, Xander took the chair next to Sherry’s. “She hates every girl Geoff dates, you know, because none of them are her.”
“What? Are you telling me she…?”
“Loves him, yeah.” Xander nodded. “But that’s not really accurate. She’s completely obsessed with him is what she is.”
Sherry shook her head. “Then why the hell does he keep her around?”
A slight shrug lifted Xander’s shoulders. “Either he doesn’t know or he doesn’t care.”
“That’s insane! I mean, what if she hurts him?” Sherry shivered, remembering the malevolent glare Cora had directed at her that afternoon. “She must be out of her mind. She’s got to be at least a thousand years old.”
Xander bit his lips, and Sherry realized he was trying not to laugh. “What?” she demanded.
The grin that broke free when he laughed was of such breath-taking beauty that Sherry would have been struck dumb with wonder if she’d been thinking clearly. As it was, it only put her on guard. After a moment, Xander appeared to get himself under control, the only amusement left behind in the twinkle of his eyes. He cleared his throat.
“She’s about two years older than Geoff, sweetheart.”
Sherry’s earlier blush was nothing compared to the brush-fire that swept her cheeks at Xander’s remark. She’d completely forgotten how much older Geoff was than she. “Oh,” she murmured. “I didn’t think about that.”
“Think about what?” Geoff stood in the doorway, smiling at them.
Sherry cast a swift glance at Xander and knew immediately her goose was cooked. The Cheshire Cat smile on his face made it clear he wasn’t going to keep this to himself.
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I totally LOVE the descriptions! -- debikm, 08:38:15 07/24/10 Sat
Geoff's house sounds pretty cool! I've always been a big fan of Lewis Carroll anyway, and your comparisons with AiW really hit the mark. Especially comparing his housekeeper with the Red Queen!! Love it. Poor Sherry, having to deal with that woman's open agression and Xander's smug knowledge-- she's really got her work cut out for her.
As always, I love this, couldn't find a nit to pick and I am anxiously awaiting the next installment!
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Thank you, ma'am! >>> -- Page, 18:21:58 07/25/10 Sun
When I was trying to convey Sherry's mental state -- jet lag, the roiling emotions of a funeral for someone she hadn't particularly liked, the way Michael's death affected Geoff and how he reacted to it, being alone in Geoff's house with a stark, raving lunatic -- all I could think was, "She's tumbled down the rabbit hole into Wonderland."
Yeah, Cora's a piece of work alright. And she really does hate Sherry. Wait til she finds out Geoff not only knocked Sherry up, but did it right under Cora's nose!
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It's like thunder and lightning, The way you love me is frightning.... -- debikm, 17:20:23 07/24/10 Sat
There's your earworm for today. My HW finally took form and I managed about 500 words. Not much to it, but there it is. Molly really doesn't like being alone.
For those of you who've just joined us, Molly owns a bar in a military town in Florida and has a bartender named Jimmy and a drive-by musician boyfriend named Gil. She lives above the bar, which used to be a garage.
*************
excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright Debi Matlack, 2009-2010, all rights reserved. Posted for sharing and crit purposes only; does not constitute publication.
----
Molly came awake, heart pounding, gasping for air. Broken dream images of wars, bombs and heavy artillery hung in her vision, a fading vision of Gil and Jimmy manning a foxhole confusing her. For several long seconds she didn’t know what woke her until the next flash of lightning lit her bedroom with its actinic glare. She couldn’t help the violent flinch at the almost instantaneous crash of thunder. That tore it; sleep was over for the night. Hurling herself from the bed, she dragged the blanket with her, wrapping herself in its protective folds as she went to the window. A new flash startled her as she reached for the curtain and the purple-white light blinded her. Another explosion of thunder rocked the building on the heels of the bolt.
Molly hated thunderstorms. So, why exactly did she insist on still living in the heart of the world’s lightning capitol? Snagging the curtain back, she saw the alley below delineated in meticulous detail by the harsh illumination, raindrops frozen in place by the flashbulb effect, heard the windowpane rattle with the force of the thunderclap. There was a soft whine by her hip and she laid her hand on Declan’s head without looking. The dog was more worried about her than he was of the storm. Not much fazed nearly two hundred pounds of Irish wolfhound.
