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Date Posted: 19:12:22 06/10/01 Sun
Author: Griff
Subject: I was going to wait till I had reviews of both movies, but bugger it, here it is anyway! Read my Dracula review! Watch Brighton Rock! Erm...

TEEN WOLF TOO


There’s only one surprise on offer here, and that’s that it took as long as two years to bash out a cash-in sequel that copies from the original as desperately, slavishly and lazily as this one. I don’t care what anyone says, I love Teen Wolf and it’s extremely painful to watch this leaden lump rehash the entire plot – and I mean the entire plot – with all the grace and charm of an elephant falling down a flight of stairs. The original has charm, engaging characters, under-rated actors, excellent songs, Michael J. Fox, and it’s very funny. This sequel has none of that, plus a lot of other things it should have but doesn’t.

But I must have seen this film five or six times; I’m compelled to see it again once every couple of years just to see if it’s really as lame as I remember. It always is. Let’s put it this way: The central character here is Todd Howard (Jason Bateman, son of the producer), cousin of the original Teen Wolf. He’s driven to his new college by Mr. Howard (James Hampton), father of the original Teen Wolf. Todd’s room-mate is Stiles (a curiously charmless Stuart Fratkin), best friend of the original Teen Wolf, his team-mate is Chubby (Mark Holton), team-mate of the original Teen Wolf, and their coach is Coach Finstock (Paul Sand), coach of the original Teen Wolf. Are you beginning to spot a pattern here? If not, allow me to bang on at length...

The first we see of the wolf is when Todd’s eyes glow red and he growls at an unhelpful old coot. After a ‘prologue’ transformation where Todd discovers he’s inherited the family trait, he suffers a fully-fledged ‘wolf out’ at a major school sports event. The wolf is a wow at boxing, carries the team to a crucial final and becomes incredibly popular at school, leading the dancing at a student party. Ignoring his sweet should-be girlfriend in favour of the blonde slapper with a tough boyfriend on the rival team, Todd alienates his friends and team-mates by becoming arrogant. Meanwhile, Stiles cashes in on the phenomenon by selling Teen Wolf merchandise. After realising that he’s better off as himself than as the wolf, Todd wins the fight against the tough boyfriend on his own merits, pushes the slapper to one side afterwards and kisses his sweet should-be girlfriend. The dean, a nasty piece of work who initially threatens to kick Todd out, is scared off at the fight by another werewolf character.

If all that sounds familiar, it’s because this near-remake uses as much material as it can from Teen Wolf without actually editing in footage from it. It’s astonishing; I can’t think of another sequel that so closely follows the story of the first film. Almost scene-by-scene, character-by-character, this xeroxes its way through the whole damn thing! Even the school setting and the sports theme is the same. The other major mistake this makes is bringing back characters but recasting them. Jerry Levine and Jay Tarses (the original Stiles and Finstock), two of the funniest actors in the first film, are absent and have been replaced by two of the least funny actors on Earth if their performances here are anything to go by. That guy’s not Stiles, that other guy’s not Coach Finstock and, despite the presence of the entire story, this is not the first film.

The only saving graces here cast-wise are Mark Holton, who does his best as Chubby and gets the only laughs with his catalogue of facial expressions, and James Hampton, still likeable as Mr. Howard. They appear for very little reason other than to provide the few cast links to the original movie but it doesn’t work; the characters are shadows of their former selves and Mr. H’s wolf out in the van doesn’t ring true at all. Bateman doesn’t do such a bad job considering a) he has about one hundredth of the charm of Michael J. Fox and b) he’s in this movie. The make-up he’s saddled with looks like the original Teen Wolf’s had a nasty run-in with a belt sander. Either that or he’s a refugee from the Planet of the Apes after botched reconstructive plastic surgery.

It’s abundantly clear that this movie exists only to wring some more cash from unsuspecting fans of Teen Wolf. The fact that Teen Wolf actually has fans and this sorry retread boasts not a single soul to love it really says it all. For further examples of how lazy this is, check out the scene where Bateman changes into the wolf at his first fight. Not only does the crowd consist of about eight people, cutting down on the extras’ fees, but the complete lack of amazement on their part when he turns into a werewolf smacks of totally complacent direction. At least there was a stunned silence in the first one, even if it was for a short time – but they got the tone right and could get away with it. Maybe no one here is too taken aback because the make-up’s so bad they thought he was just mucking about.

No one’s trying here, maybe because they’re all aware that this film’s been made once already, maybe because the direction’s so flat, maybe because the dialogue is so boring, maybe because the production values are so bottom drawer. This film’s only real crime is really terminal blandness – apart from the blatant cribbing from the original, that is. That’s what really gets my back up, not that I’ve been going on about it or anything. It’s just so cynical and sloppy, so uninspired you can practically hear it sigh. The only thing to be said in its favour is that it’s better than the appalling cartoon series. But so what?



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