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Date Posted: 14:38:16 11/05/09 Thu
Author: 
Page
Subject: I can't write five words but that I change seven. -- Dorothy Parker
Man, I so identify! I must stop that. Ha. (And on a completely unrelated note, another Dorothy Parker quote I love is this:
You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.)
Anyway, I've been writing, and here's my weekly check in....
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Florence Nightingale retires >>>>> -- Page, 14:58:24 11/05/09 Thu
Let's set the scene. Walter threw Jay a birthday party, and before the evening was over, Jay and Katie finally admitted to each other that the attraction between them wasn't going to go away. (NOTE TO ESTHER -- Hot Hallway Scene takes place there!) And they decide they have to have each other soon, like in the next couple of days. The next morning is a scene I posted before, in which Katie realizes she's not in love with Adam, and never was. And she finds an empty flat in Maureen's building, rents it, and goes home to break up with Adam. She's about to do it, when something terrible happens, and he has to leave. (Well, of course he does! It would be too easy, otherwise. *G*) More bad stuff happens over the next several days, and then....
Excerpt from Carey On
©2009 by Juli Morgan
Posted for purposes of critique only, and does not constitute publication
When Katie had first moved in with Adam, she’d considered ways to introduce a box spring and bedframe to his lone mattress on the floor, but couldn’t come up with a way to do it that wouldn’t hurt his feelings. His touchy pride aside, he seemed to consider their sleeping arrangements to be bohemian. Katie just considered them uncomfortable. However, after three days of sleeping on Maureen’s lumpy sofa, Adam’s elderly mattress felt like downy clouds of heaven; so much so that she wouldn’t have been surprised to hear the soft strains of harps lulling her to sleep. She awoke after her first full night’s sleep in almost a week, full of energy, and ready to face the day.
A bowl of cereal took care of breakfast, but a quick check of the cupboard revealed nothing but a few spider webs, not an appetizing menu for the rest of her meals. Since Adam had told her he wouldn’t be home for at least another three days, Katie decided a trip to the market would be an exercise in futility. Cooking for one was a tricky business, one she’d never mastered, and she didn’t see the need to buy a bunch of food when she’d just be eating out, or picking up take-out.
She rang Maureen, and was reassured by her friend’s chipper voice. It seemed she was making a quick recovery from her illness, and Katie felt a sneaking sense of relief that she wouldn’t be called upon to nurse anymore. She loved Maureen with all her heart, but she wasn’t cut out to be Florence Nightingale. After assuring Katie she’d be just fine on her own, Maureen rang off. The phone rang the moment Katie replaced the receiver on the base, startling her. She pressed a hand to her hammering heart, and answered.
“Were you running?” Jay sounded amused.
“What? Oh,” she said, realizing he’d noticed how breathless she sounded. “No, I was just startled when the phone rang.”
“Katie, Katie, Katie.” His voice caressed her name, and she couldn’t repress a shiver of delight. “Is there any news on Adam’s father?”
“Mm-hm. He’s doing much better, and should be able to go home by the end of the week. Adam’s coming home on Monday.”
“That’s good.” Jay sounded relieved. “Adam’s parents are nice people, and I’m glad everything’s ended well. And how about you, love? How’s the nursing going?”
Katie laughed. “I’m surprised Maureen’s still alive after having me look after her. I’m not exactly nurse material, if you know what I mean. But she’s doing great, so she’s discharged me.”
“Even more good news. And since Maureen is still alive and kicking, I think you deserve a reward.”
“Oh, you do? What kind of reward?”
“How about a nice, hot, home cooked meal?”
Shaking her head at the phone, Katie grinned. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” Jay sounded bemused.
“Read my mind,” she told him. “I was just thinking about how I’m going to feed myself for the next few days.”
“Wonder no more. Tonight’s taken care of, in any case. I’ll pick you up about six, is that good?”
“You don’t have to…”
“I know I don’t have to,” he interrupted, and she heard the smile in his voice. “I’ve already told you – you deserve more than to just be put on a train. I’m coming to get you.”
Katie grinned with delight. “There’s just no arguing with you, is there?”
“No.” Jay laughed. “See you at six.”
