I don't usually post on the Lit forum but I wandered in here the other day and read a few things. I may not have any useful crits for you but I just had to tell you that this was very surprising (in a good way). I enjoyed this excerpt and can't stop thinking about it. I _really_ want to know what is gonna happen next. I think the experts here have given you some good advice.
I also wanted to mention that the last story about Vikings I tried to read was the Novik piece in Warriors, I couldn't get much past the first page. I wasn't sure that it was the subject or the style that I didn't like. Now I'm pretty sure it's her style I couldn't click with.
Awww, shucks. *blush* I really appreciate you taking the time to write. It is a wonderful encouragement that, even with all the things I need to fix, someone enjoyed what I've written. :0)