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Date Posted: 21:23:04 08/05/10 Thu
Author: debikm
Subject: Rayne's been talking to me again

There are times I enjoy my 40 minute commute to work.

Being in a weird combination of happy/sad this afternoon after leaving work ( a co-worker is moving to Colorado to attend CSU, a very dear and sweet girl to whom I wish the greatest of fortune), a couple of my characters had a conversation on the way home. In my rewrite of the ending (?) of Rayne's story, she and her sister in law are talking. Garoben is dead, Rayne has taken up residence on her farm with her friends and is weeks away from having her baby.

Now, I cannot begin to imagine how she feels: alone (in her mind), grieving, about to give birth for the first time and back in her childhood home that she wanted to leave so badly as a child. Fiona, her good-sister, can sympathize; she too lost her husband in a tragic way and raised her child without a father.

On my part, I've never lost a parent or a spouse, never been (that) pregnant, and so don't want to make the conversation trite or stereotypical. One point I want Fiona to make to her is that life goes on, but, as a friend who has had several family tragedies in recent years told me, "You never get over it, but you get used to it." That line will probably go right in, unadulterated.

Maybe I should just write Shakespearean-style tragedies; I seem to have a way of torturing this poor woman incessantly.

Thanks for listening to me ramble...

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[> Something similar >>>> -- Page, 18:47:57 08/06/10 Fri

Three weeks after I found out I was pregnant with DD1, my mom was killed in a traffic accident, before I could tell her about the baby. I was already in a tailspin because the baby's father had freaked right out of what little mind he had upon hearing the word "pregnant" and had packed up and moved to West Virginia! (Drastic, don't you think? I did.) During all of this upheaval, my younger brother enlisted in the Marine Corps and went off to South Carolina, and my father, unable to bear what had happened, sold our house and moved to Arkansas. And there I was, alone. It was not a good time. While sobbing on the phone one night to a very dear friend about how I was wondering how my life could go on like that, she said something I've never forgotten: "Of course your life will go on. It's just not the way you thought it would." She was, of course, spot on. I'd had this idealized version of what I thought it should be like and didn't want to even consider any other scenarios. She also said, "No one likes change, especially the changes that kick you right in the heart. But things change all the time, and we adapt." (This was Maureen, incidentally, the one I've based the character in CO on. See why I loved her so much?)

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[> [> Perfect! -- debikm, 21:25:07 08/06/10 Fri

>Three weeks after I found out I was pregnant with DD1,
>my mom was killed in a traffic accident, before I
>could tell her about the baby. I was already in a
>tailspin because the baby's father had freaked right
>out of what little mind he had upon hearing the word
>"pregnant" and had packed up and moved to West
>Virginia! (Drastic, don't you think? I did.)
What a dick!
During
>all of this upheaval, my younger brother enlisted in
>the Marine Corps and went off to South Carolina, and
>my father, unable to bear what had happened, sold our
>house and moved to Arkansas. And there I was, alone.
>It was not a good time. While sobbing on the
>phone one night to a very dear friend about how I was
>wondering how my life could go on like that, she said
>something I've never forgotten: "Of course your life
>will go on. It's just not the way you thought it
>would." Wise words indeed. She was, of course, spot on. I'd had this
>idealized version of what I thought it should
>be like and didn't want to even consider any other
>scenarios. She also said, "No one likes change,
>especially the changes that kick you right in the
>heart. But things change all the time, and we adapt."
> (This was Maureen, incidentally, the one I've based
>the character in CO on. See why I loved her so much?)
I see and do understand why you love her so. I've always been very much a loner, not always by choice. An only child, didn't participate much in things in school, didn't have close friends(and still don't with a few transitory exceptions). And to top it off, I'm actually rather shy. I just have learned to hide it by being a goof. So that's why I worry about not writing families well; I've never experienced the dynamics of siblings and children any closer than a generation removed. And that's not ever going to change.

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[> [> [> But you know something? >>>> -- Page, 15:22:12 08/08/10 Sun

From reading your work, one would think you came from a large family with lots of siblings. You have that family dynamic down pat, especially the relationship between adult siblings.

I just thought of something, too. You're an only child and write characters with brothers and sisters. I'm one of three children and write characters who have no siblings. *G* Wonder what that's about? Ah, the subconscious; I guess we all want to experience what we don't have.

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[> [> [> [> Very true... -- debikm, 16:28:36 08/08/10 Sun

>From reading your work, one would think you came from
>a large family with lots of siblings. You have that
>family dynamic down pat, especially the relationship
>between adult siblings.

Thank you. I do have years of observing my parents' families interact, all multiple siblings and get along very well.
>
>I just thought of something, too. You're an only
>child and write characters with brothers and sisters.
>I'm one of three children and write characters who
>have no siblings. *G* Wonder what that's about? Ah,
>the subconscious; I guess we all want to experience
>what we don't have.

That's probably it. I have another writing friend who is an only child and she writes families with siblings too. And i've found myself writing small woman recently. Molly and Valerie are petite. Next to them I'm like a Clydesdale...;-)

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[> In most places, it's considered a bad thing to have imaginary characters talking to you >>> -- Fi, 12:27:13 08/12/10 Thu

...but I can empathize! My characters talk to me all the time. Sometimes they shock me (They're not very politically correct. You'd swear they lived in the past or something).

And I have been literally torturing poor Richard. When I'm doing research on the Amnesty International site to determine the physical and psychological trauma that can be expected, I begin to feel a bit sadistic :o

I can't really help with the losing parent/spouse or being pregnant, since neither had happened to me yet (thankfully in the case of the first, disappointingly in the case of the second). They say "write about what you know", but how boring would that be? Diana's never been an 18th century Scotsman, Tracy Chevalier (author of Girl with a Pearl Earring) has never been a Dutch maid, and Audrey Niffenegger (author of The Time Traveler's Wife) has never been married. Here's to research and imagination!

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