With the care of one handling delicate explosives, Katie replaced the receiver on the telephone. She was vibrating with so much excitement, she was afraid she’d break the instrument if she wasn’t careful. What with Adam’s father’s heart attack, and Maureen’s respiratory ailment, she hadn’t seen Jay since the night of his birthday party, the night both of them admitted they couldn’t wait any more to be together. Even though neither of them had mentioned it during Jay’s call, Katie knew that after dinner the wait would be over.
With a gasp, she whirled and looked at the clock. Eleven-oh-five. She made a hasty count on her fingers; seven hours until she would see Jay. Seven hours? No way! She stamped her foot on the floor in frustration. A thump came back through the floor as the person below her pounded back. Her body seemed to agree with the neighbor’s assessment of this activity, and responded with a fusillade of coughs. Oh, no fucking way!
Turning back to the wall of mismatched kitchen appliances, she scooped an assortment of vitamin bottles from the top of the refrigerator. Since the day she’d discovered Maureen sick, she had been popping vitamins like a junkie did dexies. The level in the bottles was reduced by a substantial amount, and she was surprised she didn’t rattle when she walked. There was no way she was going to get what Maureen had, not if she could help it, and her father had always sworn by vitamins for keeping an immune system healthy. Even if she did end up with a cold, she was determined not to end up sick tonight of all nights.
After swallowing a multi-vitamin, two Vitamin C tablets, and a B-12, she hurried to the chest of drawers. Clothes flew like startled moths around her as she dug through the deep drawer in search of the dress she intended to wear that night, tossing aside T-shirts, jeans, and even the new suede trousers and linen poet’s blouse she’d not had a chance to wear. The garment she sought was – of course – in the very bottom of the drawer, pushed against the back. Carefully, she extracted the black lace dress and beige satin slip she had been wearing the night she met Jay. She hadn’t worn them since. Even though Adam hadn’t said anything, she knew he didn’t like her to wear them. They sexy outfit had generated too much attention for him to be comfortable with it. And for Katie, the dress was linked inextricably with Jay. She couldn’t look at it without thinking of him, so she’d put it away, unwilling to torture herself any more than necessary. But tonight….Tonight she could wear the dress. At least until Jay decided to take it off her. She broke out into an impromptu dance at the thought, which generated another, louder thump from the residents in the flat below.
Stifling laughter, Katie spread the dress and slip on the bed, and started refolding the clothes she’d flung aside. She moved slowly, smoothing each garment before folding it with extreme care, trying to use up as much time as she could to make the day go by faster. Once all the clothes were replaced in the drawer, she checked the clock again. Eleven-twenty. With a muffled groan, she gathered her toiletries in a basket, and headed for the shower.
The soothing ritual of washing her hair, shaving, and applying lotion calmed her, and she took her time with it. The puny motor on the hand-held blow dryer she’d bought after arriving in London did its best to eat up even more time, and she was pleased to see it was almost four o’clock by the time her hair was finally dry. She ran her hands through the heavy, shining mass, releasing the scent of jasmine. A sudden memory of the way Jay’s face had looked when he first smelled the jasmine candle Maureen gave him made her thighs quiver, and every ounce of calm she possessed flew out the window.
The inconvenience of putting on makeup using the tiny round mirror over the sink went a long way toward dispelling her nerves. Adam used it to shave, but it was too small to be effective for anything else. Katie swirled dusty rose blush onto her cheeks in increments, all the while cursing herself for not purchasing a decent-sized mirror when she bought the blow dryer. Despite the problematic dimensions, Katie finished her makeup, and slid into the black lace dress. By the time she’d pulled on her boots, and brushed stray lint from her long red wool coat, it was five-forty-five. Too impatient to stay indoors, she slipped the coat on, and hurried to wait for Jay outside.
She didn’t have to wait long. The shiny, sage green Bentley crept up the street toward her, garnering curious looks from the people about. Katie shook her head; she should have known not to expect anything less from Jay. She broke out into a big smile as he pulled the car to a smooth stop at the curb, and got out.
“Well, if you’re gonna drive….kind of….” she said, summoning up the phrase he’d used to describe his driving abilities, “at least you’re doing it in style.”