Another harsh blaze and rattling report made her recoil from the window and the electricity died along with it.
“No, no, no!” All she could think of was the coolers below, full of inventory, getting warmer and warmer in the summer night. The small part of her mind that was rational reminded her that the beer and food was well insulated and could withstand days of power outages, as long as the doors were kept closed. If World War Three trapped her in the old brick building, she wouldn’t starve.
Why was Gil always absent during the summers? Why couldn’t the music festival season wait for a more reasonable time of year to draw him away to the dusty tents and fields half a continent away? Might as well be on the moon, for all the good it did her. There had been no word from him for weeks. Not unusual from him, but that didn’t mean that she hated every second of his irresponsible, inconsiderate silences. Just wait till he came back; the boy would be sporting multiple new orifices, right after she’d reassured herself he was real and whole and in her arms again.
Settling to the floor, Molly prepared to wait it out. It was almost funny, how much the storms scared her, but she felt obligated to watch, standing ineffective sentinel against the mindless tempest. It was as if she didn’t keep a sharp eye on the rain and lightning that a stray bolt would strike the building and it would be all her fault when it burned down, because she wasn’t watching. It was stupid, it was irrational, but it was the only thing she could do. Without Gil around, it was how she dealt with the fear.
Declan sighed and slid to the floor next to her, his spine pressing into her hip, head conveniently located at her knees so she could pet his ears. Molly leaned back against the dresser, her blanket tucked tight around her, keeping vigil against the savage squall.
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Yeah, I had Knock on Wood stuck in my head after that. I can't thank you enough. ;) >>>> -- Page, 18:18:04 07/25/10 Sun
And here's something odd. To get rid of the earworm, I rocked out to Led Zeppelin's Bring It On Home, right? But this morning I woke up with Donovan's Jennifer Juniper stuck in my head. I think I need to see a professional about this.
I so identify with Molly here! Her need to get up and stand watch during a storm is one I share with her. No, it doesn't do a bit of good, but I know why she needs to do it. I also loved that throught that flashed through her head about all the food in the freezers spoiling before common sense reasserted itself. And the bit about ripping Gil some new orifaces was priceless!
The descriptions of the storm itself were brilliant! So vivid I could almost see the lightning and hear the thunder. I especially liked the bit about the raindrops appearing to be frozen in place when the lightning flashed.
Lovely, lovely, lovely scene!
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I've got one worse... "Leaning On A Lamppost" Herman's Hermits. Why the hell THAT'S gotten stuck in my head, I dunno... -- debikm, 18:54:56 07/25/10 Sun
>And here's something odd. To get rid of the earworm,
>I rocked out to Led Zeppelin's Bring It On Home,
>right? But this morning I woke up with Donovan's
>Jennifer Juniper stuck in my head. I think I need to
>see a professional about this.
Can I claim disability with this plethora of funky earworms?
>
>I so identify with Molly here! Her need to get up and
>stand watch during a storm is one I share with her.
>No, it doesn't do a bit of good, but I know why she
>needs to do it. I also loved that throught that
>flashed through her head about all the food in the
>freezers spoiling before common sense reasserted
>itself. And the bit about ripping Gil some new
>orifaces was priceless!
Thanks! This was almost one of those 'sex in a storm' scenes, but Gil just wouldn't appear in that bed next to her. So I went with it. Maybe there's some sexiness to come. God knows this board needs a defibrillator...
>
>The descriptions of the storm itself were brilliant!
>So vivid I could almost see the lightning and hear the
>thunder. I especially liked the bit about the
>raindrops appearing to be frozen in place when the
>lightning flashed.
>
>Lovely, lovely, lovely scene!
Thank you again. Can you tell it's thunderstorm season here in Florida? My neck of the woods is indeed the lightning capitol of the world, so much so that UF has a lightning reasearch facility nearby. They fire little rockets with wires attached into the storm to induce the lightning to strike so they can study it. That is one job with UF that there is NO danger of me wanting it. *shudder*
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I like to watch the lightning, but like you I've no desire to get up close and personal with it. I wonder if the researchers do that 'Gator chomp thing when a big storm hits? *snerk* -- Page, 00:07:11 07/31/10 Sat
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LOL!!! I can just see them... -- debikm, 12:09:43 07/31/10 Sat
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