“But of course.” He arched an eyebrow. “What else am I going to drive, one of those horrid little three-wheeled vehicles?” He gave her a light kiss and smiled. “I really love the way that dress looks on you.”
Katie looked down, and pulled her coat open further, like an overdressed flasher. “What, this old thing?”
His eyes moved over her, a slow perusal that she could almost feel against her body. “Yes, that old thing. It really is a lovely dress.” A dazzling grin lit his face. “And it makes me have really dirty thoughts, too. Nice use of fabric, that.”
Katie clasped her hands behind her in an attempt to hide the sudden trembling that had overtaken her. It appeared he’d taken as much care with his appearance as she had hers. The dark blue velvet suit looked smashing on him, paired with a satin shirt of blinding white, and a black silk scarf knotted around his neck. His black hair curled across his forehead and against his cheeks, and tumbled down over his shoulders. Combined with his clothes, it gave him the air of an Edwardian gentleman. A sudden vision of herself tearing off his elegant clothes and throwing them aside flashed into her head and her breathing grew labored.
“You look quite dashing, yourself,” she murmured, cursing the color she felt flame in her cheeks.
Stopped in the act of reaching for the car’s door handle, Jay turned to look at her. His gaze lingered for an instant on her flushed cheeks, and a slow, beautiful smile curved his lips. “Why, thank you, love.”
The sight of that smile ignited a spark of desire that traveled like wildfire through her body, coming to rest between her legs where it raged uncontrolled. She yearned to throw herself into the car and spread her thighs for him in abandon, and, at the same time, to clamp her legs together to contain the sensation.
Jay offered his hand to help her into the car, and the warmth of his fingers closing over her icy ones gave Katie a jolt. Her breath caught as he pressed her hand to his mouth, and the brief flick of his tongue against her skin made every muscle in her body go weak. She knew she had to get inside the car before she ripped her dress off, urging him to take her right there in the gutter, and she dived into the front seat. Sliding as far to the left as she could, she turned and watched him climb in after her. He eyed the expanse of cream-colored leather between them, and gave her a wry smile. Katie bit her lip and, with the barest of motions, shook her head. She was relieved when he nodded back. Yes, she wanted him with an urgency that made her dizzy, but she wasn't going to rush things, and certainly not on the cold leather seats of his car. Even if it was a Bentley.
Last edited by author: Thu November 05, 2009 15:00:29
Edited 1 time.
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*FANS SELF* -- Debi, 17:24:09 11/06/09 Fri
The buildup is almost as much fun as the act itself. (Note the 'almost') Anticipation, indeed! I love how she's planning, dosing herself with multivitamins, showering and primping for Jay. Even a women who isn't overly girly is going to want to treat each step of preparation like a ritual act almost, trying to make everything perfect. You captured the thrill and the agony of waiting.
Love it!
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It's funny you should say that.... >>> -- Page, 12:53:21 11/08/09 Sun
The thrill of anticipation (for lack of a better term *G*) builds throughout this chapter until the payoff. The first draft had them jumping each other's bones the minute they got to Jay's house, but the re-write is much different. They know they won't be interrupted, they have plenty of time; and so they have their dinner, enjoy each other's company, and let the anticipation build. I think it made for a much more poignant scene. (I hope I'm right! *G*)
Thanks, Debi!
Hugs,
Page
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Dang!! Why didn't anybody tell me that I retired??? -- Fel, 10:12:53 11/11/09 Wed
Wow, Page!
So I retire at age 27?? Not bad at all. At home here, I take care of both of my parental units, so they call me Florence Nightengale whenever either of them is sick or goes in for surgery.
Anywho, the anticipation is killing me here!! What is this hallway scene I keep reading about? I don't think I've read that one. I like how she takes her time in choosing just the right outfit for Jay and then how the two of them flirt in the Bentley.
Well done!!
Fel
P.S. No news on the computer yet, so I've been writing on my parent's computer until I hear something about my ailing one.
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What, you haven't received your retirement pay, yet?? >>>> -- Page, 23:02:12 11/13/09 Fri
You've not read the hallway scene? Hm. I'll have to post that one next. Be watching for it at a Lit Forum near you...
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